A period of consequences

"The era of procrastination, of half-measures, of soothing and baffling expedients, of delays, is coming to its close. In its place we are entering a period of consequences." - Winston Churchill, 1936

What a profound quote. I found it in An Inconvenient Truth and I whole-heartedly agree with it. Corporations and citizens alike can no longer claim ignorance regarding their responsibility toward the Earth and its inhabitants.

Most environmental action thus far has been moderate at best. ("We don't want to be too stringent on the auto industry. They have a huge impact on the economy.") Guess what? Europe has much stricter environmental standards than we do (Kyoto Protocol anyone?) and their economy is thriving.

Another quote, this one from Al Gore, fits perfectly. After talking about how the U.S. could conceivably lose 60% of its soil moisture in the next 50 years due to global warming he says:

"How do we debate something as cataclysmic as this in the traditional framework of our political dialogue?"

In short: suck it up. We've been skirting around serious, lasting environmental regulations for too long. To date, environmental promises have been nothing more than PR releases, premeditatedly forgotten and swept under the rug. If we continue to try to create environmental reform the same way we have been, nothing will ever change. It hasn't yet.

As Churchill stated, the time is past. Let's set some tough standards...now. Rarely does anybody talk about short-term, immediate plans. Why? Because it requires change and that's hard to do (and, when it comes to corporations, it's expensive). But that's exactly what needs to happen.

Well, if you'd been doing a little bit all along instead of ignoring the problem, the change you're inevitably going to have to make wouldn't suck as much. It's time for everyone to bite the bullet and do the right thing.

Dual Uvulas

Check this action out. We were hanging out with some friends from our ward when, naturally, the subject of uvulas came up. If you look closely, you can tell that this person has TWO uvulas, medically referred to as bifid uvulas.

Gross, huh?

I know it doesn't make sense, but it seems like that should tickle.

Need more proof Vista is ripping off OS X?

Check out these two great videos on YouTube. The audio is from a presentation by Microsoft about upcoming features on Vista, but the visuals are the current version of OS X which has been out for over a year.

Video 1
Video 2

For some reason, this makes me even more excited for Leopard. It's the perfect opportunity for Apple & Co. to relase an even more advanced OS and take the wind right out of Microsoft's sails.

It's arrived!

My Dwight Schrute bobble head doll has arrived! My wife ordered it for me months ago and it's finally here. Truly, this is a red letter day.

The history of the DSBHD is this: Angela and Dwight have a secret, rather disgusting romance going on in The Office that nobody knows about except Pam. Well, Dwight has quite the collection of bobble head dolls on his desk, so Angela had one of him made and gave it to him as a Valentine's Day gift. The viewers spoke out, and NBC responded by mass producing this prop from the show.

There you have it. The Dwight Shrute Bobble Head Doll.

Pride and Prejudice swallowed

I did it. I bit the bullet and watched Pride and Prejudice, my first ever "Bonnet Movie" as a gift to my wife for our anniversary.

To be completely honest...I enjoyed it. It was a good movie, Kiera Knightly was fantastic, the music was beautiful and the cinematography gorgeous. I was amazed at how long many of the scenes went without cutting (the dance scene with Darcy and Elizabeth comes to mind).

On the downside, I don't quite get Mr. Darcy. Why do women swoon over him? Why do they write his last name after theirs? He seemed to have the personality of a gamy badger for most of the movie. Even when he is confessing his love he horribly insults Elizabeth. True, he did a nice thing or two there at the end, but overall he acted like an arrogant punk. Now, my beloved sister in-law would point out, and I quote, "Mr. Darcy is one of the most complex characters in all of literature." Perhaps. But I didn't read the book. I saw the movie. And based on what I saw, he was a jerk 90% of the time and then does a couple nice things at the end (because he's filthy rich) and gets the girl.

Mr. Darcy sounds a lot like a Goon.

Despite the mystery surrounding "Mr. Darcy" (if that's even his name), I would actually like to see the movie again.

There I've said it. I watched, and enjoyed, a Bonnet Movie.

"Platypus" AKA GDrive

Rumors have been circulating about Google releasing online storage "Platypus" (or Gdrive) capable of syncing with your computer, ala .Mac accounts. Except Gdrive will probably be free and give you more space. Sounds good to me! I wish I could use it with iWeb...

P.S. I would personally like them to call it Platypus instead of Gdrive because I'm all about marsupials.

Should sleep, must write

It's quickly approaching midnight. I still need to read my scriptures and get ready for bed. But something in me is screaming, "Write you fool! Write!" Unfortunately, this pesky voice isn't considerate enough to tell me what to write about. All I have going for me at this point is desire.

The only thing I found useful from my physical science class at BYU was learning of the concept of Occam's Razor which, briefly, is a law of succintness stating that if something can be said or communicated in a simpler way it should be done. I think the prinicple is marvelous and I have some OCD tendencies which necessitate me applying it by keeping things clean and generally clutter free.

For example, today I pulled everything off my desk, unplugged all cables attached to my computer and piled everything into the living room. I dusted, then began reassembling everything, trying to find ways to make the appearance of my little workspace cleaner and less busy. I even went so far as to remove my second monitor (it's always bugged me that it didn't match my main display). Honestly there wasn't a lot that changed, except now I have a lot of the cords and cables tucked away behind the desk that were previously bulging out behind the computer.

Doing this wasn't really an option. It had been bugging me for a few days and needed to be done. Other things to which I apply Occam's Razor/feed my OCD tendencies:

The desktop on my computer. I know people who keep dozens of files and folders on their desktops. Right now I have five icons on my desktop, and two of them are my iPod and a CD.

My car. My car, Petie, is very clean (inside at least). I have a pair of sunglasses and my gym pass in the little space under my stereo. There's a sunshade that I tuck behind the passenger's seat when I'm driving and that's about all. I don't have anything in the door panels and there's nothing on my dashboard, no trash under the seats. And that's the way I like it.

What does this mean? First of all, I could go insane when we have kids. Second, it's no wonder I want an iMac so much. Third, I probably come off as a neat-freak psycho who will have some kind of breakdown if he finds lint on the carpet. Believe me when I say, it's really not that bad.

OK. I've started yawning and the voice telling me to write is starting to sound more and more distant. It's time for bed.

Someone knows me all too well

Whoever invented this must have known me in college.

New Look + New Name

Since our work Personality Index reviews (see unpublished post. Ha, ha.) I've been thinking about what makes me tick. If I could have things the way I wanted them, if I could put a finger on my dreams and motivations and figure out how to explain "Me", how would I do it?

As I thought about that in, of course, the shower (props to my old blog title), I realized I am a walking dichotomy: I'm shy and outgoing, frugal with expensive taste, a social guy who likes his alone time, focused and wandering, etc. etc. etc. Somehow, I came up with the title when thinking about these things.

With that vague history, take it for what it is. Like it? Dislike it?

I'd give the guy money

A homeless man in Grand Junction, Colorado was standing on a corner holding up the following message written on a peice of cardboard:

"Ninjas killed my family. Need money for kung fu lessons".

Road Kill Cafe?

I know it's not going to look like the one on the left, but c'mon Mcdonalds. That's just sad.

Portland to mandate 5% biodiesel by '07

Apparently, there's legistlature in my hometown to require all diesel to be 5% biodiesel by 2007, and 10% by 2010.

Way to go Portland! However, I have a concern about slowly shifting our dependence from foreign oil to ethanol/corn-based fuel sources. On the surface I think it's a great idea: it's completely renewable, eases our dependency on foreign oil and makes a great supplement for existing fuel sources.

However, what would happen if we were using corn for (caution: link to tacky HTML government site with animated GIFs) 85% of our fuel needs, then had a couple years of drought across the midwest? Would our energy situation be worse off than it is now?

I'm all for biodiesel/ethanol, but I think it needs to come from a source that doesn't rely so heavily on unstable sources we can't control (the weather).

(Link to reference article)

Environmental Luxury

The more I try reach back to my tree hugger roots (see picture), the more I come to realize that being environmentally friendly can be quite expensive. I figure this is because most of the things we do that use a lot of energy revolve around two primary things: cars and our homes.

I live in an apartment. Even if I could afford it, I would not be able to put solar panels on the roof, double pane my windows (which desperately need it. When the wind blows the blinds move...and that's when they're closed), or purchase washing machine that uses silver ions instead of detergent (no chemicals) and cold water (less energy) to make the organic clothes I don't own 99% germ free.

As far as cars go, Japan has the right idea with hybrids as demonstrated in the Prius, the Insight and the Civic Hybrid. The U.S. auto manufacturers are a bit stupid as most of their hybrids are in large trucks and SUVs, resulting in minimal fuel/emissions savings. What's the point? And they wonder why they keep losing money...

Unfortunately (or, depending on how you look at it, fortunately) I am not in the market for a car right now. So no 60 mpg for me.

The problem with the recent resurgence in environmental awareness is that it's not mainstream. It's trendy at best, and being championed by either celebrities with money to spare or people perceived as environmental nut jobs who don't use deodorant and live in shipping containers or these things.

It goes back to the theory some have that one dominant green innovation isn't going to come along and dominate life as we know it. (Although I would argue that the guy with the supposed hydrogen maker would have a pretty good shot at doing just that.) Instead, it's going to be a combination of new technologies that, when combined, make a big impact. That, however, is part of the problem: there are a lot of obscure things out there, but not one thing people can latch onto, rally around, and take mainstream.

Bummer.

Of course, you don't have to build a house out of hay and beer cans or own a Prius to be environmentally friendly. As Andrea knows, I recycle a lot of my office paper. I have been driving more conservatively and I always turn off the lights when I leave a room. That's well and good, but at risk of sounding like a hemp-wearing smelly tree hugger, all that stuff is kind of "sissy" in my perspective. It all has the "duh" factor. Of course I do that. That stuff is a given. I want to do more.

You have to understand, I grew up in Oregon. My family of four threw out two paper grocery sacks of garbage a WEEK--everything else was recycled. In the evenings, we had one lamp on in the entire house. During the hot summer months, my mom would make us walk in through he garage to keep the house cool (no AC). The reult? It pains me to throw away a milk carton. I pause before sending a tin can into the trash. SUVs that serve only as status symbols tick me off.

Now you know where I'm coming from.

While I think living in almost complete darkness is a bit much, I think I should be doing more (along with everybody else out there). But what? How? At the moment, I don't think I can afford the luxury of being environmentally savvy.

The Hope Garden

Paul and I came up with this concept for a client of ours, BSD Medical. They're a medical company that specializes in hyperthermia (the heating of tumors).

Perhaps the best thing about hyperthermia is that it can be used with recurrent cancer patients. Most cancer patients can't be given two full radiation treatments, and partial treatments aren't effective. Enter hyperthermia. BSD can focus micro/radio waves specifically on the tumor, heating it to high fever temperature. This weakes the tumor making it vulnerable to small doses of radiation so patients with recurrent cancer can tolerate the additional treatment.

In some cases, it can double the effectiveness of radiation therapy.

Well, Paul and I are sitting around one day, discussing the idea of how this procedure gives hope to people who otherwise wouldn't have it, and the concept of a "hope garden" was born.

The Hope Garden is a place for cancer survivors, cancer patients and their loved ones to share uplifting messages with others who are struggling through similar trials. I truly believe there's a lot more to healing than medicine, surgery and hospitals. People really can influence others for good. Hopefully this site becomes a medium for them to do that.

My hat's off to BSD. They saw the same vision Paul and I had for it: a tool to uplift and plant hope in people. They didn't do what so many companies would have done and plaster it with ads or sales pitches about their product. It's simply a place people can go to inspire and be inspired.

Coming up with the idea was the easy part. Paul's been busting his butt for months, working nights and weekends to get this thing finished. It's designed beautifully and the Flash is a work of art. Thanks.

(If you didn't catch it in the post, there's a link to the garden here.)

The Roaming Pregnancy Test

After being used in a photo shoot for some spec work the agency did, the e.p.t. has been making its rounds through the office. Kendal left it in Jeremy's office. He retaliated by leaving it, unbeknownst to Kendal, between Kendal's monitor and the window that faces the hallway. After many inquiries, Kendal discovered the hidden test and moved it to Paul's window. Paul moved it to our snack box in the break room, wedged between some cookies and a bag of chips.


At present, it's in Caryn's office, hidden behind a frame, but facing out her window into a hallway. Perhaps the best part of this is that she saw me sitting across the hall at Tyler's desk pretending to leave it there. So when/if she finds it, she'll think Tyler put it in her office.

This is better than that stupid gnome, so stay tuned and I'll keep my faithful readers (all six of you) up-to-date on the happenings of the e.p.t.

OS 10.5 Leopard screenshots?

Take it with a grain of salt, but here's a link to some supposed shots of next year's release of OS X Leopard.

Note a new version of Internet Explorer being used natively in OS X. Also, a tabbed Finder window (brilliant) and a new Address Book/Calendar icon in the Dock. The second image is apparently a screenshot of a desktop Fast User Switching transition. It would be interesting to see this in motion.

IF these are even real.

P.S. Somehow, I doubt I'll ever switch back to IE, even if they do give OS X users the same version as Vista users. I've been pleased with Firefox and Safari (although I now use Firefox almost exclusively) and am sorta-kinda keeping an eye on how Camino turns out. Despite the rave reviews Camino's received, I haven't noticed anything different enough about it to make me want to switch, not to mention there are hardly any extensions and themes available for it.

What I do

When people ask me what I do for a living, it's kind of hard to explain. I usually just say, "I'm in advertising." That, however, is vague enough they usually follow up with, "What do you do exactly?"

*Sigh*

"I'm a copywriter".

"Oh."

At this point people assume I'm some kind of lawyer dealing with trademarks and little C's with circles around them. Depending on how much I care about the person I'm having this discussion with, I may or may not clarify:

"I write ads."

This is funny because sometimes people don't realize ads have words.

"Oh! TV commercials and stuff?"

Yes. Kind of. But not really. There isn't much TV done with clients in this small of a market, and I'm low enough on the totem pole that I've only written one TV spot.

"Kind of. I write some radio commercials, and stuff in newspapers and magazines. I also write web sites, brochures...anything a company produces that needs words, I write."

It's at about this point that people smile and nod and pretend they care and change the subject.

In my defense, I think I have one of the coolest jobs in the world. I mean, it's one of those jobs where, if I told people the projects I work on they'd think, "Someone get's paid to do that??" Yeah. Me.

Said projects include:
• Naming a hotel in Park City
• You know that letter from the gas company in your utility bill? Yeah. I wrote it.
• Putting catchy phrases on pencils that companies hand out
• Ever noticed funny things written on your cup or bag from a fast food place?
• Writing and entire Christmas catalog for a local dry goods company

Now, the next time you get a napkin with your meal, and there's something even remotely clever written on it, stop and observe a moment of silence in honor of the poor copywriter who labored for hours trying to come up with exactly the right wording for that napkin...before you blow your nose in it.

This guy's job sucks

The Office Season 2 DVD

I was reading Jenna Fischer's myspace (no, I do not have a life) and aside from learning a lot about her favorite sandals, she mentioned they recorded the DVD commentary for season two and it will be out in September.

Here's the link to the blog article (in case you too lack a life).

UPDATE: Additional research has revealed that the DVD will be released September 12th and is a 4-disc set. Amazon has it available for preorder for $35.

The Quote Board

We need an online Quote Board because, dang it, we say some funny stuff.

"Ooo! Bring me back a cookie! They're cheaper if you buy more." - Amy

"Jesus was a fisherman. What do you think it smelled like when he taught?" - Doug

Amy asks me, in front of her parents and brother while we're playing cards, "What's that game we like to play? Dominatrix?"

Me impersonating Doug's response to the recall notice on Brad's car:
"Something about a fire under the hood, blah, blah, blah, final notice, yadda, yadda, yadda."

Doug: "Do you know what a rhetorical question is?"
Me: "Did you want me to answer that?"  

"I know I may not look it, but I have a dreidel." Alysia's friend.

"Do you know how much money we could make if we were Italian and in the mob?" - Brad

"Why does it make our husbands uncomfortable when we flirt?" - RaeLynn

"Can we clone you and kill the others?" - Gary

"I can't relate. I'd never do anything that stupid." - Teri

"Careful Jake - you're still soft on top." - David

"If I were a dinosaur I'd eat that tree." - Heidi

"Next time I get a prostate exam I'm going to a taller doctor." - Doug

"Three in a row? Dang. Looks like someone else needs to start talking." - Amy

"I'd be really good at yoga if I didn't have any arms or legs." - Amy

"That was a brilliant use of profanity!" - Amy

"Thanks to you and your amazing sperm." - Amy

Heidi: I think my arms are getting fat.
Amy: You know, I think I'd be OK if I didn't have any girls.

"It's a good thing she's wearing pants." - Becky

"If I was really, really tall I'd find a really, really tall girl to breed with." - Brad

Amy - "Apparently I'm not as smart as I think I am.
Me - "That's OK. I couldn't figure out how to set up my Far Side calendar."

RaeLynn - "What if you go metro in the next couple of years?"
Scott - "I can't because I'm fat."

"If you want to be in my will, you'd better put me on your quote board you little punk." - My Father In-Law

"Dear, the ceiling fan is the best parent in the world." - David

"I don't get it. How can people not believe in global warming? It's so hot!" - Melinda

"Dear, we need a little person to make cookies." - Amy

"Can I just say that high heels can really be annoying?" - Ryan

"Seriously. I poke myself in the eye on a daily basis." - Melinda

"Nobody can make you laugh but yourself." - Heidi

"Hopefully that's why my check engine light has been on for so long." - Curtis

"No one likes a leper." - Amy

Oma (our friend's grandma), laughing: "I like monkeys."

Matt: Do you know where, "Wax on, wax off" comes from?
Whittney: Seinfeld?

"You're never too old to go to space camp dude." - Dave, "Stranger Than Fiction"

"I raise mini-cattle under my bed." - Amy, sort of

"Sometimes I think I interact with the TV more than I'm supposed to." - Amy

"Wait. There aren't 71 states." - Hunter

"Did that bird miss a connecting flight South or what?" - Amy

"You can be wise and happy or stupid and miserable. The choice is yours." - President Hinckley, Dec. 31, 2006

"I can't imagine what it would be like to have your government overthrown...is there anything good on TV tonight?" - Amy

"If you were a super model, I wouldn't love you less, just in a different way than I do now." - Jeremy O.

"I don't hang out with you anymore and look how cool I am!" - Rob

"David, you need to grow your monkeys." - Whittney

"I'm a genius too! Wait. I think I just spit a bran flake." - Amy

"Need I remind you it powered a time machine?" - Amy

"Dear, how come we never get to watch Desperate Housewives when the kids are around?" - Doug

"I'm so hot, I'll never have to pay for anything ever! Look at me spin! Look at me twirl! " - Ryan, referencing the Jazz cheerleaders

"Well, obviously my underwear is unravelling." - Doug

"I hate getting out of the car. It's like going to the bathroom." - Amy

Heidi: "Grandma, are you a racist?"
Grandma: "No. I'm a bigot."

"Tastes just like real french toast!" - David

"I'm writing 'eat me' on pork" - Amy

"Girls rule! We have homemaking skills AND physical endurance skills" - Heidi

"He may be shallow, but he dates hot chicks" - David about Brad

"Dang! No wonder people like having money." - Amy

"Dad, I don't think you've made the peacock noises since we left Colorado" - Amy

"Is she going to wear a hair net, or am I going to have to worry about that all night?" - Doug

"The conduit for all knowledge in the universe is located in our apartment. Specifically, the shower." - Rob

"Adam had it easy. Eve HAD to love him!" - Josh

"If the social life of the world would be best benefited by my hooking up with an ugly girl, then I'm sorry - it's not happening." - Ryan

"Woo-hoo! I have dents in my head!" - Neil

"Hello, is this whore removal?" - Dave

"My brain is numb. There's been cheese on it all night." - Ryan

"I used to be a body builder..." - Dave

"Hey! Don't make fun of the dumb kid." - Alysia

"I've been told my hair feels like rabbit fur." - Neil

"I hate not eating out. 'Cause, well, first of all it sucks..." - Ryan

Dave: "What's a lime-o?"
Rob: "That would be 'limo' Dave."

"Ya know, some people just look better from far away." - Definitely Ryan

"Women don't want a knight, they want the whole dang Round Table!" - Rob

Eden: "You know, in Russian, 'Rob' means 'slave'".
Ryan: "Well, in English 'Rob' means 'to steal'".

"Sometimes I almost feel guilty for BS-ing my homework. Then I think, 'Wait, no I don't.'" -Dave

"Is she the tall girl with the loud mouth?" - Ryan

"You're a very positive person, but I think you're an idiot." - Rob

"Nothing hurts more than seeing two beautiful girls going into a bridal store." - Dave

Dave: "I always buy biscuits, but never make them."
Rob: "Then don't get any."
Dave: "But I might this time."
Rob: "The triumph of hope over experience."

"You're not hopeless Dave, all you need is a good woman." - Rob

"If there were no girls, we'd never be tempted. It'd be like scout camp." - Josh

"Well, that's a bridge under troubled waters. Wait..." - Rob

"Hyrum's wife died, and HE got married like a week later." - Ryan

"I'm just the ultimate compliment." - Ryan

Dave: "With hair like this, it's amazing that I don't have a girlfriend."
Josh: "Maybe it's your personality."

Old people "style"

When people hit a certain age, style ceases to matter, if it ever did at all. Such is the case with my beloved father, who feels the need to tuck his sweatshirts into his corduroy pants.

Dad, I love you. But please, please cease tucking inappropriate shirts into your pants. For a list of shirts that are OK to tuck into pants, see the following:

1. Button-up shirts

Any other shirt should not be tucked in, but worn over the pants, not under.

A concern

I have a concern about my toes. And that is, I feel that my four "non-big toes" on each foot are soon going to grow togther to form one giant toe, leaving me with only two toes per foot.

As you can see from this blurry photo, there is a huge space between my big toe and the next four toes. In addition, the next four toes have become curved and contoured to one another. It's only a matter of time before they fuse together and become one.

Then I would look like a ninja turtle.

Of course, if I had biceps like Michelangelo here, I'd be fine with only having four toes.

I'd like to take an objective look at the idea of my toes growing togther in such a manner. Perhaps I could be experiencing the next stage of human evolution. Perhaps I am even cooler than the Ninja Turtles in that I am a real-life X-Man.

Granted, my only mutant power would be having four toes. But that's really quite remarkable when you realize that's four toes TOTAL, not per foot. I know, I know... it isn't as amazing as, say, being able to control the weather or disappear and reappear at will. And another thing I have going against me is that I'm not blue or green. I'm just kind of a pasty white. I have a couple things to say about that:

1. Wolverene has fair skin too and
2. When the second ice age comes about (after the whole global warming thing has run its course) I'm going to be the one who survives, not the Turtles because it's much easier to evade predators in the snow if you're not green. (Plus they're turtles, which are cold blooded, which means they'd die anyway.)

So there you have it! I am the next stage in human evoution! Leave me a comment if you'd like me to send you a signed 8x10 glossy of my toes. In the meantime, I'm heading to the gym to see if I can't beef up these biceps of mine.

Filming

Last week I got to take part in my first TV shoot for a campaign I wrote for Voter Outreach.

While it is fun to be out of the office for a bit, filming is, as a general statement, fairly boring. There's a lot of standing around. Then something happens. Then you stand some more.

That being said, I met a lot of cool people throughout the process, including the guys who invented the little keychain holder for your chapstick. Ben from Fueld Films was great to work with and, thus far, the spots look great.

It's weird to think that something I thought of (with help, of course) is being created professionally. It's a nervous, exciting, pit-of-your-stomach feeling. Regardless, I couldn't be happier to be working on it and I'm anxious to see how it turns out.

Doggie Bag

Perhaps the best invention in the world. Ever.

The Macbook

It arrived. Actually, it arrived on Tuesday and I just haven't had time to write about my lustful desires until now.

The Macbook (yes, I believe I was the first one to publicly predict it would be called that) :) is the newest focus of my ever-changing technological covetousness. It is most definitely drool-worthy with its dual-core goodness, glossy display and unique, yet very enjoyable keyboard. Essentially, it's the perfect computer for a writer such as myself. I am a bit disappointed that it 1. doesn't have a dedicated graphics card and 2. comes with two 256 MB sticks from which to share with the integrated graphics. C'mon Apple! At least have the decency to give us one 512 stick so we can only have to buy one stick to make it an even gig!

Note to anyone reading this: never by RAM from Apple. They charge double what you can get it for elsewhere.

Regardless, I want to save up to by this (black?) beauty. Assuming I got it configured the way I wanted out of the box, it would run me a cool $1,848 plus tax. After my handy-dandy discount it'll come out to the bargain-basement price of $1,570.

One can dream...

Conserving gas

With gas prices at an all-time high, I've decided to proactively try to conserve fuel by changing my driving habits. Not that I've ever been the tire-screetcching, red-lining kind of guy (although that's because I don't drive a BMW - yet), I figured I could tone it down a bit.

After a couple weeks of accelerating slower, shifting sooner and driving (closer to) the speed limit I found that I averaged about 30 mpg. Not too shabby. Whilest doing so, I also noticed another side effect: less stress.

Consciously driving slower has made me a much more patient and easy-going driver. I don't experience road rage (or my version of it) at all when I'm going easy on the gas. It makes for much more pleasant commute.

So there's one more reason to conserve gas.

"Then a miracle occurs" - it may have already

A while back I mentioned how hydrogen cars would probably be the best economically and environmentally, but that the technology was so far off, if it was ever developed, that in the meantime there was no real point in even daydreaming about it. UNTIL NOW!

Hehehe...check out this video from Fox News.

This man figured out a way to convert H20 into HH0 using electricity and has modded his '94 Escort with the technology. What kind of mileage does he get? 100 miles/4 oz. of water.

So maybe hydrogen powered cars aren't as far off as we thought.

Saturday

It's Saturday. And what a great day of the week Saturday is. Especially when I don't waste most of it sleeping in and getting a slow start in the morning.

I got up early to go help clean the church, which actually consisted of setting up chairs. No worries, and it got me out of bed. Since then I've helped clean the apartment and have been wading through e-mail. And it's not even 11:00 yet.

The windows are open and a nice spring breeze is blowing into the apartment. Frank Sinatra is playing quietly in the background, Amy is on the Love Sac writing in her journal. No pressing worries at the moment. It just feels...yeah... life is good.

Post-it notes

We pulled a prank on a guy in our office (Hugh). Here's a great time-lapse photography clip Paul put together.

Post-it note prank.

I love you all very, very much.

Macbook Release Not So Imminent

It appears Stevie J. pulled a fast one over on everybody. No Macbook announcement (or any announcement for that matter) last Tuesday. So the newest word on the street is, and makes logical sense, that Apple will be making new product accouncements at the grand opening of their new 5th Avenue store in New York. Mr. Jobs (doesn't that kind of sound like a Bond villian?) personally designed the huge glass cube that will sit over the entrance of the underground mecca. Rumor has it that it cost about $9M. Hey, if ya got it...

I've been shot

Paul shot me with his pellet gun in the back of the leg.

I'm not gonna lie. It hurt. It caused me to yell out in surprise, and I'm sure more than a few people around the office thought I was going to cuss, mainly because my initial scream consisted of, "Son of a!"

Naturally, this means I will be purchasing a pellet gun of my own (preferably fully automatic). 

Funny

Rob insisted that I write something funny today. While stress from work (curse you FDA! And while we're at it, curse a couple of other clients too), a death in the family, illness and general exhaustion have limited not only my free time to write posts, but humorous ones seem to have been completely beyond me.

So, to appease the masses (Rob, you have put on a little weight) I declare this:

Ryan looks funny.

Macbook Release Imminent

Check out this bad boy. Oh yeah...it's a Macbook, and it's coming soon. Rumor has it that Apple Retail stores have recieved shipments of window displays labeled, "Do not open until May 9th."

It's a good thing I've got some extra cash coming in right now. Boo-ya!

The iPod is the remote

Granted, the little IR Apple remote is small and fun and magnetic. But instead of docking your ipod in a speaker system and then using said remote, why not use Apple's existing wireless speaker system, give the iPod wireless connectivity to those speakers, and have the iPod itself be the remote? It's not as if carrying around an nano or 5G ipod is some laborious task. You would have all your info with you at all times, and not have to get up, walk to the dock, pick your playlist or album and then go sit back down again (which defeats the whole purpose of the remote in the first place).

So you buy speakers for numerous rooms in your home. As you walk through your home, carrying your iPod with you, it automatically syncs wit the nearest speakers, so the music follows you. When you leave a room (are out of range of the bluetooth connection) the music (obviously) stops.

So that's my prediction. The iPod will go wireless, and when it does the need for that sexy little remote and all those docking speaker setups will be obsolete. They'll have to figure out a way to get the bluetooth audio quality up to par, but the nice thing is that, I believe, the wireless airport speakers plug directly into the wall, eliminating the need to recharge them as you would a bluetooth headset and the iPod already has, what, a 10-12 hour battery life? Even if you cut that in half due to a constant bluetooth connection that still gives you at least five hours of strolling around the house that you can do before you have to recharge.

Mom's rules of the road

Years ago, my mom came up with her "Rules of the Road." Thanks to the Internet, we can make everyone accountable for these rules. To that end, I publish them here.

MOM'S RULES OF THE ROAD

1. It's my road.
2. Get off my road.
3. If you have a problem with my rules, see rule no. 1.

Alternative Fuel Articles

Here are a few cool articles about recent advances in developing alternative fuel sources.

Cheaper Veggie Diesel May Change the Way We Drive

Breakthrough in Biodielsel Production by Japanese Scientists

Teeny Reactor Pumps Out Biodiesel

This last article makes me wonder if there could be a way to "refine" your own fuel in the car itself. Just distribute veggie oil and alcohol and let the entire refining process happen in the car. Oil refineries would become obsolete (or nearly so) and it would seem that the cost would have to be minimal.

Enjoy.

Missing NY

I'm sitting here at my desk, proofing website copy, listening to Wicked, and absolutely aching to go back to New York.

The tall buildings, the diversity of the people... just being in the big city. I think I spent more time outside in New York than I ever have here in Salt Lake. There's always something to do, someplace to visit, interesting people to meet.

I was just talking with Mike about The Met, and how truly amazing it is to see Rambrandts and Van Goghs in person. It's easy to understand why people pay so much money for art when you actually see it in person, instead of in a text book or on TV.

There is infinitely more open space here in Salt Lake, but for some reason I want to go play frisbee in Central Park. 

I want to buy lunch from a street vendor. I want to experience the satisfaction of barely catch a train before it leaves. I want to stay out late at a show. I want to walk through the city and just watch the incredible variety of people going about their lives: each doing essentially the same thing, but doing it so radically different from anybody else. 

I want to hear about a cool place to visit from a friend, and then go check it out. I want eat at Rice to Riches and The Dumpling Man. I want to spend more time down in SoHo and visiting random shops and stores to see what they're like.

I want to do the things you can only do in New York.

Media needs and alternative energy.

I have the need for a media...fix. I constantly crave news/information. I check up on Cnet, Wired, Engadget, Gizmodo, Macrumors, Appleinsider, Thinksecret and Mobiletracker all before I leave the house in the morning. I'll read anything I can get my hands on when it comes to tech. I check my RSS feeds consistantly throughout the day, along with a customized Google homepage. I wish I could get RSS feeds on my cell phone without having to pay through the nose for it. If I knew sources that would give me more information I would visit them too.

Recently I've been getting into information on alternative energy sources. From Wired to Reader's Digest. I'm especially interested in news about ethanol (E85) and hydrogen as renewable energy sources. I think ethanol is a more likely solution because, from what I've read, it will be an easier technology to adopt. Hydrogen would be preferable, but it requires a huge amount of enery to separate hydrogen from, most likely, water. So unless some breakthrough happens which allows low-energy breakdown of water molecules, hydrogen will probably be a way off.

I had a thought though. If someone stumbles upon a way to produce hydrogen cheap and insanely effeciently, maybe that technology could be scaled down and incorporated into the vehicle itself. They've already started harnessing electricity created from cars and use it in hybrids. So, hypothetically, a car would create enough kinetic energy to break down the H2O while driving. The hydrogen is channeled to the engine, the oxygen is released out the tailpipe. All you have to do is fill up from your garden hose for free.

It's nice to think about, but there's a huge "THEN A MIRACLE OCCURS" factor that is still a ways off. 1. The technology has to be discovered and developed. 2. It has to be cheap. 3. It has to be adopted by the auto industry. 4. It has to be reliable.

Until then, I'll keep feasting on any information I can get ahold of. Know of any good sites? Let me know in comments.

I'm the one

Today, while visiting Grandma in Wyoming, we ate lunch at a fine establishment called The Bear River Restaurant. It is a rustic-themed place, with rough-hewn logs and saddles hanging on various rafters. Word on the street is that it used to be a biker bar back in the day, and that Grandma used to start the occasional bar fight by throwing beer bottles at drunk bikers and then turning to whoever was sitting next to her and yelling, "What did you do that for?!"

OK. I made all that up. But we did really go there for lunch.

As we waited for the hostess to walk us to our table, she walked up, turned to fiddle with something at the counter and said curtly, "Sit wherever you want." Smiling to ourselves, we found a table with six unmatching chairs. After we sat down, the same hostess walked over with a stack of menus piled high with silverware, put it down at the end of the table and walked away. As we distributed the menus and silverware among ourselves we discussed how she didn't seem like a happy woman.

Our actual waitress was much nicer and was actually seen smiling. Now, some background is needed here. I do not like fried potatoes. Of any kind. I don't like potato chips, french fries, hash browns...whatever. I don't like them. So when I saw that the grilled ham and cheese sandwhich I ordered came with potato wedges, I asked if I could have a side of pancakes instead. The dialogue went something like this:

Me: Can I get pancakes instead of potato wedges?
Waitress: Uh...sure.
Amy: He's special.
Waitress: (Under her breath) Every family's got one.

So there you have it. I'm the "special one" in the family. As in, I think our waitress probably believes that I'm only allowed to play with soft toys and have quiet time in the afternoon.

Delayed Video iPod

Thinksecret is reporting Apple has run into technological difficulties and has delayed the release of it's true video iPod until the fourth quarter, but in time for Christmas.

Another factor playing in is the lack of cooperation with the movie industry in releasing movies for private owndership vs. a subscription-based model.

I have mixed feelings about the ol' 6G ipod. First, I bought my 5G ipod, what, four months ago? Honestly, a dely doesn't bother me too much. I'll get more mileage out of my current iPod before I sell it and get the new one.

Better and Best Models

I was, of course, just reading an AppleInsider article on the forthcoming Macbooks which was discussing colors and configurations. They suggest that in order to simplify SKUs and inventory with various colors, they may offer only two hardware configurations: better and best models. (Which leads me to ask, better than what? The previous iBooks that haven't been updated for years?)

If this is the case, I'm guessing the "better model" will go for $1,000 and the "best" model for $1,500, giving consumers $500 between each model.

I have to admit that getting a core duo Apple laptop for a grand seems like a pretty sweet deal, as long as they don't go completely chincy on the other hardware specs. (C'mon, a 32 MB video card in the original Mac Minis?)

Wish List

Alrighty. Hypothetically, let's say I had about a grand to blow on toys for me. What should I spend it on? Here's my wish list. Vote for what you think I should purchase (hypothetically) in comments.

• Xbox 360 - $400
• Forthcoming Apple Macbook - est. $1,000
• iPod compatible stereo for my car, Petie - $250
• Various Xbox 360 games (Ghost Recon 3, Splinter Cell 4, Call of Duty 2) - $60 each
• New cell phone (Sony Ericcson K750i or W800i) - $275
• Digital video camera - $500
• Invest it

Now I'm leaning toward a combination of the Xbox 360, a couple games and the car stereo. However, I'm sure when the Macbook comes out I will want that. Hmm...

I'm a Lamborghini

You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Apparently, I'm a Lambo. Or, in other words, a raging bull. Funny, I always pictured myself to be more of a M6 kinda man. Regardless, I'll probably never get to drive either one of them...in this life.

Google toolbar 2.0

I installed Google Toolbar in my Firefox browser. It has a nice "blog this!" link so I can leap straight into Blogger and post these profound thoughts and pearls of wisdom for the Internet to see.

It remains to be seen if this little button in my toolbar will replace my beloved Blogger widget, because there is something oh so satisfying about using widgets. I really can't put my finger on what it is, except to say that I think I may have formed some kind of dependency on them.

Signs of the times

Worlds have collided. The universe has flipped to it's side and is now spinning counter-clockwise. Water flows up hill.

Windows XP will run on Apple's hardware.

And if that weren't enough to make you religious, Apple has provided the software and a simple step-by-step method of doing it.

I wouldn't waste time or money putting XP on my Mac (assuming I had an Intel Mac, which, if I sell my current Mac will surely come to pass). Vista? Perhaps six months to a year after it's released to ensure the bugs get worked out of it.

Personally, I'm not offended by this move by Apple. Yes, it's a bit like putting regular unleaded in a Ferrari, but overall I think it could make the Ferrari more accessable to the masses. And that could be a good thing...

My widget's Better

Thanks to the wonderful chap, Steve, over at Google, my main blogging widget is healed and better and working fine. So respect and thanks (ala Ali G) to Steve at the Blogger Development Group.

Daylight savings time

Despite the eerie commute this morning, I must say I do love daylight savings time. Here it is, after 5:00 already and I was thinking it was barely 3:00. It's great having the light summer evenings to enjoy. I can't wait for BBQ and hammock naps at my in-law's. Fire up the grill!

An eerie Monday

As I left for work this morning things just felt a little...different.

There was almost no traffic on the side roads or on the freeway. I got from my apartment to my desk in less than 20 minutes. When I pulled into the parking garage, it was literally about half empty, whereas normally it's nearly full.

As I walked into the office, employees on the creative side were also rather sparse. Did I get daylight savings time backwards or something?

Confirmation

According to my sister's husband's friend who works in the local movie industry, it was indeed B.J. Novak. Apparently he's in town filming a movie.

Vindication!

My widget's busted

For some reason, my official Blogger widget for OS X isn't accepting my password. I even went in and changed it and it still doesn't work. So now I'm posting via some sissy purple widget. *sigh* I suppose it'll have to do.

Anyone else out there having trouble with the Blogger widget?

Missing The Office

Last night I had a meeting that was, unfortunately, scheduled at 8:00. Alas, I was to miss a new episode of The Office. Fortunately, Apple is marvelous and I consoled myself in the point that I could download the episode this morning on iTunes and watch it on my iPod at the gym.

What, ho! I awake this morning and THE NEW EPISODE ISN'T AVAILABLE!

I mourned for a bit, and then the ol' brain started spinning. Why wasn't it available? What could cause such a fallacy?

Here are three theories:

1. Someone fell asleep at the wheel and it just didn't get done. The most likely scenario, but also the most boring.

2. B.J. Novak read my blog from yesterday, felt threatened, and retaliated.

3. Apple is planning on some kind of significant upgrade to their video content/distribution for their 30th Anniversary this weekend and are holding off on releasing anything new until it's launched.

Update: It was finally put up at about 10:00 this morning. (It was actually put on iTunes before I wrote this. But I needed to blog about something today.)

I swear I just saw B.J. Novak

I was concepting with an art director across the street in a hotel lobby (we have to do that now since there isn't a concepting room here anymore) when, I could swear, B.J. Novak (the intern, Ryan, in The Office) walked out of the elevators and past us.

I instinctively did the "Hey, I recognize you from somewhere" head nod, but didn't realize at first who I was, or thought I was, looking at. I told a doubtful Ryan to take a look. He at least confirmed the incredible likeness.

What sealed the deal for me though was that when "B.J." walked out of the building, I noticed he was wearing a new Puma hat (and, as you can see from the picture, The Office gang recently signed an endorsement deal with Puma).

Granted, I have no idea what he would be doing in Salt Lake and at that specific hotel, but I'm pretty darn sure it was him.

What would I have done if he'd walked back toward the elevators instead of outside? Eh. Probably asked if it was him, and if it was have said, "The show's great. Keep up the good work." Nothing too exciting, but I'm not really the stalker type.

Old Look

Sorry. The new look just wasn't settin' right with me.

We love them

Ryan and I feel the need to express our love for those we Scare-O-Nate. We love you. We do it because you're good-natured people and we're fond of you. We wish we could hang out on the weekend, although that would be awkward. You're the kind of people who we admire. The top percentile. We, in fact, love you.

Or your desk happens to face away from your office door.

Sincerely,

Team Scare-O-Nater

New Look?

What do you think of the new template I'm using? Is it working? Sound off in the comments.

Thanks.

Good people

I have had a realization again tonight, and it is that I have been blessed to be associated with great people throughout my entire life. Growing up, in collge, on my mission, work... all great people. It's humbling to think that I get to spend time and, in some cases, be related to such amazing people. I've known so many who are just inherently good. They're great examples to me, and then I married my wife and...wow...she's the epitome of what I want to become.

In short, I've been blessed to keep company with extraordinary people, and I sincerely hope I'm worthy of their friendship.

Microsoft Should Make Cars

A tidbit I picked up from a friend's blog:

MICROSOFT SHOULD MAKE CARS

At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments/General Motors issued a press release stating the following:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart; in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT.' Then you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was more reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water, temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car fault' warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same butt size.

9. The airbag system would say 'Are you sure?' before going off.

10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd press the 'Start' button to shut off the engine.

The iPhone

That's it! That's what Apple should do! Release the iPhone, but not through a specific carrier! Leave them unlocked (GSM, of course) and you can insert the SIM card from your existing carrier into it.

Brilliant!

Granted, the iPhone wouldn't be subsidized by a wireless contract, but if people are willing to spend $300 for an iPod, why not get an iPhone that does that, and more (with perhaps a smaller capacity), for roughly the same price?

Granted, I'm assuming it would be roughly the same price. If you can get a Treo for about $300 with a service activation, it would seem that an iPhone that isn't compatible/as compatible with the general PC market would be a big enough disadvantage to keep the cost lower.

Then again, Sony Ericsson released the W800i which would essentially do most of the same things as said iPhone, and SE was selling it without a contract for $500. Apple does have amazing memory hookups though, so that price could go down, or at the very least should include a heck of a lot more than the 2 GB card that came with the W800i.

Let's break it down, shall we? To make a decent cell phone doesn't cost all that much. As far as the reception-factor goes, you can get free phones that work just fine as phones, but aren't loaded with features. Apple has the MAJOR hookups with batteries, flash memory and screens. Heck, use a vertical 5G iPod screen. Now all you're lacking is a camera (I would expect at least a 1 megapixel) and an GUI (OS X/iTunes-inspired, no doubt). The battery connector would be the same as an iPod, so you could still sync to a computer and use your third party iPod accessories with it.

It's also important to remember that there is talk of Apple creating its own MVNO. The only problem with that is they'd probably choose Cingular. The question then arises: do I love Apple more than I hate Cingular? I honestly don't know.

Maybe they won't go with Cingular. I mean, the ROKR wasn't exactly a whopping success... would Cingular cut them any kind of deal if they wanted to create an MVNO? Hehehe... perhaps Stevie J. leverages his ties at Disney to give Cingular inexpensive content in exchange for a reduced MVNO lease.

Steve, if you're reading this, first of all know that you're my hero. Second, please, please, please make the iPhone affordable and for the love of all that is pearly and white, DON'T GO THROUGH CINGULAR!

UPDATE:
Hey Apple, want some extra battery life for that iPhone? Check out what NEC's put together: 50 hours of music playback on a cell phone. Click here.

A big practical joke

I was spacing out for a bit just now, and had a thought: what if you could make gigantic, fake Godzilla legs and attach them to some kind of hydraulic lift on the roof of a building. When you turn it on, it would make it look like Godzilla was walking past your building to the people working inside.

Wow. That'd be cool.

OK. Back to work.

Man flesh

I gave a talk in church today (it was stunnning... everyone was translated) which gave me an opportunity to view the congregation from the stand. This raises the question: why must all old men expose six inches of their pasty white shin skin when they cross their legs? Seriously. This old guy was sitting in the front row, and his brilliantly white leg was reflecting the chapel lights to such a degree that I found myself squinting. Can't they tell their pant leg is hiked up, exposing a harshly contrasted dress sock and sun-depraved leg? Don't they feel a draft or something?

My wife supposes they just don't care. Old people tend to not care about a lot of stuff they should probably care about. Like the fact that they can't drive.

The missing fish

How does one lose a fish? It's not like a dog that can dig under the fence and run away, nor a cat that is simply too stupid to find its way home. No, losing a fish is not so easy to do, but always results in the same inevitable fate: the fish dies.

Such is the speculated case with Jeremy's now-presumed-dead fish, Jackie Chan. Jeremy came back to work one day to find that Mr. Chan had vacated his little home. Fish have been known to leap from their watery confines, but here's the mystery of it all: the body was never found.

Jeremy searched high and low in his office, even using a flashlight to search in crevasses which no mortal fish could leap to. The nearest body of water is the bathroom which is located down a hallway, through the lobby, into the foier, through a door and into a stall. Impossible!

Then again, this fish was named Jackie Chan.

I call upon my faithful readers (all four of you) to keep an eye out for Jackie. If he can escape his bowl, and the office in which he was housed, there's no telling where he could be.

P.S. It should be noted that Brett has a theory that Jackie was such a ravenous fighting fish that he actually ate himself.

Windows Live Mail

As many know, or could easily deduce from this blog, I like to try out the latest and greatest. Windows Live (www.live.com) is their answer to Google's search engine, and Live Mail is their answer to Gmail. I'd love to preview Microsoft's response to everything Google so I'm definitely interested when this appears in my Hotmail inbox (click to zoom):


Way to go Microsoft! You've got me interested and excited about your new product! I am ready and willing to "join now".

What's this? I try to click the big, orange, desiged-very-similarly-to-Apple's-OS-buttons-but-with-poor-off-
centered-typography-button and...nothing.

What Microsoft? It doesn't work? You sent out a busted e-mail to your target audience? Or was it never supposed to work and is simply misleading? Either way, it's frustrating and disappointing... two adjectives I've come to associate with Microsoft.

UPDATE:
Brett was able to log into his Live Mail account and let me check it out. The verdict? Blah. Sure it uses AJAX now, but it basically looks like a stripped down version of Hotmail.

Super Dell Snapped

The headline says it all. Visit my friend Brett's Blog for the details and a link to KSL's nightly news report on the subject. It's definitely worth your time.

P.S. Say Super Dell, isn't that your logo with an OS X desktop background?

Nameless

We have a client, who shall remain nameless (literally). We were asked to name their lodging establishment in Park City. With only two days, we thought we came up with some decent names. Here was the client's response (the type-o's are his):

"In my opinion, all suggested names STINK. Try again. How do these names reflect everything that you queried us about at the last meeting? How about: "The warm, fuzzy, great servi\ce Park City ski and summer resort hotel".? or TWFGSPCSASRH?

- Client's Name

P. S. You experts can do better than the names that you have suggested."

There you have it folks. So the next time you head east on I-80 and drive through Park City, keep an eye out for The Warm, Fuzzy, Great Servi/ce Park City Ski and Summer Resort Hotel. They're very professional and I hear the service is excellent.

The Apple Announcements

As I have said before, I am quite the Apple fan. However, I was rather disappointed with the news today.

Yes! The Intel Mac Mini. No! A price bump and no DVR software. Sure, you can hook it up to your TV, but what's the point if it's just going to act like a DVD player?

If I can get a Dell WITH a monitor for less than $600, why would I buy a Mini? If Apple wants to stay (sort of) competitive with a low-end desktop, they need to bring that price point back down. If they're going to go all-out and make a media center out of it, give it the bells and whistles it should have to justify the price hike.

And what's this business with $100 iPod cases? Apple...are you getting greedy?

The Bachelor Party

Clayton and Alysia are over to watch the final episode of "The Bachelor"... so we're calling it the bachelor party. Amy bought roses and everything.

I find all of this particularly funny because we don't really ever watch the bachelor. I think we've seen it twice. But, hey, any excuse for a party.

Update: we were happy to see Sarah win.

Microsoft Origami

Rumors have recently surfaced of a Mircrosoft mini-tablet PC concept, codenamed "Origami" being revealed (coincidentally?) February 28th, the same day Apple is set to announce some "fun new products".

The Origami should be able to do some pretty interesting stuff. From what I can gather, it really only has one major thing working against it: Microsoft is producing it.

Nevertheless, it could be something (dare I say it?) really interesting and cool. Could Microsoft beat Apple to the punch on something?? Releasing a very portable, tablet PC? Regardless, the Origami is supposed to sell in the sub-$500 range, and I seriously doubt anything Apple produced would ever come close to that affordable. Which is serioulsy unfortunate considering more people are interested in Apple now than ever, but their computers tend to be twice as expensive as comparable PC machines.

Am I plugging Microsoft here? HECK no. I'm just interested to see what Tuesday brings.

OS X Leopard?

If I reckon correctly, Mr. Stevie J. said they were going to release the next version of the Mac OS (10.5, or "Leopard") before Windows Vista came out, which reportedly will be happening before Thanksgiving (yeah, right).

So could we expect an announcement about it at this event on the 28th? Maybe a preview April 1st for their 30 year anniversary? Or will it be later in the summer, closer to the relase of Vista?

It's probably too soon for another full-fledged relase, although Apple gave a preview of Tiger in June '04 when it wasn't released until April 2005, ten months earlier. That wouldn't rule out a preview of Leopard now, eight to ten months ahead of time.

$365 million

Yes. Someone in Nebraska won the lotto worth $365 million. They haven't come forth to claim the money yet. Can't blame 'em too much. I wouldn't do it right away if I won (which is statistically impossible since I don't play it). Nevertheless, it's always wise to be prepared so I have a plan in place as to what I would do if I won that kind of money.

Upon claiming the money, I would tell everyone the following: Yes, I will be giving vast amounts of money to charities and worthy causes. But if you ask me for it, it won't be you.

I would then proceed to my local BMW dealership and purchase two BMW M5s and two X5s, in cash. The M5's for my father in-law and me. The X5s for my wife and her mom.

Off to the Apple Store! High-end Powermacs and MacBook Pros for everyone! Don't forget those 30" cinema displays and extra software! Boo-ya!

I'd head over to the homes of my friends and family, drop off their new computers take them to their bank (driving exessively fast) and pay off whatever school and car debt they have. Then I'd put some money in their bank account (probably about $10,000 in spending money to start out with) and tell them to meet me for dinner at...uh... Olive Garden. Yeah. Olive Garden.

At "The Garden" I would take a page out of my father in-law's book and give the waitress $500 up front. Then say, "There are a few things I like when I eat at Olive Garden. I like warm breadsticks on the table at all times. I like my strawberry lemonaide pre-stirred and always full. And I would like more than two olives in my salad. Afterall, this is the Olive Garden."

I think I'd give every server in there a $1,000 tip.

That night everyone would stay in suites at the Grand America. I would then pay my bellhop to go to each of my guests rooms and tell them, "The hotel would be most honored if you would please steal the towels and bathrobes." I think that would be funny.

I'd hide $100 bills around my suite for the maids to find when they were cleaning.

After breakfast in bed we'd all fly to Hawaii first class (because I've always wanted to fly first class). No need to pack... we'll buy new clothes there.

Hawaii would be a lot of fun, and we'd all do the fun stuff I've never done before like jet ski, swim with dolphins, parasailing, surf lessons, SCUBA, etc.

After a week or so in Maui we'd come back, tan and happy. I think I'd go back to work and set up college funds for all the kids of the employees. Laptops for everyone so they could use them at work and at home.

Oh yeah. And I'd buy a bulldog.

After work I'd take another week or two off and go look for a house with my wife. I think we'd probably get one in the Avenues and pay for it in cash. Then while I'm at work she could work with an interior decorator and deck the place out however she wants.

Basic things I'd do for friends and family:

• Establish retirement funds
• Give cool, good cars that are expected to last
• Pay off houses
• Cover any and all schooling
• Provide a living stipend as long as they had full-time jobs

Some specific things I'd do for specific people...

Ryan: pay for his tuition, room, board and supplies for Art Center.

Rob: pay off tuition through his PhD, sponsor any research he wants to do and maybe buy him a nice pair of binoculars and some quality hip waders.

Neil: buy some of his stuff and pay off his medical bills. Get that back of his fixed for good.

Jeffy: pay for tuition, room, board and books. And a new boot knife.

Alysia/Clayton: a cabin up at Brighton.

Brad: startup money for his new business.

Heidi: transportation home from school as often as she wanted.

Parents: send dad on a golfing trip to Pebble Beach and give mom as much money as she wants to decorate/revamp the house while he's gone. I'd also buy dad a new 7-series and mom a Prius and a XKE.

Bowman: let him pick out skis of his choice and do a heli-drop onto whatever mountain peak he wants. Repeat as desired.

Mike G: I'd cover all expenses related to your adventure up to Portland.

Mike T: I would most definitely replace your car. And the iPod. And the cameras.



More to come!

A bulldog

So, for whatever reason I woke up this morning and thought, "I really want a bulldog."

I've been writing names down all day, although my wife says we can't get one until we have a kid. But that could be nine months away!! So I think we should get a bulldog. I checked the humane society website and they don't have any. To buy one from a breeder can cost over $2,000, and I definitely don't want one that bad.

Here's my list. Vote for your favorite in the comments, or add one of your own.

BOY BULLDOG NAMES

Ed
Frank
Trogdor
SoHo
Greenwhich
Clint
Howard
Bracket
Ogilvy
Salem
Yankee
Herb
Sonny
Mac
Windsor
Murray
Kronk
Willie
Spud
Lard
Tubby
Drew
Brutus
Ebeneezer
Stiny
Quish


GIRL BULLDOG NAMES

Sarah
Pearl
Whitney
Fifi
Beatrice
Trix
Hillary
Chelsea
Suzy
Helen
Apple
Lilly
Lexi
Beesley
Dot
Daisy
Dollop
Quish

Curling

I'm afraid I don't understand the "sport" of "curling".

Last night I made the off-handed comment that curling was the only Olympic sport with a athlete smoking lounge. My sister in-law sternly rebuked me, insisting all "curlers" were true athletes in fine physical condition.

I'm sorry, but I retain my position that "curling" (so-called) is a sissy sport. First of all, the people who participate in in are called "curlers" which is also what women put in their hair (sissy).

In addition, they use brooms which they rub back and forth in front of the "curling stone".

I'm not sure what makes that sissy, but it is.

Lastly, it's mainly played by Canadians which, as we all know, are a bunch of pansy northerners who run around in beaver pelts and eat their own special kind of bacon.

Personal Medals

I have just been watching Olympic figure skating. The commentator, when the couple performing screws up, says something such as, "Whether they are awarded with a medal here tonight, they get a personal medal," or "They certainly get a personal medal for taking that risk."

Personal medals? Excuse me? My guess is that the commentator has a few "personal medals" of his own. He probably has a display case for them too.

Heck, if it's that easy then I'm awarding myself a "personal medal" for figure skating too. A gold one.

Updated: Brett made me a personal medal, an virtual emblem if you will, representative of my accomplishments in various Olympic and semi-Olympic undertakings.

An Apple gift on Valentine's Day

Various sites are reporting that Apple has given all their pre-order MacBook Pro customers a free processor upgrade: 1.67 ghz to 1.8, 1.8 to a previously unannounced 2.0 ghz, and even the option to upgrade that to a 2.17 ghz. That's good news for Doug and everyone else who's been "patiently" waiting for their laptops to arrive.

Thank you Apple!

It also raises the question: was this the plan all along? Was the whole 1.67 ghz thing a backup in case they didn't get the 2.0 chip in time? If not, what's happened to all the 1.67 chips? Into the Mac Mini perhaps? That would certainly give the Mini enough juice to function as a media center (which I am desperately hoping for).

Or the up-and-coming iBook? Perhaps the low-end model will have the single-core processor, and the high-end the duo.

Also, is the iBook going to be called the "MacBook" as opposed to the "MacBook Pro"? I could see them doing something as simple as that. It would certainly help with marketing: promote one name, but two product lines.

The end of heat

BLESSINGS! The office manager came in today and we convinced him to turn off the radiant heat along the south wall of the building.

This is good for a number of reasons:

1. Now maybe I won't sweat when I type.
2. I should be able to turn off the AC over my head which sounds akin to Niagra Falls.

OK. Two reasons. But they're both very good reasons.

SLVR v. ROKR

Did Motorola address the main issues they had with the ROKR? No. Not really. It still has the filthy artificial 100 song limit, it only transfers songs via a snail-slow USB 1 connection, and the menus still jerk and lag betweens screens.

But the SLVR will do much better than the ROKR.

That's because the ROKR was pushed as the "iTunes phone" and had very little else going for it (see my earlier post) including the carrier, Cingular, which is so bad it sucks AND blows at the same time. And, well, when you screw up the iTunes aspect of the iTunes Phone, you have something people aren't going to be too happy with. But the SLVR has a lot more going for it, namely, its form-factor.

People flocked to the RAZR when it's standard set of features was the exact same as existing Motorola models. Why? Because of the amazingly stylish and fresh form-factor. The SLVR brings, I believe, and even cooler look to the table and, oh, by the way, it has iTunes.

Personally, I look at the SLVR as a sweet-looking phone with some cool features, one of which happens to be iTunes. I don't think the iTunes should be pushed on customers. The mobile version sucks, to be frank, and this is coming from a devout Apple fan. Focus on the plethora of other features, and mention iTunes in the second breath, not the first.

What's in a name?

I recently learned Rob and Ryan have (temporarily, I hope) discontinued the writing of their book, from which this blog was named.

So should I rename the blog? If so, what should it be named?

A funny quote

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." - Mark Twain

Entriprerurialisticalish

I have entrepreneurial blood flowing through my veins. I've always got something for sale, or know someone who does, and am usuall trying to sell something myself. I feel like I need to channel these thoughts, develop them and use them for good (not evil).

But how?

I'm thinking about looking into business classes at SLCC or maybe Independent Study at BYU. I'd like to have a side-business or something going on, even if it was pretty low-key... just to bring in a little extra spending money.

We know this guy who has his hands in a dozen little business projects at a time. He has hookups overseas, imports and sells at a markup. Wherever he sees an opportunity, he makes something happen. I'd love to get into something like that: I have something you want. I can get it cheap and sell it to you cheaper than you can get it elsewhere... hot dog, it's a win-win.

But how to get started? I don't have access to hookups, or the knowledge to run a small business: two big obstacles.

Anyone have any ideas of how I should proceed?

Superbowl Ads

Today was Adbowl XI at work. While Adbowl was fun, I wasn't all that impressed with the ads. Granted, if I'd had a commercial air on the Superbowl I'd be thrilled. Unless it was the Overstock.com ad, or the PS cleaning solution. Or the Gillette ad. Then I'd be ashamed.

One that did make me laugh out loud was the Budweiser "Hidden Fridge" spot. Of course, I have no idea why that would make me want to buy beer, but for entertainment value I liked it quite a bit.

I also liked the Sprint "Crime Deterrent" and the FedEx spot with the dinosaurs. But the stinkiest ads were by far the PS Cleaner, Gillette and Pizza Hut spots. The GoDaddy spot was lame too.

Injustice and depravity: reckless foes run amok in Utah

The double cheeseburger has been removed from the dollar menu at the McDonalds in the Gateway.

State of the Union

I was able to catch part of the State of the Union address last night. It's quite amazing how divided or country is when it comes to the issues facing us today. More than once the republicans were on their feet clapping, and the democrats sat there and, according my wife, rolled their eyes and what President Bush was saying.

One thing this has got me thinking about is what a great country we have. We have these polar opposite points of view, on moral and very emotional issues, but our government still functions. It's an amazing thing that our government is structured in such a way that it allows for different points of view, and allows them to be expressed without legal repercussion, no matter how dramatically opposed they may be to what the president's options are. While I generally disagree, sometimes strongly, with the opponents of the president, I am so thankful we live in a country where they can voice their opinions.

That being said, I don't understand how the democrats remained sitting when President Bush spoke about promoting abstinence and adoption to protect human life. What is wrong with that statement? Why wouldn't everyone be supportive of that? It completely baffles me.

Just so y'all know (by which I mean Brett, because I think he's the only one who reads this), I do have qualms with Bush. I'm all for slashing our dependency on foreign sources of oil, but everything he laid out was fairly long-term. What about Exxon's record profits? Exxon made the largest profit last quarter of ANY company in America, EVER. How about calling on some of his oil buddies to stop gauging us at the pumps so they can "recoupe expenses having to do with hurricane Katrina"?

A weekend in Wyoming

We drove up to Amy's grandma's in Wyoming. As we drove through northern Utah and (barely) into Wymoning, was amazed at the desolate landscape on which people decided to settle. It kind of makes me wonder why people live in the places they do. How did people get by back in the day before central heating, indoor plumbing and grocery stores? There is NOTHING out there. I think there was a creek or something in the town we were in, but that was about it. Oh yeah, and a Walmart, because you can't go anywhere without seeing one of those, no matter how small the town. In fact, this town is so small it has TWO Walmarts. Really. It does.

Wait. I was wrong. I was just told they sold the old Walmart when the built the Supercenter Walmart and turned it into a Western Wear store. I stand corrected.

Anyway, the weekend progressed nicely. It was very relaxing just being out of Salt Lake and doing...nothing. I read quite a bit, watched a movie and enjoyed hanging out with family and eating Grandma's cooking. (Pork roast. Oh yeah.) A good weekend overall.

A cool word

I just made up the word "Quish". I think it's pretty cool, and may name a pet that someday.

What kind of pet do you think best fits the name "Quish"? Goldfish? Hamster? Great Dane?

Outdoors

I realized today, as I looked at my pale reflection in the mirror, that I don't go outside nearly as much as I used to. On an average day I probably walk to and from my car four times and that's about it.

Horrible!

I took for granted walking around campus as a student. It really afforded me the chance to spend some time outside, grab some Vitamin D from whatever sunshine may be available and, in general feel a little more refreshed.

Should I add "spend time outside" to my already long list of things I need to do in a day?

Customer Service Reps

I have this theory. It is that there are really only about six customer service people, for all companies and organizations, throughout the entire world. Most calls are routed through the bitter woman from the South, who reads everything off the screen in front of her and is incapable of outside thought processes. She has been programmed: THE SCREEN CANNOT LIE.

Well, that's not true I try explain, because I just got a cell phone bill for $978.81 and my monthly plan is $69.99.

But the system (they never refer to it as "the screen", it's always "the system") says you owe nearly one thousand dollars.

...

I should mention that Shayna, the girl who just helped me with my old Sprint contract was excellent. A non-sreen reader.

Scare-o-nator™, where art thou?

The Scare-o-nator™ must have gone into some annual hybernative (that's a new word) state, because it has not been seen for quite some time.

I still think we need to incorporate a laser scope and possibly an Artificial Noise Source (ANS) in a new Scare-o-nator™ model. Perhaps the Scare-o-nator™ 2000, or the Scare-o-nator™ 2006. Or we could be like car companies and release the Scare-o-nator™ 2007. The new model would also feature Stealth Core Bindings (duct tape instead of packaging tape) which would improve sneaking capabilities.

OS X MMMC

OK. So I couldn't fall asleep last night (I think that had something to do with the two hour nap I took at 5:30) and as I was trying to fall asleep I started thinking about the ideal Mac Media Center, based around the Mac Mini. So here's what I'm thinkin'...

So the Mini gets a big hardware boost. I'm thinkin' a high-end Duo Core processor, 250 GB hard drive, at least 1.5 GB RAM and a nice video card, at least 128 MB. You'd have WiFi, Bluetooth 2.0, and a smaller version of Apple's Keyboard (essentially the same one, but without the numeric keypad on the right. Maybe even chop everything from "F12" over, although you'd have to work in the arrow keys somewhere. Software would of course be OS X, but you'd need some kind of DVR software (a TiVo killer) which is rumored to already be in the works.

The basic gist is that you run your cable line into the MMMC (Mac Mini Media Center...clever, huh?) and from there into your TV. The MMMC would serve as a DVD player, so you wouldn't need to worry about that.

Using airport, you can transfer things from your TV to your computer. For example, an instant message pops up while you and a friend are watching TV. Hit F5 (or whatever the keystroke would be) and something like Expose comes up, but in addition to showing all the windows open, it also divides the screen in half: one for TV and one for desktop. Slide the IM conversation over to the desktop and the conversation is transferred off the TV to your deskop where you continue chatting, uninterrupted, while the TV show continues.

Partner with Sirius or XM Radio and integrate it into iTunes. In the bar on the left, have an icon for their service. Select the station you want to listen to and listen to it through iTunes. Like the song you're listening to? Select it and you'll be taken to the Music Store where you can purchase it. E-mail, IM,and RSS alerts could be incorporated into watching TV, movies, etc.

Hmmm... yeah, I think that's about it. I'll ponder more though. Don't worry.

Steve Jobs is my hero

Yes, I'm a nerd. But I'm lovin' the new Intel-based Macs.

My Christmas Wish List

Santa's gone high-tech. Here's my Christmas list with corresponding hyperlinks to specific stores for easy shipping. I also accept cash, money orders and personal checks with two forms of I.D. Check back regularly for updates.

(Note: I certainly don't expect to get most of the things on this list. However, I feel I should cover my bases in case any wealthy philanthropists happen to stumble upon this site.)

• iPod Video 30 gig (www.apple.com/store)
• 15" Powerbook (www.apple.com/store)
• The Office, Season One on DVD (www.target.com)
• BMW M5 (http://www.bmwusa.com/vehicles/m/m5sedan/default)
• A Dilbert or Far Side desk calendar
• One of these (http://www.engadget.com/entry/1234000997068678/)
• Some iTunes downloads might be cool
• A digital camcorder
• Gasoline for a year
• A Mediterranean Cruise
• Some Sheepskin Slippers (http://stores.ebay.com/Arctic-Sheepskin)
• Call of Duty 2 for Xbox
• Star Wars Battlefront II for Xbox

Scare-o-nator™

We got Caryn.

The Scare-o-nator™

The Scare-o-nator™ made an early appearance today. We'd Scare-o-nated two people before 11:00 (and, as it turns out, Paul's peripheral vision isn't nearly as good as we thought it was). We have also discovered that a whisper, in some cases such as Rachel's, works better that the shout.

For those of you who may not know, The Scare-o-nator™ is a +7 foot long tube used for greeting people whose desks are placed quite a distance from their office door. The Scare-o-nator Mini™, cousin to the original Scare-o-nator™, is a short, sub-three foot tube used when forced to work in confined spaces.

Caryn, however, is the ultimate goal. Ryan's experiences in the past teach us that Caryn is the most dramatic when she's Scare-o-nated. However, since the reintroduction of The Scare-o-nator™, Scare-o-nation has yet to occur. Don't worry, I'll let you know when it happens, because it WILL happen. Also, I'll keep a log of who has been scared, what time it happened and what their reaction was for your viewing pleasure.

Blender Basics

We got a hand blender for a wedding gift. It was a nice one, with a digital timer built right in, a number of different beaters and a nice carrying case (perfect for holiday traveling).

As we were blending our chocolate chip cookie dough we started smelling weird things. It reminded us of a dentists office for some reason. After a few seconds our fancy-shmancy hand blender started smoking. Little whisps of smoke started streaming out of it. Of course, we turned it off and put it outside on top of our pumpkin. After a while I went out to fetch the smoking culprit and tried it and... it didn't work. It's busted.

Not much else to the story except that really sucks.

Earning vs. spending

I think I may have just had a small insight into myself when it comes to money management, and it is this: I like earning money more than I like spending it. I much prefer the feeling that comes from seeing a check with my name on it than going shopping. I may theorize on this later, but in reality I'll probably forget I even had the thought.

They've been workin' on the railroad

The building I work in is shared by the offices of a major railroad company. After working here for about a month, I have ALMOST become used to hearing the gentlemen who work there talking on there cell phones as I walk in the bathroom.

This is no subtle thing, no two-second, "Yeah I'll pick up milk on the way home," conversation with their spouse. They take and make business calls while stall-bound. Their very loud phone rings, gas is passed and deals are done all apon the porcelain throne.

Now, I'll admit I've had a conversation or two while dropping the kids off at the pool. But those calls were mainly to annoy friends and the calls always originated prior to the door being shut and the fan turned on. These guys are sitting there, doing their thing and must think, "Oh yeah. I need to call Jim over at the plant." Pulls out phone, dials.

"Hi, Earl? It's Jim." At this point a loud, gastrointestinal noise ricochets off the walls and causes the stall walls to vibrate. I hold my breath as I feel it rush past my face. Surely this warrants some kind of explanation or apology.

"Do you have those widgets Earl? We need them delivered ASAP." Jim must be about done, because I can hear toilet paper being yanked off the roll, in only what I can imagine must be huge handfuls. The sound of the roll spinning against the plastic holder is evident.

"OK. Well we're going to need to double the order and," Jim pauses here, grunts, and then starts pulling more TP off the roll, "get a half a case of sprokets too. Can you do that?"

Earl must be explaining some kind of trouble he's having getting the sprokets, because Jim doesn't say anything for a bit and continues to unroll toilet paper furiously.

"Could you call the other guy?" asks Jim, standing and pulling up his pants. "But what if the sprokets don't match the widgets? Then we'll be up a creek."

And then he flushes the industrial-strength, 586 psi, guaranteed never to get clogged toilet. The sound is deafening.

"Right, Earl. Thanks." And Jim hangs up the phone.

If Jim had only waited four more seconds to flush, poor Earl wouldn't have had to live with the memory that he'd listened to the whole process.

What you blog is who you are?

I just realized the majority of my few postings are about weird technology that doesn't exist. This lead me to think, "If someone were to read this, and not know me, how would they invision me?" Here's the picture I've painted of myself, based on my postings:

A small, pale man. Balding. A weak beard is starting to grow, but amounts to nothing more than a few wiry hairs low on his cheeks. Wears socks with sandals and believes florescent twisty bracelets are gonna come back in style any day now. He blogs from his mother's basement. Whenever he emerges to forage for food he has to squint as he scurries around the kitchen, trying to avoid being hit by direct sunlight.

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Not far from accurate either. I'm a man. I'm sure I'll go bald. I only have to shave once a week and I'm kinda pale. But I only lived in my in-law's basement for a couple months, so HA!

O, ROKR, you are so cruel

Now, I am quite the Apple fan. I love my Powermac, own an iPod or two and have been religious in upgrading my OS. So, when an iTunes phone is rumored to be coming out, naturally I wet myself with excitement.

Then I learned it was going to be a Motorola phone.

And it would only be carried by Cingular.

And then I felt stupid for wetting myself.

Motorola and Cingular are the last two companies I would have wanted touching my precious iTunes phone. Motorola has the worst UI on their phones that I've ever had the displeasure of using. It's completely confusing and difficult to navigate. Very un-Apple. Why could it not have been Samsung? Or, if the heavens aligned perfectly, Sony Ericsson?

Cingular. Ah, Cingular. You have done such an amazing job of marketing yourself. You sponsor everything under the sun and hit that 20-something crowd oh so well. In reality: your service blows. At least around here. And your customer service isn't much better based on what I've heard. Your plan prices are on the high-end and you need to be some kind of royalty to be able to afford your data features. I would have been thrilled for Apple to choose ANY other cell carrier to launch their debut into the wireless world. Nevertheless, my beloved Apple had come out with a new product and I must try it out.

I went into my friendly, neighborhood Cingular store and fiddled with the ROKR for a bit. The phone is much smaller than I thought it would be. The buttons big and feel sturdy. The UI sucked, as was expected. The iTunes bit seemed, well, like iTunes, except for a very noticable drag while sliding back and forth between menu items.

The 100 song cap seems absurd. Why would you lay down $250 hard-earned dollars (or, in the case of Ryan "sat on my lazy arse and did nothing" dollars) for a phone that can only play 100 songs? There are any number of phones out there that have memory card slots large enough to hold at LEAST 100 songs, and for much less.

The only reason I can see buying the ROKR is if you're somehow obsessed with the iTunes interface. Other than that, this is just another ugly Motorola on an expensive service plan. Save your money for the Sony Ericsson W800.