A strange phenomenon

Every day my left shoe comes untied. Not my right shoe. My left. Every day.

This happens as I walk from the train to work (note: it does not occur as I walk from work to the train). I don't know why it happens but I have, of course, attempted preemptive measures to secure the lace: I tie it really, really tight.

Then I watch to see if it comes untied.

And it always does.

I would assume the laces were to blame except it only happens on the one foot and I have the original laces on both shoes. Those who know me well enough know I have mutated feet. While not quite as hideous as this chick's feet, I have ugly, oddly-shaped feet which may have something to do with it.

Not sure if my shoe coming untied is particularly blog-worthy, but it's what I noticed on my way into work.

Birthin' classes, part 2 (AKA 7 1/2 Hours of How to Deal With Pain)

OK. I've had a little time to recover. I'm still a little shaken, but I want to get this posted while it's still fresh in my mind. So vividly, graphically, fresh in my mind...

I'll start with some notes I took entitled, 7 1/2 Hours of How to Deal With Pain.

- I just told everyone my wife's favorite craving was a combination of boloney, sauerkraut and bananas. Some people thought it was funny.

- She [the instructor] is now holding up a stuffed animal version of the placenta

- I think "mucus plug" could be the most disgusting term I have ever heard.

- "Breaking of the Waters". The Waters? Is there more than one? Is Moses going to be delivering this baby? Sounds like a lake-side housing development.

- We're looking at step-by-step, bloody pictures of a woman receiving a c-section. I am feeling somewhat grossed out by the imagery. My wife, however, just broke out a granola bar and offered me a bite. Not sure whether to laugh or puke in my mouth.

- The idea of ANYBODY shoving a five inch needle into my wife's spine makes me want to buy a gun and shoot them.

- The whole concept of an epidural makes me sick to my stomach. Despite me sitting in a chair, my knees went weak and I had to fight the urge to walk out of the room.

- Great. Now the instructor is telling a story of a woman who was twisted enough to bring her mucus plug into class in a sandwich bag.

- Most of the information has been beneficial. I have no idea how I'm going to remember it all.

- We have just been informed by our instructor that while 99% of women give birth with a hospital gown on, the chick in the video we're about to watch decided to go without. Then why on earth are you using her for the video??

- Watching the video. My initial thought: thank goodness for computer animation.

- Wait...

- No...

- Yup. That chick looks like a dude from the neck up but is most definitely a chick from the neck down. Goo.

- Ohmygosh.

- *GAG*

- Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! C'mon!!! I did NOT need to see that!

- I just watched Powder being born.

- Great. Now another one.

- I caught a glimpse of a woman crowning. I heard the doctor tell her she could reach down and feel the head if she wanted. "Oh wow. I've never felt anything so warm, soft and fuzzy." You sure you're feeling the head, lady?

- MUST they keep repeating "mucus plug"??

- Swell. Detailed photographs of different nipple problems.

- Oooo...mission flashback: numerous women breast feeding.

- Holy cow. THAT'S a placenta??

- I can't believe Tom Cruise ate one of those things.

- I hate hospitals

Birthin' classes, part 1

HOLY CRAP!

Friday 13th

Is bad luck on the horizon today? I missed my train because the doors wouldn't open. They had just closed and I was standing there pushing the button like an idiot but they wouldn't open. I looked down the length of the train and people were still getting on other cars. I looked up desperately at a guy inside who was futilely trying to help.

The train pulled away with me standing on the platform, staring helplessly back at the passengers who I imagined had been rooting for me but could do nothing to help.

*sigh*

Other "bad omens" today:

I desperately need to go over headlines with Ryan but he's not here yet.

I'm recording radio this afternoon but the client is going to be there.

My wife woke up sick this morning.

Anyone else experience weird things happening today?


UPDATE: Ryan came in.

The Beatles coming to iTunes? So what?

This article cites two important things pertaining to the Fab Five signing on with iTunes.

1. They just settled a dispute with their label, EMI, which is supposedly the last hurdle to them making the jump to the online realm of music distribution.

2. Who cares? Does anyone not have a Beatles album who wants one? Are The Beatles going to get a larger fan base because someone perusing the iTunes Store might say, "Huh. I've always heard of The Beatles and now that I can buy their songs for a buck each, I might give them a try"?

The Beatles on iTunes? Whoop-de-freakin'-do.

Calling the IRS

Ah, tax season. After all was said and done we owed The Feds. So we sent in a check about three weeks ago but it hasn't cleared.

Somewhat concerned, we called our accountant who is a very nice, retired military guy named Bert.

"Bert!" I cried into the phone. "The Feds haven't taken our money and we're worried that they're going to haul us off to the Big House for tax evasion or some junk. Help us! You're our only hope!" (I admit I felt a bit like Princess Lea when I said that. And I'm not gonna lie, those flowing robes she wears look wicked comfortable.)

Bert, being the good natured accountant he is, told us to call the IRS.
Well that sounds like an adventure.

I called the number and I kid you not, the first thing I hear is a cheery, recorded voice say, "Welcome to the Internal Revenue Service." It was like Hanzel and Grettel hearing, "Welcome to my candy house in woods." Creepy.

After navigating my way through a relatively simple automated system I was put on hold to the melodic tunes of Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite. But it wasn't the whole suite, just 45 seconds of the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies. After a few rounds of the ballet it switched to Mozart's Eine Kleine Nacht Musik and played the "chorus" part over and over and over and over again, intermingled with static. Ugh.

Then "Mr. Allen" picked up. Seriously. That's how he introduced himself. "Mr. Allen".

He sounded like he was trying to come across all mysterious or cool, like Mr. Smith on The Matrix. Then again, if I was IRS Customer Support I'd probably need to find ways to entertain myself too. He asked me a few questions and I gave him the same information I'd just typed into the automated system. Then he excused himself to "do some research".

My wife suspected he went to get a donut.

More Mozart and static...

After a few minutes and a half dozen Krispy Kremes later, "Mr. Allen" returned to say that the check hadn't cleared.

Yeah. I know. That's why I'm calling.

Mr. Allen instructed us to watch our account and if it hasn't cleared by the end of the week to send in another check, and make sure it's postmarked by April 17th. So that's what we'll do.

Note: While not overly helpful, my experience with IRS has been better than with Apple's customer service.

Vacation update

After getting Marica's e-mail I decided to take Friday (yesterday) and Monday off since my wife is off work for Spring Break. We've managed to get quite a bit done in the last couple of days, including:

- Temple session.
- Costco trip. We only bought two things that weren't on our list: a pair of shorts and some spinach artichoke dip. We also bought our first box of diapers... $38!!! I still haven't come to grips with the fact that I'm going to be shelling out that kind of cash for something that's primary function is to hold crap.
- D.I. run. I had stuff I'd hanging in the closet since before we were married. Time to go.
- Got a Jamba Juice.
- Dinner party with some friends. Not to brag, but we rocked everyone at Pictionary. When my wife correctly guessed "artificial heart", even though I was drawing it with my eyes closed, I fell in love all over again.
- Beat Call of Duty 2.
- Got a hair cut. Eh.
- Got the nursery arranged properly.
- Enjoyed a wonderful picnic in the park tonight, complete with the artichoke dip, sandwiches, fresh veggies, and a parfait thing for dessert.
- Did some blogging
- Caught up on my reading

So. Yeah. Now you know.

The new copier

The new copier at work kinda freaks me out. I'm man enough to say it how it is: the thing's creepy. That screen sticks up and off to the right, staring at you like the alien space ship in Flight of the Navigator. I can almost hear it as I walk by: "I do not leak, David. YOU leak."

*shudder*

Digg Star

I noticed early this morning that the Apple Store was down. I checked the site again a few minutes later and lo and behold, they'd released the 8 Core Mac Pros.

Figuring it hadn't been that long between the store being down and my refresh, I quickly submitted the story to Digg. With some careful crafting of the headline, the story has now been dugg to the front page, with over 1,800 diggs. Shoot, at the moment (about 11:00 am) digg is down completely.

I wish this somehow made me cool. Unfortunately, it doesn't. It's a "right time, right place" scenario. However, if anyone out there would like to pay me to digg their stuff, I'd be open to offers.

Through the Agony

I finished The Agony and the Ecstasy last night, the biography of Michaelangelo. SPOILER ALERT: He dies.

It feels good to have a 750+ page book sitting on your night stand, read and slightly tattered from countless commutes and innumerable hours of attention.

It's also a relief because, based on the cover of the book, I'm pretty sure everyone on the train thought I was reading some trashy romance novel. Instead, they'll see me reading the latest issue of WIRED with a semi-naked picture of Jenna Fischer on the cover. Stellar.

More of Apple's stellar customer service

This weekend I decided to use the gift coupon Apple sent me after the last nightmare I had with them. The coupon was for $100 off a purchase of $300 or more and expired yesterday.

Based on my last experience, I figured it would be wise to get Apple Care for my iMac. If my $1,500+ investment is going to crap out spontaneously, it would be good to have a warranty so it becomes Apple's problem, no? I called up to place my order: Apple Care, a refurbed iPod nano and the remainder of the balance in an iTunes gift certificate so the total would come out to exactly $300. (No need to give Apple more money than necessary, right?)

For some reason, this simple transaction which "should only take five minutes" was apparently so difficult it warranted ended me talking with three customer service reps over the course of two hours, wasting a fair portion of my Saturday afternoon.

And the order still hasn't been placed.

So I get to call them back Monday, see if someone can actually place the order and hope they'll be able to use the now expired coupon.

I'll keep you posted.

Prego

I don't particularly like it when people refer to pregnant women as "prego". As in, "She looks prego." Prego is not a physical condition. It's a spaghetti sauce.

A The Bun update

We had another ultrasound this week. Conclusion? He's healthy and still a "he". The due date has been set around May 11 which is 44 days from the time of this post.

That seems really soon.

I was talking with Ryan about the Bourne Ultimatum trailer which was released today. While doing so, I had a realization that I will have a son before the movie comes out.

Really, really soon.

We have a hand-me-down crib thanks to my in-laws. We put together a changing table this weekend which proved an interesting experience. However, that's about it for the nursery. There's still a long list of things we need to do before the little tyke shows up: see movies in the theater, spontaneously go out for ice cream, stay up late, sleep in, go on a random road trip, exercise, read and (in general) have some kind of private/personal life.

Do I have worries about having a kid? Of course. Who doesn't? If it was just me running the show you know he'd turn out pretty screwed up. Thankfully, I married the perfect woman and she'll counterbalance things enough so he may actually have a shot at life.

On a personal note, as I understand it, what little free time I am still clinging onto is gone for good. Well, not for good. Just for the next 18 years. It makes me slightly concerned about this blog, my journal, my sporadic trips to the gym, books yet to be read and the occasional Xbox 360 binge.

Though I suppose that's what being a parent is all about: sacrificing for your kids. And from what I've been told, it's totally worth it.

Dis-gust-ing

As I was about to cross the street to come to work, the standard groups of Walking Cancer Factories were huddled on the sidewalk, puffing away. (Note: It's 9 am! Who needs to stop working for a cigarette break when it's only 9:00?!) Fortunately, they started heading into the building as I crossed the street, leaving their butts smoldering in an ash tray. I slowed my pace to allow the air to clear out.

Then I saw the truly gag-inducing: a woman, who was not part of the group that went inside, walked up to the ash tray, picked up a still smoking cigarette butt and began smoking it. After she puffed, she stood there with a cigarette in each hand, unfazed at her grotesque act.

Repulsed, I walked inside, shuddering at what I'd just witnessed.

What would you ban?

So...'dja catch the Miss USA pageant? Me neither.

That's a lie. I saw part of it. It was the part where Miss Puerto Rico (or someone like that) was asked if she could ban one thing what would it be and why.

Instantly I think of alcohol, drugs or cigarettes. I hate smoking for a HUGE number of reasons, each of which I rehearse in my mind every day when I walk through a haze of smoke from the Insurance Dolls before entering the building. Someday I'm going to do something about that...

I would have settled on alcohol because, frankly, I hate drunk drivers and how abusive people can become when they drink too much. It's despicable and without excuse. (I'm sure Miss USA 2006 would disagree.)

Miss Honolulu's answer? Using a cell phone while driving. Or maybe it was shaving while driving. No, I'm pretty sure she decided on cell phones. "Because it's a distraction".

For some reason that seemed like a really, really stupid answer.

I listed three better answers already! Pollution, pornography, and multi-level marketing also come to mind.

Of course, French and Canadians should be banned and many people from Texas shouldn't be allowed to reproduce. Also, Corn Nuts, Ebonics and traditional car dealership radio spots. Staying at work past 5:00, littering and plumber's crack should get the ax too.

So there are a few things I'd ban. What would you ban?

Lack of posts

I haven't been posting much. Why? Combination of factors really. (A dollar to whoever can name the movie.) Mostly because, well, life's been busy yet ironically uneventful. Get up. Go to the gym. Go to work. Come home from work. Do church stuff.

*sigh*

I realize once we have our baby it will be a very long time until life is this un-complicated again.

I've been cranking through The Agony and the Ecstasy, a biography of Michelangelo. The first 150 pages were a bit slow but now I'm into it. It's a good book and one I would recommend for anyone even remotely into the arts or the creative process. I have about 140 pages to go and am scrambling to finish before I have a performance review at work. At least I think I'm going to have a performance review. It's been a year, so...

There are big plans for when I finish Agony. Oh yes. 1984 is high on my list as is Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. And maybe I'll get lucky and get around to reading my WIRED issue from last month. Eventually I'll have to read The Fountain Head for work too, but I'm not going to pick that one up for a while.

I should probably look through that baby name book so my kid isn't known as "The Bun" until he's four months old. (Although it would be pretty cool to have that on his little hospital bracelet.)

There you have it. A post about my literary plans once I finish my required reading for work. Probably one of my most thrilling posts. Ever.

Happy Spring

Don't worry. It'll probably snow again.

The sight to see

As I was enjoying the warm, spring morning on my walk to work today I saw the truly awesome: a man on a motorcycle with a sidecar. In the sidecar was his dog. As if that weren't cool enough, the dog was wearing goggles.

It was pretty much the best thing I've ever seen.

Accrued vacation time

Marcia stopped by my office today and notified me that I have 97 hours of vacation time I need to use by August. And that's on top of the week I can take off when we have The Bun.

When she told me I had that much time I instantly felt tired. Has it really been that long since I've taken time off?

It feels like it. I think the last time I used my vacation time (aside from a couple days around Christmas) was in September. And that was just one day.

No wonder I'm so worn out.

The way it looks now, I won't be able to use much of it this summer because Gary's going on sabbatical for most of July. I'll be taking at least a week off in May for The Bun's arrival.

So. What's the best way to use the vacation time?

I could take Fridays off for the next three months. Or...

What do you think I should do?

Napping at work could save your life

Seriously. "New research on napping provides the perfect excuse for office slackers, finding that a little midday snooze seems to reduce risks for fatal heart problems, especially among men. Thrice-weekly nappers had a 37 percent lower risk of dying from heart ailments"

37 percent! That's significant. Generally I'm not a big fan of science but in this case I think I'd support it whole-heartedly.

"In the largest study to date on the health effects of napping, researchers tracked 23,681 healthy Greek adults," (I don't think it matters that I'm not Greek) "...for an average of about six years. Those who napped at least three times weekly for about half an hour had a 37 percent lower risk of dying from heart attacks or other heart problems than those who did not nap."

This kind of relates to an unpublished post of mine which essentially says if our quality of life increases (not salary necessarily, but time with family and developing talents and hobbies) the quality and efficiency of our work would also increase and we'd be a happier, healthier society.

"It would be really encouraging if employers across the country really embraced that philosophy that napping is a good thing. It makes a big difference in my life."

I agree. Let's start a petition in the comments or something. It won't do any good, but it's always satisfying to put your name on a petition regarding something you believe in. And who doesn't believe in taking naps at work? Exactly. Sign below.

The Addys

Ah, the Addys. It's only my second year attending, yet I feel I have very clear understanding of what they're going to be like: open bar, lots of cleavage on display, a cautious attempt to be "edgy" and a lot of filler stuffed in around what we all came to see: the advertising.

Perhaps I'm too much of a purist, but just show me the ads. All the fluff and "entertainment" gets in the way. Let's see the work, congratulate those contributing and get out.

This year I thought the judges were fairly stingy with golds (for many agencies, not just ours). That being said, we did very well. I picked up a few silvers which is hunky-dory and Gary and Ryan cleaned up as usual. Well done everyone. Now back to the grindstone.

An excellent example of customer service

I e-mailed Applebees regarding my defunct dessert. Since the, I've been hugely impressed. (There are a lot of other companies that should take a page out of Applebee's customer service book.)

My original e-mail was first responded to with the generic "we got your e-mail" autoresponse. Frankly, that was all I expected. A few days later I received this:

Dear Mr. *******,
I received your Guest Relations comment today and would very much like to speak with you in person. ...As it sits I would like to know what I can do to rectify the situation and make your next visit with us more pleasurable then the last. I will want to know what you had ordered and the name of your server so this problem does not arise again.

Look foward to talking with you

David Wilcox GM


I replied:

Mr. Wilcox,

Thanks for your quick reply!

...I had ordered a quesadilla appetizer, a chicken main dish and the blondie dessert. I don't remember who our waiter was but, other than the dessert mix up, he did his job very well. As far as rectifying the situation...it wasn't a huge deal (albeit a little disappointing)... just something I thought should be brought to someone's attention. Anything you feel would be appropriate would be appreciated.

Again, thank you for your prompt attention.

David


He responded:

Mr. *******,
Thanks for your timely re-response. If I could ask you for your address I would like to send you out a comp pass for dinner for two or I can keep it here until your next visit. Either way it's ok with me.
Again, Thank You !

David Wilcox GM


Then another e-mail from him:

It's in the mail, look forward to your visit, that's if you plan on using it at this location. If so I would like to visit in person, if I happen to be working.. ( I usually am )

Sincerly,
David Wilcox GM


We got the gift certificate just as he said. I'm anxious to use it so I can meet Mr. Wilcox and thank him. Applebee's has certainly gone out of its way to prove they want me as a customer and they've earned my business.

Hehehe

It's probably not right, but I laughed out loud as soon as I saw this. The abject terror on that kid's face...priceless.

Uh-oh

A mistake

On my way home from work I noticed some people gathered around the TRAX ticket machine. They appeared to be foreigners and while I couldn't tell what language they were speaking, I was sure it wasn't English.

In an effort to be welcoming and help eliminate the "arrogant American" stereotype, I asked if they needed any help. Their spokesman looked up, smiled with a thick accent, said, "No, thank you." I asked where they were from. "France." I was a bit taken aback.

You see, the last time I ran into someone from France I almost punched them in the face. Seriously, if we hadn't been in the UN with it's crazy-tight security, I would have rumbled with the guy and kicked his sorry French butt back across the pond with an American flag tied around his neck like a cape.

Long story.

Coming out of my UN flashback I exercised self-restraint, smiled weakly and took my seat on the hard bench to wait for the train.

A second later the same man came over and asked me if I was from here (Salt Lake). Determined to be polite, I responded that I worked downtown.

He went on to explain he worked for a company called "Monkey Turd" (or something like that. I could barely understand a word he was saying, but I'm pretty sure it started with an "M") which sold some kind of drink from a fruit they found in the Amazon (or maybe it was on Amazon?) and just started importing. It was "amazing" and "helped your whole body".

I stared in unbelief. This had to be a joke. Of all people in the city, I tried to help a 1. French 2. multi-level marketer. If this didn't prove God has a sense of humor, I didn't know what would.

Pierre, or whatever his half-woman name was, pulled out his card and began expounding the virtues of this wonder drink. In the meantime, my mind raced through the events of the day, trying to remember the grievous sin I'd committed to deserve this. I couldn't think of anything. I was even nice to Caryn and didn't get upset when she said the client cut all the good parts out of my copy and that I had to rewrite half of it for an ad due by noon tomorrow.

In an effort to promote diplomatic relations (someday we may need the French for something...like detoxing Chernobyl or testing Ebola vaccines) I accepted his card with a grunt and stuck it in the back of my book.

Thankfully, the Frenchie and his entourage got onto the train before mine so I didn't have to listen to his quasi-socialist ramblings.

I find it ironic that I may not agree with what he has to say, but I'll fight for his right to say it...and he won't even do that.

A perfect weekend not to have Stake Conference

This is one of those weekends which would best be served by doing very little. However, Stake Conference kicked off tonight with a temple trip. A wonderful experience to be certain. (Really, when isn't it good to go to the temple?)

OK. Here's the thing. I just kind of don't want to have anything to do for a while.

I called in sick today because, well, I'm sick. I was looking forward to resting, reading and recuperating. Instead, I got up and shoveled snow. Then I went into work and concepted for a couple of hours. When I got home I had an e-mail from a co-worker with an article she desperately need me to edit. I gave it a shot and sent it back. Then I got ready and went to the temple.

So much for my sick day.

It would be great to have tomorrow to just...be. Not do. Be. To be a reader. To be a writer (NOT a copywriter). To be a husband. To be a photographer. To be rested.

This, however, is not to be. (Ha, ha.) It's stake conference. Any other weekend I would be considerably more excited about that fact. Like next weekend for example. But the combination of illness, fatigue and stress have left me wanting to do nothing more than spend time in my apartment.

I realize staying up until 12:30 in the morning writing about the situation doesn't help improve it much but us sufferers of hypergraphia gotta do what we gotta do.

How I feel about eggs

Here are my thoughts on different types of eggs. Please let me know if I forgot any.

Scrambled: the best, especially on toast
Fried: Tasty, as long as they're not overly runny
Omelettes: Mmmm.
Poached: don't think I've ever had one, but they sound gross. Really, do we need to illegally hunt eggs? Sounds a bit excessive to me.
Hard boiled: No, no, no. Texture, smell...yikes.
Deviled: Never tried one, but the mere thought of a hard boiled egg mixed with mayo...yeah. No.

There you have it. In case you were wondering.

The Bun update

The Bun looks to be progressing nicely. The doctor moved the due date back to the original date, May 18th, which means either the doctor or the ultrasound machine is way off. Either way, it doesn't inspire much confidence.

So fatherhood has been delayed for a bit. It's probably a good thing because we still haven't bought anything for the nursery.

Amazing Grace

What an inspiring movie. Less about the song than I thought it would be, it focuses on the life of William Wilberforce (gotta say, that's an awesome name) and his dedication to the abolition of the slave trade in England.

The story is truly remarkable. William believed he had a calling from God to bring to pass abolition. It was the driving force in his life and it nearly killed him. The pain he felt for the people he tried so desperately to help but, for so long, could not made him physically ill much of his adult life.

It was incredible that this man had the determination and dedication in the face of so much opposition to do what he knew was right. This movie, as they say, is a must-see. And it's only rated PG.

Unfortunately, I haven't noticed much press about this movie so spread the word. With all the smut and garbage out there it's all the more important to promote a movie like this. Here's the link to the trailer.

What's the big deal with Anna Nicole?

An immoral woman (my wife wouldn't let me say "whore") dies and for some reason it's all over the news. Why? All the attention it's getting reflects very poorly, yet accurately, on society's values.

Overheard in New York

Found this site recently and it has some pretty funny stuff. My favorite quote so far:

Dude 1: I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Dude 2: Ummmm...hmmm.

Typical

"Maybe this year we can enjoy an early, mild Spring," I told myself over and over. But deep inside I knew it wasn't true.

In typical Utah fashion, yesterday's high was a beautiful, sunny 61 degrees. Today we woke up to this:
30 degrees and four inches of very wet snow. Figures.

Hugh's desperate plea

Applebee's Dessert

Sean at work was kind enough to treat Matt and I to lunch today. We went to Applebee's. They were a little slow in getting me my dessert so I asked for it to go. I ordered this:
The menu describes this particular dessert as, "Blondie baked with pecans and topped with a scoop of ice cream and chopped walnuts. Served warm with maple butter sauce." Mmmmm. Sounds tasty.

When I got back to my office I opened up my little styrofoam box to reveal this:

So. Applebee's. Forget a few things? This is almost as bad as my McDonald's experience.

7 ways to save for a down payment

Other helpful tips to "save" include:

• Sell or borrow against an asset
• Obtain a low or zero point loan
• Ask the seller to pay your closing costs

Thanks Prudential, for looking out for your customer instead of trying to get them into irreparable debt. It shows you really care about them.

Merits and demerits

This morning I would like to award my dad 10 merits, five for having his cell phone with him and turned on and five for actually answering it. In my family we consider this a small miracle and will likely celebrate this day throughout the years to come.

Unfortunately, Dad also gets 15 demerits because he dropped my mom off at the air port at LEAST two and a half hours before her flight. This was because (and I quote), "I wasn't sure how bad traffic was going to be and she has kind of a heavy bag. Turned out traffic wasn't bad."

No kidding Dad? Really?

Even if traffic was bad, horribly bad, it wouldn't have taken an hour and a half to get to the air port (normal commute time: 30-45 minutes). Now, I don't expect my dad to look on the Internets for traffic reports. I realize the mere idea of this could cause him to have some kind of coronary seizure. But there's this thing that's been around since he was a kid. It's called a "radio". Often, many of the stations on the radio will give updates on traffic conditions. I know they do this because I hear them do it.

The problem is this isn't an anomaly. He does it all the time. It's the same thing when we fly home for holidays. We end up sitting in the air port longer than we do on the air plane. Same thing goes for attending events. For example, he insists we get to plays 30-45 minutes before curtain.

Ah, the quirks of our parents.

The type-o seen 'round the world

As a copywriter I totally get the "oops" moment when you find you've misspelled a word and sent it to the client or worse, to press. It happened this morning in fact. So normally I am not one to point out other's type-o's. However, when the type-o is on the face of the search engine that handles 70% of the world's Internet searches an exception has to be made.

UPDATE: OK. Google says the "L" is in the stem of the strawberry. Hmmmm. Naw. I get what they're saying but I don't buy it.

The Bun update

Here's the latest and greatest picture of The Bun. If you aren't ultrasound-savvy, you're looking at his head. He's lying on his left side looking toward you. He's got a huge noggin and his mouth is open. Hope that helps.

The big news is that the cysts they found in his head went away. The slightly less big news is that our due date has been moved up THREE WEEKS to April 29th. Guess we should start shopping for stuff. Like a place for him to sleep. And maybe a car seat to bring him home in. Stuff like that.

Bumper sticker: Why is there always money for war, but not for education?

My wife taught a math class to 37 kids at a public middle school. I can vouch for the need for more money in our educational system. I don't think a lot of people dispute that. However, finding money always seems to be an issue.

Yet, as this bumper sticker pointed out (yes, apparently I am gaining insight into our political situation via bumper stickers) we can readily find billions in to fund the war in Iraq. To clarify, I support our troops and the cause of liberation (whether that's the only "cause" is up for debate in my mind) but am baffled at 1. how much we spend on defense and 2. how little makes it to our troops. (Driving around in unarmored vehicles??)

Some would argue that it's a matter of "national security" and "don't you want to protect the men and women fighting for freedom?" Yes I do. (See above.) I would respond with the question, "Isn't educating the future of America a critical need as well?"

I tell ya what. Bush is really starting to get on my bad side. The whole covering up evidence of global warming isn't helping matters either. Three years ago I wouldn't have thought I'd say this but I'm looking forward to a refresh in the White House.

Commenting: a goal

I just decided to make it a goal to respond to every comment posted to this blog. I also set a goal to actively comment on other's blogs because, hey, I like it when people leave comments and what goes around comes around, right?

It should be noted that I can picture Matt taking his entire lunch break and leaving several dozen pointless comments on each post, just to tick me off. Matt, if you're willing to leave the comment, I'm willing to respond.

My condition: hypergraphia

"Many suffer from the incurable disease of writing, and it becomes chronic in their sick minds."

Such an apt description of myself!

Who'd have thought? There's actually a medical explanation for my excessive desires to write. While it's not considered a "disorder", it is associated with epilepsy, mania and schizophrenics.

Figures.

Of course, I don't really have hypergraphia. (Only mild tendencies at best.) I've never felt the need to write so urgently that I scribbled down a thought on toilet paper if nothing else was available. Conversely, when I get an itch to write it's not easily ignored and, if I must confess, not something I want to ignore.

It's somewhat encouraging to know authors of the caliber of Tennyson, Poe, and Dostoevsky all experienced hypergraphia. But it's quite discouraging to think I have the drive but not the talent. Kind of a Rudy situation, but with much less skill, no coach and no hope of a movie being made about me someday.

After reading to this point in the post, my wife asked, "Would you rather be loony with more talent?"

I considered her question.

No. I'm fine being mildly loony and even less talented. I'll continue pecking away at the keyboard and scratching away in my journal, grateful for the desire to write and grateful that desire isn't to write about chopping people up in the bathtub and hiding their limbs under my floorboards. There are always methods of improving talent but there aren't always ways of decreasing looniness. Savvy, Poe?

Steve Jobs: "Thoughts on Music"

Stevie J. put an interesting article up on Apple's website about his take on DRM (Digital Rights Management) and music sold through the iTunes store.

DRM music restricts where you can play your music. For example, you can't play music purchased from iTunes on a Zune and you can't play music purchased from Sony's music store on an iPod. The idea behind DRM is to prevent the piracy of music. The music labels require DRM before they'll let their music be distributed online. Senior Steve wants to get rid of it all together.

His argument is, essentially, that a small fraction of the music on people's MP3 players is actually protected by DRM. What about the other 98%? Where do people get this unprotected, easy-to-be-copied-and-distributed-on-the-internet music? From CDs. Distributed by music labels.

El Jobso is calling for the music labels to remove DRM completely and make the music you download off iTunes compatible with any MP3 player out there.

Removing DRM from iTunes-purchased music isn't going to inspire a new wave of piracy. If people are going to pirate music, they're going to pirate music. What it will do is encourage more people to use the iTunes store for legal purchases because they won't be deterred by DRM as they've previously been.

While I think Stevie J. has a solid point, I am curious to see how, or if, the labels respond. I would be shocked if they said, "Good point. You're right. Don't worry about DRM anymore." For one thing, there's too much ego involved. However, the buck-a-song model has proved effective and much more lucrative for the labels than CD sales (they make more per song downloaded off iTunes than they do per song on a CD). If there is any hope of stemming piracy I think unprotected, legal online distribution is going to be the best way to do it because you're removing one more excuse to pirate music.

Riding the train: international envelopes

A young woman was sitting near me on the train. In her purse was something intriguing: international envelopes. Who did she know in another country? Family? Friends? How had they met? Was she from another country? Was she here alone? Why had she come? How did she end up on my train in Salt Lake?

It's so choicely excellent that she's a letter writer. How tempting it must be to resort to e-mail for correspondence when those you're writing are so far away.

Something about an international envelope, with its red and blue slanted stripes along the top, is perfectly romantic. The miles traveled are a testament to the importance of the words contained in the heavily stamped envelope.

The keen anticipation of receiving an letter is unparalleled, but tragically forgotten by most. There's satisfaction in carefully opening the envelope and reading and re-reading the message inside. (When was the last time you pulled up an e-mail and re-read it?) Letters are like journals and photo albums: the records of our existence which are, unfortunately, being overlooked in our fast paced lives.

Hopefully someday I'll have someone to send international letters to. And hopefully someday (sooner than later) I'll send more letters and fewer e-mails.

Four things

I just got back from watching Stranger Than Fiction again. It's an excellent movie. If you haven't seen it, go see it. It's even at the dollar theater. Now you don't have any excuses. But I digress.

During the movie four things occurred to me to write down.

The first was that if you do a lot of extra work to get ready for a vacation, go on vacation, and then come back to a pile of work you need to get caught up on...well...that's not much of a vacation. If you're doing twice the work before and after, you're working the same amount of hours you would if you hadn't taken the vacation.

I can't remember the second thought.

I wished I'd had my notebook with me so I wouldn't have forgotten my second thought. That was my third thought.

My final thought centered around a conversation I had with a friend of mine lately. Recalling the conversation made me wonder: what is my first impression? That is to say, what are people's impressions of me when they first meet me? I think I'll write more about that but it'll be in my journal.

Go see Stranger Than Fiction. And bring your notebook.

Updates to the Quote Board

In lieu of my illness-inspired lack of writing, I'll direct you to the recently updated Quote Board (see "Sites" in the right column). Enjoy.

Sick

Sorry I haven't been posting. I got nailed with a doosey of a head cold.

A prediction

I predict I will wake up sicker than a dog tomorrow morning.

Riding the train: insecurity

The other day I was riding the train home from work and saw someone sad although I don't think she knew she was sad.

The person was a young woman. Hunched over a makeup bag in her lap, her blond hair hung awkwardly in her face as she tried to put on eye liner. Incredibly self-conscious, she wasn't applying it because she thought she was pretty: she felt like she needed it. The pencil bounced precariously near her eye as the train jostled back and forth. Still she persisted. It seemed as if it were an addiction, that if she applied just a little more makeup to her already heavily made-up face it would do the trick. It was heartbreaking to watch. But what could I do to help her? I had an odd, helpless feeling as I got off the train and watched it speed on into the night toward its next stop.

Welcome to TheOtherDrummer.com

You may have noticed I actually got myself my very own URL which I am quite excited about. After a year and a half of blogging it was about time. Having a URL makes my little blog seem so much more...official.

Hug-A-Writer Day

That's right. It's Hug-A-Writer Day. So do your civic duty and hug a writer, OK? They probably need it.

If you want to spread the love to those outside the writing community you could organize a Free Hug event in your area. For an example of what that is, click here.

Digital v. tactile: the internal debate rages on

Journal or blog? Moleskine or Macbook? I love writing in both. Lately I've been leaning more toward my journal. I've filled 13 pages in my journal over the last three weeks. Then again, I've published 20 blog posts in the same amount of time.

There's something wonderful about the tactile nature of writing in a journal: the pen as it glides over the paper. Holding something you're creating in your hand and the exhilaration and pride I feel when I look at a well-loved, worn notebook with pages full of my thoughts, memories and ideas.

I love blogging. Being able to quickly put ideas down and the editing process of refining thoughts, sentences and words to more effectively communicate ideas to the invisible masses who I imagine read this. The ability to reference articles, pictures and current events and spout off my two cents worth about them. A blog is a platform to make your voice heard. Even if no one is listening, the perception remains: you've gone on record and published your opinion.

Why not both? The thought of having my ideas scattered across two platforms makes my quasi-OCD nature quiver in fear and discomfort.

Getting zero miles per gallon

If your car is idling, you're getting zero miles per gallon. Sucks, huh? I quote from Treehugger:

While older cars from the 1970s and early 1980s might have needed time to warm up, the norm since the mid-1980s has been fuel-injection vehicles which can be restarted frequently without engine damage. When you start a car’s engine, a little bit of extra gas is used to get the combustion process started. That means a good rule of thumb for conserving gas is to idle for no more than 30 seconds, except, of course, if you’re just sitting in traffic. If you have a hybrid car, it does the work of avoiding idling for you. While parked or sitting in traffic, hybrids shut off their gasoline engines automatically.

Turn 'em off folks.

Don't touch my Cheerios

Cereal is one of those things I'd rather prepare myself. Any other kind of food I'm very happy having someone else prepare. Even simple things like sandwiches seem to taste better when made for me. But if someone asked if they could pour me a bowl of cereal and serve it to me on a silver platter I'd say, "No thanks," and have them bring me the bowl, spoon, cereal and milk.

So, for your enlightenment, here's how one should properly prepare a bowl of cereal.

It has something to do with the milk-to-cereal ratio as well as the way the milk is poured. Just dumping the milk in one spot and letting it rise over the cereal isn't very tasty. Instead, slowly pour the leche over the cereal until it approaches the correct level. Then gently fold the cereal over itself, bringing the cereal at the bottom of the bowl to the top. This ensures all cereals have roughly equal milk exposure and you don't have super crispy, dry cereal in one spoonful and soggy cereal in the next.

And that's the way it's done.

Disconnected

Nowadays it seems to be fashionable to be connected: cell phones, text messaging, Blackberries. More than tools for communication, they function as status symbols for those constantly using them: "People NEED to be in constant communication with me. I'm needed."

As trends ebb and flow, soon enough it will become fashionable to not be connected. "I'm important enough that I can take time off. I'm not to be bothered by work." I liken this to being tan.

Back in the day women would carry umbrellas so they wouldn't get a tan because it would appear as if they were out working in the fields. (Heaven forbid.) Soon, it became en vogue to have a tan because that meant you had time to go to the beach, play golf and otherwise frolic in the sun. Eventually, not being "connected" will say more about your status than having a Blackberry that won't shut up.

An Inconvenient Truth

I've read the book and just finished watching the movie. I am not a scientist. I have never claimed to be one and frankly don't have a desire to be one. With that caveat, the evidence he laid out was impressive. He addresses the most common arguments against global warming: it's part of a natural cycle the Earth goes through, people can't possibly make such a large impact on the Earth, etc.

The book was much more detailed and persuasive than the movie which is unfortunate because I'm sure of the few people who see the movie, even fewer are going to take the time to read the book. At the very least, see the movie. Read the book if you've got the time. (You also won't have to listen to Al Gore's subtly Southern twang for an hour and a half.)

As Rob said, it's a shame a lot of people won't end up seeing the film because it is perceived as "Al Gore talks about global warming" instead of a well-researched and important film on global warming. Yes, it's necessary to involve politics in a discussion like this but it could have been toned down a bit.

Be prepared to endure numerous, self-aggrandizing shots of Gore walking out to wild applause and some bashing of the current administration. Get through that and you'll come away with an important message and a greater sense of urgency about the world you live in and the way you live in it.

The title is perfect. It's exactly what global warming and other environmental issues are. It's about time we did something about it.

The parking spot

I can't believe how petty I am. There's this one car that's always parked in the same spot in the parking lot of our apartment complex. It's a good spot. Right next to the building and the covered parking.

For some reason I imagine the person who parks there races to get home from work before me. Once she's secured the prime location, she sits back and waits by the window to watch me pull up, find the spot taken, shout a some pseudo cuss words and put my car in reverse. She then watches me from her warm living room as I back up clear past all the covered parking and half way to the dumpster. There I find my "regular spot" in front of the row of trees (read: bird poop alley) and next to the windowless "Kidnapper Van" which hasn't moved since I've lived here.

Tonight the tide turned. I got the spot.

Was I happy not to have to walk as far to get to my apartment? No. Was I excited I wouldn't be adding to my mobile collection of bird turds? No. As I walked to my apartment with a smug smile spread across my face I was simply thrilled the Mystery Driver wouldn't have "her" spot.

I'm so shallow.

K-Fed to appear in Super Bowl ad?

This Sports Illustrated article says Mr. Federline is gong to make an appearance in a Nationwide Mutual Insurance Co. commercial to air during the Super Bowl.

My first thought was, "You've got to be kidding. If it's going to work at all, you need to make fun of him."

Thankfully, it doesn't appear he will be used "seriously" in his role (ala Diddy and others in Pepsi's spots last year). He'll be continuing their "Life Comes at You Fast" series. So despite my knee-jerk reaction to the headline it may turn out to be a funny/effective spot.

Hippy van and the giant orb

I was lucky enough to catch a picture of this Hippy Love Van outside of work this morning. I wish I could have spoken with the occupants, if for no other reason than to find out what the heck that thing strapped to the luggage rack was. Maybe I'll get lucky and see them tomorrow. If they're cool I'll see if they'll give me a tour of their van.

One can hope

When two titans with egos try to join forces things are bound to get a little hairy. Apple claims Cingular made concessions just for them. Cingular came back and said they "bent" Apple. Who's telling the truth? Who cares? The most we can hope for is relationships break down and by the time the blasted device is released the partnership has dissolved and Apple releases it unlocked along with new, less expensive versions.

At least we're doing something about it

What we're doing about it.

Riding the train again

After last night's experience on the train I decided to people watch again and see what I'd see.

I saw two women who worked at Wells Fargo. I knew this because they wore shirts with the bank logo on them. The amusing thing was that if someone had introduced these women to me as working in a bank I would have said, "Oh yeah. I can see that." They just had that look.

My favorite person from tonight was a black woman I saw reading a Bible. Wearing mostly denim, she was standing up while simultaneously hunched over her book with a black pen in one hand, circling passages as she read. Between the scarf wrapped up to her nose and the bandanna pulled low she peered out intently at the words.

Most other people on the train were tired. At best, they were slouched in their seats, absently staring out the windows. Others even attempted to sleep despite the bumpy ride. In contrast, this woman was awake and focused.

The Bible wasn't a new acquisition. It was well studied and the hours of attention were apparent by the worn cover and faded red edges. A bill envelope and a few notes scribbled on pieces of paper jutted out past the edges of pages. Other things appeared to be stuffed inside, although I couldn't tell what exactly.

It was apparent the book served as more than just a source of personal study and inspiration: it was always with her. Much like some people carry a planner or cell phone, this woman had her Bible. It was used. It was lived in. It was the center of who she was and how she functioned.

There's something to be learned from that.

Eventually her stop came. She looked up from between her scarf and bandanna, closed her Bible, gathered her things and walked off into the snow.

It arrived.

The long-awaited iPhone was announced today. In a word: wow. It does everything you could possibly want such a small device to do. It really is remarkable and revolutionary.

However, my overall feeling about Macworld: disappointment. Perhaps it's the jaded former Apple fanboy in me but with a half hour left in the keynote I was wondering, "When are they going to talk about Leopard?" Not to mention they've partnered with Cingular who, based on my experience and perusings 'round the Internets, is universally despised. Asking me to sign a two-year contract with Cingular and fork over $600 is just too much.

I wanted an iPhone to be an iPod and a phone. Instead, the iPhone is beyond my, and I think most people's, wildest dreams and therefore just as unattainable as it was before it was announced. I would have rather heard more about Leopard...something I'm actually going to buy.

This article reflects my thoughts pretty well.

P.S. Kevin Rose, what the heck were you talking about?? Are you a liar or just incompetent?

It's begun

Fetchers.

Riding the train

On the train on the way home from work tonight I decided to stand at the end of the car I was in instead of sitting. This gave me a fantastic view of the other passengers. It was absolutely wonderful. I was enthralled with the variety of people riding the train with me. A few of them stood out in particular.

To my left was a girl about my age. She was staring at a baby near her, seemingly lost in thought. What was she thinking about? Was she wanting to be a mother herself? Was she in a relationship and wondering if it was right? Did she have a little brother or sister, niece or nephew she was worried about? At one point she opened up her purse and revealed a small, stuffed teddy bear with what looked like a pair of hospital scrubs on. Had she been visiting someone in the hospital? Did she just get out herself? Who was sick? Would they get better? What was their relationship?

There were a couple of guys who looked like they belonged in a coffee shop: faded jeans, styled hair, thick-rimmed glasses. One of them was even sipping a latte through a very thin straw.

My favorite though was an old woman sitting by herself. In stark contrast to the people around her she was done up in the way you would think an older lady would dress up to go out: a brown wool coat buttoned up all the way with a broach at the top. A green scarf made several trips around her neck and a pink, somewhat fuzzy hat sat carefully on her hair. I could easily picture her riding the bus somewhere 30 years ago, staring silently out the window as the world rolled by. She had a great face. You could tell by looking at her that she was quite proper, but had a spunky side and wouldn't think twice about putting you in your place if occasion called for it. I wish I'd had my camera.

Bush lifts bans on Alaska oil drilling

President Bush opened Alaska's Bristol Bay (seen above) for oil drilling. What does he think he will accomplish?

Congress protected this area over a decade ago and now, because of greed, laziness or both, the area may be developed while contributing to the burning of fossil fuels.

Here's the reference article.

The most pointless thing ever

I'm all about tech and innovation. In fact, I really, really like it. However this seems completely pointless.

It's a video of Ed Zander riding a bike onto the stage of his Motorola keynote address yesterday. (Not sure what the bike had to do with anything.) This particular clip is about a new thing they're coming out with called "Follow Me TV".

"Let's say," he says in a very cheesy, scripted dialog with another man on stage (who, as far as I can tell, walked on stage without the help of a bike), "I'm watching a TV show in the living room and get called in to go to dinner. But I want to take my TV show with me into the kitchen. What then?" (I told you the dialog was cheesy.)

They go on to demonstrate how you can pause live TV and transfer whatever you were watching to another TV in your house, unpause it and pick up right where you left off without missing a beat.

Or, instead of buying this cutting-edge piece of technology, you could change the channel on the TV when you walk into the kitchen.

"Suspected tornado flattens homes"

Seriously. That was the headline on CNN this morning.

What? You're not sure if it was a tornado or not?

"Littered with downed threes and power lines, homes along this entire street have been wiped out. This has all the makings of a tornado but we don't want to jump to conclusions: we haven't ruled out drunken, wandering giants or a high school prank gone too far. More as the story develops."

Just another example of why I should be making more money than I am. Sheesh.

R.I.P Mr. Ramen Noodle inventor

Mr. Momofuku Ando, the somewhat creepy looking man above holding what was left of his liver, was the creator of instant noodles and founder of Nissin Food Products. He was responsible for all those sodium-laden noodle cups we've all enjoyed. No one really knows how many college students and missionaries he is responsible for keeping alive during his 96 year tenure here on Earth. But I'm sure it was a lot.

So tonight, le's all raise a cup of steamy, previously freeze dried noodles in honor of Mr. Ando. Momofuku, you will be missed.

Writer's block

"A usually temporary condition in which a writer finds it impossible to proceed with the writing of a novel, play, or other work."

First of all, I'm trying to start, not proceed, with a "work". (Referring to this blog as "a work" is a being generous.) Still, it's torture having anything to write about when you want to write. Granted, it's not as bad as having to write and not being able to come up with anything. I've done that too and it stinks. But this is frustrating nonetheless.

Fortunately, I'm watching TV.

Did you know that if I go to a website I can quadruple my income? These happy people sipping champaign make $18,000 a month working part time. Dang it. Obviously, a college education was the wrong choice. Instead of spending years studying all I needed to do to get ahead in life was watch this infomercial and go to a website. What a fool I've been. If I don't visit it I'll never be able to take my kids to Disneyland. Seriously. I feel guilty for writing this much. I need to go.

Apple and me

OK. I've been through the ringer with Apple. My new iMac broke and they took a month to get it back to me. If I were Apple, I would have been scrambling to keep me as a customer. Instead, they did nothing. Unsatisfied, I spent hours on the phone and eventually they sent out a Shuffle and a coupon to try to weasel more money out of me.

The result? I've gone from devout Apple advocate to lukewarm. I don't go out of my way to promote Apple anymore and when people ask me about it I'm honest: I used to be a huge fan but when my brand new computer broke and Apple shoved me on the back burner. Don't bother with them.

I'll be as vocal about my negative experiences as I was about my positive ones and Apple screwed this one up big time.

The worst commercials on TV

I really, really hate Olive Garden's TV commercials. Something stupid is usually said and then people laugh. But it's not a real laugh. It's a fake laugh. Because what they're supposed to be laughing about is stupid.

"Boy. These bread sticks are good."

*Pause*

(Horribly fake laughter.)

*Sigh*

New Year's tradition

In the past I always wrote a journal entry on New Year's Eve. And now with just a minute or two left in 2006 it seemed only appropriate to do one last blog post for the year.

I'm not all that into New Year's Eve. It's not really a big deal to me. Sure, I'll stay up and, hey, any excuse to kiss my wife is great but, eh, I'd just as soon kiss her at 10:30 and go to bed than stay up until midnight.

That being said, here's my year in review:

My first full year at work
My wife was called to be the Primary Chorister
I was called to be in the Elder's Quorum presidency, then Executive Secretary
My grandma passed away
Trips to Wyoming, Oregon, Colorado and (for my wife) Texas
We found out we're going to be parents
Moved into a two bedroom apartment
Had my second anniversary
My wife read the entire Standard Works
Went camping a few times
Attended my wife's family reunion
Found a bird that fell out of its nest
Owned three cell phones
Owned four computers (thanks to Apple)
Produced various radio, TV, print, outdoor and web projects at work
Ate a whole lotta ice cream
Posted 200 blog entries and a few dozen more in my journal

What did you do this year?

I can't help but smile

I'm listening to President Hinckley give a talk to the youth for a special New Year's Eve fireside. Whenever he starts talking I can't seem to help smiling. What a blessing it is to have a prophet on the earth who loves us and has our best interests at heart. The fact that he's sharp as a tack at 97 years old and has a great sense of humor doesn't hurt either. :)

"You can be wise and happy or stupid and miserable. The choice is yours."

Happy New Year. :)

MISSING: urinal cake with plastic enclosure

Before I left work this evening I noticed something different in the bathroom. One of the urinal cakes was missing, plastic enclosure and all. It was there earlier. I know because I used it.

The janitorial staff wasn't around. I peeked around to the other urinal. (No one was using it at the time.) That urinal cake was there in all its pink glory, encased in its nasty white plastic thing. Who would take a urinal cake? What's the motivation? Is there a high street value for partially erroded urinal cakes that I don't know about?

Please, if you've seen a stray, pink urinal cake in a white plastic enclosure don't pick it up. That'd be gross.

I'll stay

After all that, I think I'm going to stay with Blogger. This new layout is tolerable (although it does leave much to be desired). When all is said and done I interact with the back-end stuff most of the time and so far Blogger's is my favorite.

That being said... refer to the T-shirt question and give me some feedback! Thanks!

Thinking of switching

I'm getting a bit fed up with Blogger's templates, so I'm thinking of switching to WordPress. Tell me what you think of the (possible) new site/look by clicking here.

Applying the t-shirt rule

I found a link to a blog post which reads:

"The T-shirt rule. It's a simple test of whether you've created a remarkable experience: Would I buy the t-shirt?

A t-shirt for your blog or your accounting firm or your bug-fighting software. If you're not t-shirt worthy, what would it take?"

Since I don't think anybody would wear a "The Other Drummer" t-shirt, let alone pay for one, I will ask you my (five) loyal readers: what would it take make this blog t-shirt worthy?

Coal: the new, clean replacement for oil?

I found this Newsweek article on Digg. It makes a very good case for coal being the next major energy source in the U.S. and possibly the world.

Not only would a car run 30% cleaner on CTL (Coal to Liquid) fuel, but they can capture C02 emissions during the manufacturing process to clean that up too. The U.S., India and China could all sustain their own transportation needs with the coal they have in their respective countries which makes for greater national energy security and less reliance on foreign oil sources.

Oh. And it would be about 25% cheaper than oil.

Check it out. It's a quick, good read.

Why I should write about my expectations of the birthing process

I have been looking for something to write about. My uncle in-law suggested I write about what I think the birthing process will be like. You'd think I'd be a pro since, well, I've been born. However, this is not the case.

Hmmmm.

Do I really want to dwell on something like that? When people tell you about having a baby all they tell you is 1. how long it took and 2. how painful it was. Only does your mother go beyond that to elaborate on how happy she was to finally hold you in her arms, the reward of hours of excruciating pain. (She leaves out the intermediate steps of smacking you and cleaning off all the blood and internals.)

So do I want to write about what I think the process will be? If I make the attempt, I'm certain to come across as naive and ignorant as my experience with having babies is founded almost entirely on TV shows, movies and other stereotypes.

Hmmmm.

Fine. Here's a rough outline of how I think things will go:

Her water will break. This will be exciting and potentially damaging to whatever she's sitting on/standing over when it happens. At this point it is my job as the nervous/excited new father to run around like a clumsy idiot, scrambling to get everything together to take to the hospital.

In the car on the way there I'll try to do breathing exercises with her, although I'm not convinced they really do anything.

When we get to the hospital she's screaming in pain. I have to fill out a bunch of paperwork before a cranky, bored-looking nurse will help us. Finally, my wife is wheeled into a delivery room.

Her feet are put up in stirrups. This looks uncomfortable. That, and the fact that she's screaming because of things called "contractions". She's also "dilated", or something. This could be good or bad. I'm not sure. My wife is screaming for, "Drugs!"

Eventually she starts pushing. I start looking worried.

At this point, she starts cursing me and every other male on th earth. If I am nearby, she will take a swing at me. I try to be supportive and shove ice chips in her mouth so she won't let out any expletives.

Hours later our son will be born. He'll look pretty gross at first. But then they'll get him cleaned up and bring him in and we'll get to hold him and it will all be worth it. Or at least I'll think so. I'm not the one who had to carry the kid for nine months and then go through ___ hours of pain. But I'm pretty sure my wife will agree nonetheless.

The Bun's a boy!

I'm having a son! The little tyke was a bit hesitant to show off at first but eventually left no doubt.

It was a surreal experience. We could see him putting his fingers in his mouth, kicking, yawning (how does a baby yawn when it isn't breathing?) and moving his arms around. We could even see the individual chambers of his heart as it was beating.

The Ultrasound Chick couldn't tell us anything about the health of The Bun because she's not a doctor, but I think I saw an "updated" due date on the screen of a week earlier than we were told before. Based on that we're aiming for May 11th.

They printed out three pictures for us and will mail us more on a disc. Of the three they gave us, two are of the face/head and one is of his little six pack and legs. Unfortunately, the two face ones are very skeletal which is, of course, what the doctors are concerned about. However, there were several images that showed more of the "fleshy facial features" which make him appear much more baby-like and less like Skeletor.

What a great Christmas present. Oh yes. The Bun now weighs a chunky 14 oz.

Now that we know it's a boy, let's start hearing some name suggestions!

A Bun in the oven

For those of you who may not know, my wife and I are expecting our first child. We've known for a while now but haven't made a formal announcement to anyone (except our families, of course). We've just kinda told people as we thought about it. Is that weird?

Well, tomorrow is the big day. OK, maybe not THE big day, but a big day nonetheless. Tomorrow morning we'll (hopefully) find out The Bun's gender. We're really hoping The Bun isn't feeling particularly modest, otherwise it'll be off to Fetal Fotos in the mall and, honestly, the name of that place just creeps me out.

Dad, of course, is rooting for a boy and Mom is hoping for a girl. Really though, I'll be thrilled as long as they're both healthy and happy.

It's short notice but are there any predictions? Boy? Girl? Any suggestions for names?

My letter to Santa

Dear Santa Claus,

Dang I've been good this year. Really, really good. Seriously. I've been so good the Catholics tried to cannonize me or something, but it sounded painful so I was like, "Whatever John Paul, or whatever your name is. I dig the gesture and all but I really don't have a need for any kind of ancient artillery or whatever. But maybe we could dust off a few of those indulgences and toss 'em my way. Not that I need them or anything because I've been good and all but, you know, but nobody's perfect right? But I'm pretty close so maybe I could sell 'em on ebay or something. And if you could sign 'em or something that'd be cool too. You know, really make them seem all official and stuff. Or, if you could get them in the shape of the Virgin Mary that would be even better. Man, anything that even looks like Mary sells for like a kabillion dollars more than it's worth. Did you hear about that grilled cheese sandwich? Man, it took me like a hundred tries to get it right, but it was totally worth it in the end.

Well, Sir Benedict IX was looking like he was sitting on something pointy and one of his cardinals was about to blow his top. (By the way, you totally look a lot better in red than he does. You totally pull it off. Seriously.)

So anyway, I didn't get a cannon. So if you could get me a wreath or somethin', that'd be grand. Also, I don't know if this is your thing or not but my brother in-law really wants a midget, so maybe you could get me one and we could share.

Thanks and all,

David

My brother in-law's letter to Santa

Dear Santa,
I'm sorry to say that global warming might kill you in the next 5 to 6 years. That's what Mr. Al Gore told me in "An Inconvenient Truth." Since that is the inconvenient truth I am going to need my presents ASAP. This year I would like A 2008 BMW M3 with all the options and a 42" HD plasma tv. I still have not received the midget I asked for multiple Christmas's ago, so how bout hoppin' on that before you melt away into the soon to be warm waters of the North pole.

Expecting you arrival soon,

Bradford

Spreading the blogging joy

My brother in-law is setting up his first blog. I'm so proud. I think he's pretty stoked about it, mainly because he's now sporting a shiny new Macbook. NICE.

Go get 'em Brad.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to everyone! I am truly blessed...

Mario Kart

My wife just kicked my trash at the old SNES version of Mario Kart. I have to remind myself that I had a Sega Genesis, not a crummy Super Nintendo, as a kid so it's OK. Besides, Sega was a heckofa lot cooler. Yeah.

Las Vegas Bowl Champs

It was a great game. After getting warmed up the Cougs performed wonderfully.

However, Oregon's coach seems to be in denial and refused to eat his slice of humble pie:

"'No, my opinion has not changed,' said Bellotti, who a day earlier said BYU would not be among the best football teams in the Pacific-10 Conference."

Well, if you honestly believe that, you must think very poorly of your own team.

Here's the rest of the article, courtesy of The Oregonian.

Title of the final Harry Potter book

If you haven't heard already, J.K. Rowling has released the title of the next, and last, Harry Potter novel. Wanna find out what it is? Follow these directions:

"Go to her home page, click on the eraser and you will be taken to a room -- you'll see a window, a door and a mirror.

In the mirror, you'll see a hallway. Click on the farthest doorknob and look for the Christmas tree. They click on the center of the door next to the mirror and a wreath appears. Then click on the top of the mirror and you'll see a garland.

Look for a cobweb next to the door. Click on it, and it will disappear. Now, look at the chimes in the window. Click on the second chime to the right, and hold it down. The chime will turn into the key, which opens the door. Click on the wrapped gift behind the door, then click on it again and figure out the title by playing a game of hangman."

Personally, I'm a little disappointed at the title. I can't put my finger on why. I just am. Regardless, I'll probably be at the midnight release when it does come out.

Thoughts on the title?

Life without my computer

I was, of course, frustrated when my iMac crapped out on me. However, I decided to try and have an optimistic outlook. It would be a refreshing, liberating experience. Yes. I'd find that I could get by just fine without it, thank you very much. Kind of like when you go camping and remember there is life without the Internet and cell phones and it's quite relaxing.

I was wrong.

It was terrible. For both my wife and me. Computer companies have done a very good job of getting us to center our lives around our computers (*ahem* iLife) and I have admittedly become very dependent. From music and podcasts to calendars and the Internet, it was a royal pain to be without a computer for a month.

What do I do about this habit, this way of life? Do I slowly adapt and find new ways to do things to become more independent? Of course not. I plan on buying a laptop as soon as I can.

*Sigh* I may never learn.

Twitter

A new addition to the blog: Twitter. It's a site where you can make quick updates about where you are, what you're doing or what you're thinking. So if you ever wonder what I do all day...

What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

A more provocative question than, "If you could do anything, what would you do?"

I think I'd start my own business (perhaps around something I'd discovered/invented) and write a book.

So, what would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

It's back [updated]

I just got a call from Becky, the nice lady from Apple. The good news: my iMac is back at my local Apple Store and I'll have it by tonight. The bad news: all she was willing to offer me was a free .Mac account.

We had a nice discussion and I told her what I thought was reasonable: "When people ask me how this experience went I want to be able to tell them that Apple went out of their way to keep me as a customer."

She said she'd get back to me by the end of the day.

I'll keep you posted.

UPDATE 1: Becky called. She said she could give me an eCoupon for $100 off something from the online store. Thanks, but that doesn't even cover the RAM upgrade on the Macbook I was going to get.

UPDATE 2: The new mouse is busted. Figures.

Steve Jobs* called me

*More or less. Well, a lot less actually. It was actually a nice woman who opens his mail. An assistant of some sort (although I wonder if she actually has any direct contact with Mr. Stevie J. or if she's a highly-elevated customer service rep). Regardless, she called. Here's the back-story:

At the three week mark in the Apple Saga I wrote a letter to Steve Jobs. Snail mail baby. I couldn't find anywhere on their website to file a complaint so I went straight to the source. The address? Steve Jobs c/o Apple, 1 Infinite Loop, Cupertino, CA. I was confident my correspondence would find its way to the proper source. From what I can tell, it got as close to The Man as I could hope for.

Friday I had called the Apple Store to find out why the new computer they'd supposedly "overnighted" the previous Friday hadn't arrived yet. I was told it wasn't there and was assured they'd call me when it showed up (they are getting annoyed with me over there, I could tell). I was pretty ticked off. As of this posting it has been four weeks since I took my iMac in for repair. I was visibly angry (which is very rare for me). I tried to work but couldn't focus. Frustrated knowing I'd be going at least the weekend without a computer, I signed myself out of work so I could go outside and walk around the block to cool off. At the last minute I came back to write down the main phone number for Apple in case I wanted to vent or something.

As soon as I came back to my desk my phone rang. "Unknown" flashed on the display. "Great," I thought. "It's someone at the Apple Store with more bad news." Instead I hear, "Hi, David? This is Becky from Apple. I'm calling in response to a letter you wrote Steve Jobs."

I have to admit the timing of the call threw me completely off guard. Anyway, I rehashed the story to her. She said she'd call the Apple Store and call me right back. Now, I've heard the whole "I'll call you back" line from customer service people more than once and rarely do they ever call back. Ten minutes later my phone rang. I was impressed.

She said it was taking longer because my computer had to be custom-built because of the upgraded video card and RAM. I asked why it was taking so long for it to ship when the online Apple Store has "popularly configured" iMacs ready to be shipped out within 24 hours. She didn't know about it. (Figures.) After checking she said she'd look into it more and call me back Monday (today). She gave me a number to call her if I needed anything between now and then.

Today I hope to get some answers and some compensation. I'll keep you posted.

The fart that grounded a plane

Honestly, if you know your gas is that foul why would you voluntarily put yourself in a confined area with hundreds of people at 30,000 feet? I guess if you're dumb enough to light a match on a plane...

Read the whole article here.

Shhhh!

So I've been heading over to the library the last couple of days to crank on some long copy work I have to do. It's nice to get off-site and be able to focus on the work with no distractions: phone calls, e-mails, etc.

I get all set up here and right across from me are two Arby's employees (I know this because they're still wearing their polos, visors and name tags). Rachel has been yapping on the phone since I sat down. She seems to be conversing with someone at a grocery store and advising them on the benefits of buying freshly ground pepper verses the "stuff that's been sitting in a can on the shelf for months."

Riveting Rachel! Let's hear more!

Ooo! Rachel has snakes and, contrary to popular belief, they are quite active in their little habitat.

Rachel can't wait to be old enough to buy margaritas because she loves the way they taste. And, if you were wondering, she thinks vodka is the grossest stuff on Earth. Hey Rachel, if you're not old enough to buy booze, why are you drinking it? Granted, if I had to work at Arby's, I'd probably hit the bottle hard too.

It's funny to think that for some reason I would feel bad for asking her to be quiet. Why is that? She's the one who's being obnoxious and loud in a place that is very clearly supposed to be neither of those things.

Wait. The call has abruptly ended. No "goodbye". No "See you soon." Apparently the person on the other end of the line was as tired of hearing Rachel yap as I was. However, now her partner in crime feels the need to read aloud the content of the website they're both sitting there looking at.

It's fairly quiet for a while until Rachel mumbles, "I really like shoes. I don't know why I like shoes so much, but I do." What a burden. Something surely worth discussing aloud at the library.

Her friend just pulled out a little toy top in the shape of a pig. She began spinning it on the desk which was quite noisy. I looked at it and she looked at me, said sorry... and spun it again. Unbelievable.

Things have been quiet for a bit.

The phone rang. (Note: it did not vibrate, it rang...in the library.) Rachel answered but before she could start talking I asked if she would please take her conversation elsewhere. She looked at me, then ignored me. Her friend motioned for her to leave and she finally did. I'm glad I spoke up because that conversation started about a half hour ago and she's still talking.

Finally, they've packed up and left. Ah...the sweet sound of silence.

The moral of this story: if you're in the library, shut up.

Non-related update: still no iMac.

The Apple saga continues

"Gee Dave, I noticed you haven't been posting as much lately. Why is that?" Well, that's because my iMac is still "being repaired" at the Apple Store. Two and a half weeks and counting.

During week two I'd had been checking up on the status of things fairly regularly, but decided on Monday to just wait and see how things were handled. Finally, after not hearing from them, I called the Apple Store last night.

"Yes! David! I've been trying to get in touch with you..."

Really? How? Telepathy?

"We have done everything we know how to do and can't figure out what's wrong with your iMac. So we'd like to replace it."

Brilliant idea. I believe I suggested it a while ago.

"We'll order a new one for you and do a data transfer for free!"

Really? You'd plug in a Firewire cable and click a button just for lil' old me? Shucks.

I asked what else Apple was going to do to compensate me. He asked if I had Apple Care on my iMac. I replied that I didn't.

"How would you like discounted Apple Care?" he asked.

"How about complimentary?" I said with a bit of an edge. He told me he'd check. A few minutes later he came back.

"We'd like to offer you $50 off Apple Care which will make it only $119."

First of all, that's the educational discount and my wife is a teacher. Second, my computer broke at a huge inconvenience to me and now Apple's trying to sell me and extended warranty "at a discount" that costs them nothing to provide? Don't insult me.

"OK. I've been authorized to give you $30 off a .Mac account."

Do I look like a fool? Honestly, do I come across as an idiot? (Don't answer that.) .Mac accounts are already discounted $30 when you get a new computer. In short, Apple was willing to do NOTHING to compensate me for my time, trouble or (at the very least) the month of unused high-speed Internet I've been paying for. Instead they were trying to hit me up for more money.

Hey Apple, here's my idea of fair compensation for the crap you've put me through:

• Give me a loaner computer until my computer arrives.
• Express ship my iMac and do a data transfer.
• Throw in complimentary Apple Care, Pro Care and .Mac
• Then, to say you're sorry, a generous Apple gift certificate/coupon. (I'm talkin' in the ball park of 25% off a new computer.)

None of these things would cost them anything out of pocket.

Any predictions on what they'll actually do?