I just got a call from Becky, the nice lady from Apple. The good news: my iMac is back at my local Apple Store and I'll have it by tonight. The bad news: all she was willing to offer me was a free .Mac account.
We had a nice discussion and I told her what I thought was reasonable: "When people ask me how this experience went I want to be able to tell them that Apple went out of their way to keep me as a customer."
She said she'd get back to me by the end of the day.
I'll keep you posted.
UPDATE 1: Becky called. She said she could give me an eCoupon for $100 off something from the online store. Thanks, but that doesn't even cover the RAM upgrade on the Macbook I was going to get.
UPDATE 2: The new mouse is busted. Figures.