Five years ago

I was walking to my Book of Mormon class at BYU. I lived at University Villa and was crossing University Avenue as someone in passing asked, "Did you hear about the World Trade Center? A plane crashed into it." I honestly didn't think much of it. I figured it was a little prop plane. It wasn't until I got to class and heard the teacher's explanation of what happened that I started getting worried.

I raced home after class and turned on CNN. Rob came out and we watched that horrible footage over and over again. I felt shock, anger and heartache all rolled into one indescribable emotion. Shortly, President Bush stated that we would find the people responsible for this, and bring them to justice, and any country or government that harbors them. It was then that I went into my room, shut the door and began praying.

I prayed. I cried. I thought of what the future would be like. Wars. More death. More families torn apart. More tragedy. All because of the wickedness of one man and those who follow him.

Since then, additional plans of terror have been thwarted and some have been carried out. Despite increased security everywhere, I don't know that I feel that much safer. My only consolation is that I have been sealed to my family and that righteousness will eventually prevail.

An extra inch

Why stop at 23" when you can out-do yourself and sport a TWENTY-FOUR INCH display on an iMac? Almost a week before everyone expected it, my favorite company in the whole wide world released upgraded iMacs with Core 2 Duo processors, extra RAM AND a price drop in the 17" and 20" models.

If anyone would like to drool with me, I'll be hitting my local Apple Store this afternoon.

Update: Neither the Salt Lake nor Washington Square (in Oregon) Apple Stores have the new iMac in yet, and no word on when they'll arrive. The online Apple Store has ship dates in the 2-4 business days range.

Looking forward to 9/12

Apple is holding a special event scheduled for the 12th, it's enough to make me wet myself with giddy anticipation. It's pretty obvious by this invitation that iTunes is going to start carrying full-length movies. I'm not interested in that unless it comes coupled with a new media distribution system for the home. However, the idea of new iMacs (23 inches of LCD beauty), revamped iPods and this article, about the apparent up-and-coming announcement of the iPhone make me tingle.


In addition, The Office Season 2 DVD is released that day with four discs, something like eight hours of deleted scenes and 17 minutes of bloopers. (And the bloopers aren't going to be lame like some you find in Bonus Features. Word on the street is that they're going to be hilarious.) I can't wait.

Another two-faced environmental promotion

It looks like GM's whole "Live Green, Go Yellow" campaign centered around their flex fuel vehicles is a bit of a sham. The fuel itself is nearly impossible to come by, even in the corn-rich Midwest. So these supposed environmentally friendly machines are chugging along on the same amount of gas they always have been.

Why the big push by GM to promote these vehicles that, in most circumstances, aren't any different than a regular gas-guzzling SUV? According to TreeHugger, "It turns out that the Government gives GM a bonus in the average fuel economy standards, whether or not the pickup truck or SUV ever sees a drop of the stuff. Some purchasers don't even know they are driving flex-fuel vehicles."

What? Corporate America treating environmental reform as no more than a PR stunt? Sounds familiar. And the U.S. auto industry wonders why they're slowly going under. Here's a tip: do something good, for the right reason, and you'll come out ahead.

Some blog updates

I've made some changes to the ol' blog. Of course, there's a new template/layout. I'm not satisfied with it, but I got tired of the old one. I'm actually pretty disappointed with Blogger's templates. I was excited when I switched to the new beta version (is that an oxymoron?) and heard you could customize your template without worrying about the HTML. The reality of things: you can change the font size and add some new stuff to the right panel that runs down the side of the blog. Whoopee.

There's now a "Life's To-Do List" so the world can know my bizarre goals and dreams.

I'd also like to draw your attention to the recent addition of labels to posts. I retroactively applied labels to the past two months of posts, and will label posts from now on.

You know, for kids.

My feelings

At the request of my now famous (thanks to this blog) sister in-law, I will now write a post about my feelings.

Right now, I am feeling hungry. If I could eat anything in the world right now, it would be food. If you're looking for me to be more specific about my feelings for food, I would like to eat strawberry covered Belgian waffles with fresh whipped cream and a tall glass of cold milk.

I don't think Grandma has a Belgian waffle maker, so I will instead crave a roast, because I'm pretty sure she's got some kind of meat in the oven. There's also some leftover meatloaf floating around somewhere. I may be craving that too.

Earlier this afternoon my dad was telling me about eating dinner at the Marakesh in Portland and ice cream in Tillamook. That made me have feelings for those things as well.

I also have fairly strong feelings about my bed, and how I would like to sleep in it very soon. I also feel covetous about this laptop since it isn't mine.

My wife just came in and I told her I was writing a post about my feelings. I started making some room for her on the couch next to me, so she could read about my feelings, but she told me she was busy playing with the dog and the only reason she came inside was to get a toy for it. Now my feelings are hurt.

I'm also feeling a bit like an old man because I have on black dress socks with my shorts. That, and I realized that my birthday is coming up and I'll be one year closer to 30 in about a month.

I also feel kinda warm.

Wow. I never thought I'd be so open about sharing my feelings, but this has been quite a liberating experiece.

Dr. Seuss had it right

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

This is one of those quotes that looks good on paper, but I think there's also wisdom in knowing when to keep your mouth shut.

More meat

I didn't want everyone to be scarred after looking at the picture of the liver, so I thought I would grace you with this beautiful picture of a massive steak. I ate this for dinner. I swear it was like 14 pounds. And it was really good. Much better than liver. My sister in-law even liked it.

It's already September??

You gotta be kidding me. There was so much I was going to do this summer! And now September 1 has rolled around and it's the official start of Fall. While I love Fall, I feel like summer kind of slipped away while I was busy doing other stuff.

I don't think I ever went swimming, I never took a nap in a hammock and evening walks were suspiciously absent. We didn't go camping nearly enough and the only traveling we did was to Wyoming.

Sad.

I suppose I'll chalk it up as a lesson learned after my first summer as a full-time professional. It's amazing how tired I can be after working, but hindsight is 20/20 and I should have gotten up off my butt a few more times and done a few more things. *sigh* Shoulda/woulda/coulda...

My first day riding TRAX

Today was my first day taking TRAX to work (due to my desire to be more "green"). I just thought I'd let everyone know that I did indeed drag my lazy self out of bed an extra hour early this morning and made it to work on time. (I'm sure all four of you were on pins and needles wondering if I was going to do it.)

It's nice leaving the house at the same time my wife does, and I was pleasantly surprised about the lack of people on the train as I had a seat both ways. The trip was short, only about 20 minutes. If you don't include the walking time to and from the office, it doesn't take much longer to take TRAX than it does to drive.

I was also able to read on the train, and listen to a podcast. It was kind of relaxing.

Of course, I'm still not as cool as Matt because I don't ride a bike to work.

Liver

My brave sister in-law decided to try liver for the first time last night. I figured this would be the perfect opportunity for me to try it too, since I could take a bite of hers and not have to order an entire meal centered around the organ...er...meat.

So I tried. Yeah. Hmmm. Weird texture. Not that tasty. OK. I can understand why people don't eat this stuff very often.

If a picture's worth a thousand words, here's what my sister in-law thought about it:

When our waiter came by to ask how everything was going, we gave him the generic, "Fine." Then he asked her what she thought of the liver. She didn't really answer. "Would you order it again?" he prodded. She answered, "I would if I liked liver."

It was the perfect response. Maybe you had to be there, but it was really funny.

So true

Calculate your impact

Here's an interesting little tool. It asks for some basic information (where you live, what kind of car you drive, how much you spend a month on utilities, etc.) and will calculate your yearly carbon dioxide output.

I rated myself and came in only slightly below average at 12,900 lbs/year. (The average is 15,000.) Eh. That's OK, but I could do better. Let's average that out to 1,000 lbs/month. Now it's time to set some goals:

I just e-mailed Margaret at work and asked for a TRAX pass instead of a parking pass next month. Using public transportation for my commute can eliminate 393 miles of driving, reducing my C02 emissions by about 31% a month.

Rocky Mountain Power has a program called Blue Sky. Starting at $1.95 per month, you can purchase blocks of 100 kwh that originate from sustainable resources, such as wind. Last month we used 795 kwh of electricity. So for an extra $16 a month, I can offset all that by paying Rocky Mountain Power to purchase electricity from sustainable sources. (For a list of Blue Sky FAQ's, click here.) That will reduce my yearly CO2 emissions by another 19%.

It should be noted that paying $16/month is probably on the high end since my last electric bill was for July. During January of this year we only used 260 kwh, which would only be $6 extra. Regardless, what I'll save in gas by taking public transportation will more than cover any costs associated with "switching" to wind generated electricity.

Overall, I'll save money AND cut my carbon dioxide production by 42% to 7,600 lbs a year.

Another thing I want to do is switch to CFLs (compact florescent light bulbs). CFLs consume 66% less energy, are 90% cooler and last 10 times as long as standard bulbs. (Boo-ya: less energy, less waste and a cooler apartment.)

Check out the Carbon Calculator and make the changes you need to reduce your carbon footprint.

Pluto not a planet

Oh, the shame of it all. Pluto has been demoted from the ranks of our solar system. It's now a "dwarf planet". Sad.

Scientists define a planet as "A celestial body that is in orbit around the sun, has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a ... nearly round shape, and has cleared the neighborhood around its orbit." Apparently, Pluto's orbit overlaps Neptune's (the nerve!) which is the disqualifying factor in this galactic quandary. But I propose the question: how do you know that Neptune's orbit isn't overlapping Pluto's?

According to USA Today, "The decision at a conference of 2,500 astronomers from 75 countries...[split] astronomers into factions, triggering days of sometimes combative debate that led to Pluto's undoing."

Factions? Combative debate? I have a hard time imagining people from the International Astrological Union becoming combative. How combative were they? Were punches thrown? Were flame throwers brought out? Is there video footage of any of this? Where can I get it? I feel the article left out a lot of important stuff.

While I couldn't care less about how many planets are in our solar system (honestly, I've never noticed any of them) this is the kind of thing that really bothers me about science. Everybody is so sure that things are a certain way (guising it under the safety net of "theory") and then, in a single day, the solar system changes. Yesterday Pluto was the smallest planet in our solar system. It was fact. And now it's not.

Poor Pluto.

Smug

Duchess (my distant cousin) helped me realize something just now. You know how when you hear about other people's adversities and afflictions, you think, "Wow. I've got it pretty good" or "Holy cow. It sucks to be that person"? After reading her blog, I'm experiencing those thoughts.

It's kind of sad it takes other's suffering to make us grateful for what we have (or, in this case, don't have), but I think it's even sadder if we don't acknowledge it at all.

And so I say that I am thrilled that I never have to do another cleaning check ever again.

Coincidence? I think not.

An interesting chart that shows the top recipients of contributions from the oil and gas industry during the last election. Is it any wonder our environmental policy sucks, and Exxon raked in $36 billion in profit last year?

Thanks to CNN for the graphic.

Lethargic

I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed today because it's one of those days where I feel like saying "Screw it" to the whole world. I am like unto a blob of something gelatinous that, if you ask it to do something, could possibly explode covering you in slimy bits.

So today would be a good day not to ask me to do anything, or even really talk to me at all. In fact, there's a good chance if you look like you might ask me to do something I will spontaneously combust. Or slip into a coma. I'm not sure which.

There are also a number of people who, on sight, will make me cuss like a sailor and then punch them in the face. I'm sure I'd regret it later (at the arraignment hearing, for example) but at the moment I am craving the opportunity to do just that.

So let me hide out in my cave, and write in my silly little blog, and everybody will go home happy. And not covered in slimy bits.

P.S. I just realized I'm a day ahead on my Dilbert desktop calendar too. *sigh*

Wicked

Next month we get to go see Wicked again. This will be our fourth time and we're stoked.

The first two times we saw it were on Broadway. We hadn't heard the music, just rave reviews from everyone we talked to. We bought tickets before we went to New York, and then won their lottery for tickets in the second row. Wow. I finally understood why people make such a big deal about seeing shows on Broadway. It really is incredible.

For those of you who may not know, Wicked is the untold story of the witches of Oz. You see, Elphaba (the Wicked Witch of the West, pronounced "el-fuh-buh") and Glinda were roommates in college. After a rough start they become friends until they come to a crossroads where each must choose their path. Glinda, traditionally known as the "good witch", is obsessed with being popular and will do anything to get her way. Elphaba, who has been an outcast all her life due to her green skin, is selfless and always tries to do the right thing. Unfortunately, it often backfires or is misunderstood resulting in her title of the Wicked Witch. Finally, she gets fed up and essentially says "Screw it. I've tried so hard to be good and it's never worked, I'm not going to bother anymore."

The music is fantastic, especially the closing song of the first act, "Defying Gravity". You can hear it on the soundtrack, but until you know the whole story and see it in person, you just won't realize how cool a song it is. It gives me chills when I hear it. And when we heard "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished" performed in Denver we learned to love the second act.

Wicked starts long before Dorothy ever shows up, proceeds through the traditional story and concludes after she and the wizard leave Oz. It explains where the flying monkeys come from, the origins of the Tin Man, Scarecrow and Cowardly Lion, the real reason Dorothy ended up in Oz and why the Wicked Witch is obsessed with the ruby slippers.

You also find out why Elphaba is green, how she ended up with the pointy black hat we have all come to associate with witches (hint: it was originally a gift to Glinda from her grandmother) and why she flies around on a broom (hint #2: it was the only object available at the time). Ever wondered why the munchkins hated the Wicked Witch of the East so much? Or the real reason the Wizard hides behind the smoke and mirrors? It's all explained in a wonderfully creative way.

Fun and uplifting, the message is a good one and can be appreciated on a number of levels. Best of all it's entertaining and G-rated. A refreshing change considering most of the "entertainment" that's out there nowadays.

If you ever get a chance to see it, it's well worth the money. I'm sure if it ever comes to Salt Lake we'll be camping out to get tickets.

Barney beheaded

Oh, please. Like you never wanted to do it.

Good luck?

If a ladybug lands on your mouse, does that mean you will have good luck because it's your mouse, or does it mean the mouse will have good luck? I mean, the latter seems kind of dumb because a mouse is an inanimate object, so it really doesn't have any kind of luck at all. It has no need for luck. But if the luck doesn't transfer to the owner of the inanimate object, then the luck is wasted, which is just sad.

Hail storm

Talk about some crazy weather. Last Saturday there was a massive hail and thunder storm, the worst I've ever experienced by far. This first picture is a shot out of our bedroom window to give you a feel for the size of the hail.


Check out the white water action goin' on here on the covered parking. HUGE rain drops.



I was just pulling up as it started. I sped to my covered parking spot and then ran inside. I asked my wife if she wanted me to go move her car to a covered parking spot as well. She said yes, and handed me her bike helmet.

If you were lucky enough to be watching the storm that day from our apartment complex, you might have spotted me running through a flooded parking lot in flip-flops, wearing a purple bike helmet. Oh, what a sight to behold.

Fortunately, or unfortunately (depending on how you look at it), no one captured this heroic feat of bravery on film.

If you did happen to nab a shot, please e-mail me a copy.

HE DID IT!

My dad (the lovable guy seen seen to my right) got the big account he pitched for! He worked very hard to get it and it couldn't have happened to a better guy. So a big congratulations to my dad on getting the account! And a bigger congrats on the fact that he will soon be a Mac owner (because he promised that if he got it, he'd buy a Mac).

Congratulations

Congratulations to Ryan and Gary who found out over the weekend that their Mrs. Fields poster got into CA. (Click the picture for a bigger image.)

Did I have anything to do with this poster? Well, I told them I liked it and thought it was a great concept. (It's a good thing I didn't think it sucked, or I would be looking really stupid right now.)

Does this great accomplishment mean anything to me? Directly, no. But now I'm cool by association.

Breastfeeding touches us all

Today I looked at my blog and I says to myself, "Dave, you need a post with an entertaining picture." As I was at the library returning An Inconvenient Truth (which was inconveniently two days overdue) I saw the following display:

That should work.

The first thing I did was surpress a laugh into a barely audible snort. I'm pretty sure that banner could have been worded differently, and I still have no idea why there are a bunch of paper hands taped up behind them, but I'm trying not to think about it.

I snapped the picture incognito, but then approached the table and asked for some information under the guise that it was for my wife. (That's not entirely untrue. If I decide not to throw it away, I'll give it to my wife.)

They were pleasant enough (one had a mustache though) and loaded me up with pamphlets and handouts on the virtues of breastfeeding. We had a brief conversation that went something like this:

Me: How long will you be here? (This was to find out if I could come back later with a real camera and get a better shot incase the one I had taken turned out to be blurry.)

Woman: The whole month of August. August is breastfeeding awareness month you know."

I didn't know. Did they expect a guy in his middle twenties to know that?

Me: (With feigned shock) I had no idea!

As soon as I said it, I realized it was a mistake. These women took their duties very seriously. I mean, if you're hardcore enough to sit in the library and distribute literature about breasts and how they can be used for feeding, you probably don't appreciate sarcasm.

They didn't.

The one on the right squinted at me and cooly replied, "It is."

I took a few more pieces of literature ("Join Le Leche of Utah!"), stuck them in my newly checked out books and walked out of the library, holding in my laughter until I was clear of the building.

No source to rule them all

Clearly, we need alternative energy sources to cut our dependence on foreign oil, reduce pollution and save on energy costs. But I've been pondering lately about how there probably won't be some revolutionary new alternative energy source that takes the world by storm and is used everywhere.

Wave energy is being developed in Oregon that, by using about 10 square miles of sea water, will be able to supply power to the whole state. Wind power will be used in Oaklahoma (as the it comes rushing down the planes), and solar energy will be used throughout the southwest.

Instead of building cookie-cutter subdivisions everywhere that all look alike and are made of the same materials, I think we should take a cue from generations past. They didn't build all their houses the same way. People in New Mexico use adobe-style houses because they are made from readily made materials and keep their homes cool. Hybrid indoor/outdoor houses work in warm and tropical locations when the weather is fairly consistent year round and allow for more natural air circulation, thus reducing the need for using AC as much.

We can't make enough ethanol to supply our oil needs, plus it often uses material that could be used to feed the starving masses. Not very ethical. Gas-electric hybrid cars (such as the Prius) require expensive batteries that will, eventually, loose their ability to hold a charge and are still relatively expensive. The same problem exists with 100% electric cars. Solar panels aren't at the point yet where they can power a home in most cases, let alone a car.

So let's stop waiting for some cure-all to our environmental problems, and start acting on the technologies that are already available.

THE POTENTIAL CURE-ALL

The way I see it, the "magic solution" to our energy problems is the practical production of hydrogen. If these guys are legit, they may prove the title of this posting wrong.

If hydrogen (or, in this case, aquygen) can be produced at a rate of 1,500 liters in one hour for 70 cents of electricity, it would completely revolutionize the way we get our energy. It can (could, whatever) run cars, heat our homes, power turbines to create electricity, etc. etc. etc.

Anyway, those are my current thoughts on energy. Readers (all six of you), I'd be interested to hear your thoughts, particularly on the hydrogen link video.

"I invented the friggin' iPod, okay? Have you heard of it?"

One of my new favorite blogs is one written by "Steve Jobs". The link can be found in my "Sites" section to the right. It's well written and absolutely hilarious (at least if you know anything about Stevie J. and Apple).

Just a heads up in case you need some entertaining (and sometimes slightly colorful) reading. Enjoy.

Good news!

I can see my knuckles today.

Bee stinged

While I was camping this weekend in the beautiful Uintah Mountains I was dive-bombed and stung by a yellow jacket. I saw something fly down toward my arm, and by the time I looked down it had already stung me. Stupid bee.

Anyway, here's the resulting damage. The odd thing is that it's been getting progressively worse, not better, since the initial sting. Maybe I should go to a doctor...

iPhone - probably not

While I doubt this is the long-awaited "iPhone" (or, as this person calls it, "iChat Mobile"), it got me thinking about something.

One of the design challenges with an iPhone is making room for a keypad and the iPod scroll wheel because any iPhone worth its salt would, of course, have iPod capabilities which would entail the famous scroll wheel.

Or would it?

One of the big complaints I read about this photo/mock-up is that it would be a nightmare to navigate using the controls from the existing Front Row remote. Perhaps. But what if there was a new, better way to navigate than the scroll wheel?

Embed a version of Spotlight for your iTunes library. Just tap in the first two or three letters of what your'e looking for with the keypad (ala text messaging) and use the directional pad to select from the list Spotlight brings up. It could actually be comparable in speed to using the scroll wheel, if not faster. From that point, the iTunes interface would be the same as it is now in phones like the SLVR.

Of course there'd probably have to be a step before that to specify that you were searching for music in iTunes and not your phonebook or for a picture. Even then, I think about how many menus I have to click through to get to pictures on my phone (and I'm using a Sony Ericsson which has one of the best UI's out there) and I'm convinced it would be much faster to do a text-based search using something like Spotlight.

So there ya go. It's my prediction that the iPhone will not have a scroll wheel.

Other thoughts about the above picture:

• iChat Mobile? Interesting. Makes me think VoIP? If not, you'd have to have a streaming connection which 1. would cost a fortune and 2. drain your battery like crazy.
• Camera on the back? Makes sense for taking pictures, but not for video chats. Could it be that Apple has implemented it's in-screen camera, meaning that the "iChat Mobile" would have two cameras?
• No battery compartment. Not entirely surprising since none of the iPods have battery compartments either. BUT, that also means one of two things: 1. This is going to be a CDMA phone or 2. it was an oversight by whomever mocked this up. I wonder if Apple would go with Cingular based on their history together. If you're doing streaming content (video chats, incoming chat requests, etc.), Helio is already doing that with Sprint's CDMA network.

UPDATE: The above image was later shown to be a fake, as previously suspected. However, I think my case for a non-click wheel iPhone is valid.

WWDC 2006 predictions

We're five short days away from Apple's World Wide Developer's Conference where we will get the first real glimpse of OS X Leopard. As of right now, that's the only guarantee we can look forward to.

However, as we all know Mr. Stevie J. has a tendency to announce new products and/or product upgrades and such events. Here are my predictions (and in some cases hopes) of what will be announced.

• Of course we're going to get a preview of Leopard, but I'm guessing it's going to be released in time for Christmas, just to rub it in Vista's face.

• It's pretty much a given that the new Intel Core 2 Duo chips are going to be put in the current Power Macs, finishing off the PowerPC/Intel transition. I'm also predicting the mobile versions of the chips go into the Macbook Pros to further distinguish them from the Macbooks. (I'd love to see them end up in the high-end iMacs too.)

• If there are any iPod updates, it's going to be new nanos with increased capacity (2, 4, 8 gigs) and/or new metal casings similar to the iPod minis.

• .Mac. Hmmm. I'd like to think they'd make .Mac free, or significantly reduce the price considering all the competition out there. You can essentially do everything with free Google products (Google Pages, Blogger, etc.) that you can do with .Mac. The only benefit .Mac brings to the table is it's seamless integration with OS X apps. This is cool to be true, but you can get 2.5 times the amount of space in an attractive environment from Google for free. Suggestion: Make .Mac free for everyone who buys Leopard. Keep it free until the next OS (Calico?) comes out. If people don't upgrade, they start paying a nominal fee for .Mac. If you upgrade, you continue enjoying it for free. Or perhaps you could do the same thing when you upgrade iLife versions. Regardless, it needs to be less expensive.

So there you have it. I think Leopard is going to have a few surprises in it nobody saw coming and will make Vista look primitive (if it isn't already).

A major award

Remember my post about the Hope Garden? Well, it's been selected as a finalist for a Flashforward award.

For those of you who don't know what a Flashforward award is (I didn't know until this morning), Paul describes it as an Academy Award of Flash programming. To say it's an honor to be a finalist is a major understatement.

To put this in perspective, we're up against sites from the likes of Nike, Adidas, Saab and Comcast.

It's a big deal.

So please vote for our site! Click here. We're in the Navigation category and the site is called Hope Garden.

Then pass the link on to all your friends and relatives. If you do you'll have good luck for the rest of your life AND you'll marry someone really hot. Seriously.

Mighty Mouse Unleashed

Behold the wireless Mighty Mouse with all its Bluetooth goodness. $69 seems a bit steep to me but, hey, it's Apple.

Unfortunatley, there is no longer a wireless keyboard/mouse option for Apple's computers. So if you want to cut the cord and consequently your desktop clutter, yer gonna have to fork over an extra $128.

I think I'll pass.

The Office Webisodes

NBC has produced The Office Webisodes for those thirsting for more Office goodness between seasons two and three.

The premise is this: there's $3,000 missing and the accounting department needs to find it. They're going through a series of interigations with each of the "lesser" characters to find out who stole it. They've hinted that they think it's Michael, but I'm sure it's not. (For one thing, they can't fire him.)

Creed, on the other hand, is a self-declared thief with an apparent criminal history (when he had his security badge photo taken he turned sideways for a profile shot after the initial picture was taken, as if getting mugshots had become habit).

So there you have it. I think it's Creed.

You can check out the webisodes here.

The Saints

Why should we mourn, or think our lot is hard?
'Tis not so. All is right.
Why should we think, to earn a great reward
If we now shun the fight?

Gird up your loins
Fresh courage take
Our God will never us forsake;

And soon we'll have this tale to tell-
All is well! All is well!

Spatulas in Space

A $2,200 putty knife floated out of an astronaut's tool belt and into space while he was repairing the space shuttle Discovery.

Where do I begin...?

WHY THE #*%@ DOES A SPATULA COST $2,200?!? Is there something particularly "space worthy" about these spatulas? Perhaps it was a multi-function spatula that also performed basic cold fusion? If not, and we assume a spatula works the same in space as it does in my apartment, I'd like to point out to all the government big wigs who approve the funding for this stuff that $2,200 gets you 326 Ace Hardware "premium putty knives".

It's amazing how useless the space program is.

Get this: the astronaut had five more on him worth a grand total of $13,200 (or 1,631 telestial spatulas).

Currently, the spatula is orbiting the earth every 90 minutes and is being tracked by no less than 20 military radars (another great use of tax dollars).

To sum up:

1. We're launching men into space to do what? I'm not certain.
2. We're sending them in space shuttles that need fixing once they get into space.
3. The space shuttle can be fixed with a spatula.
4. A spatula that I couldn't buy with an entire paycheck is now hurling through space at 25 times the speed of sound, never to be used for cold fusion again.

I can't imagine how much I really, really dislike NASA, and any space program for that matter. Do they do cool things? Sure. I'd love to go into space, float around for a bit and take some awesome pictures of Earth. Is it worth the billions of dollars we're spending on it? No. Instead, how about we pay teachers a little more than $15/hr? Invest in alternative energy sources? Find a cure for cancer? Lower health care costs? It seems like there's a lot more good we could be doing with the money, resources and brain power that are currently going into losing spatulas in space.


P.S. Special thanks to Mister West from 101.9 The End who e-mailed me the link to the original article.

Fifteen percent

Did you know that according to this government website only 15% of the gas you put in your tank goes to moving you down the road and running things like your headlights and AC? 64% of the gas you put in your car is wasted thanks to "engine losses".

Engine losses? Are you kidding me? We can put a man on the moon and launch sattelites that can read the time off your watch but we can't figure out how to design an engine that's more than 15% efficient? I find that very hard to believe. (Any big oil/auto industry conspiracy theorists out there?)

Here's an earth-shattering idea: let's make a law that says cars have to be, oh, I don't know 30% effecient within 5 years and 50% effecient within 10. Imagine the impact be if all cars doubled their fuel effeciency! Don't worry about the discovery, production or distribution of a new fuel source (although we should still be working on that), just make more efficient use of what we already have.

Hey! Rich Guys Auto Industry Guys! Instead of designing self-parking cars and in-car DVD players for the kids, maybe you should work on designing a gas engine that doesn't suck gas, because no matter which car you look at, knowing that it's only using 15% of the fuel you put in it means the Prius should be getting 400 mpg, not 60.

A period of consequences

"The era of procrastination, of half-measures, of soothing and baffling expedients, of delays, is coming to its close. In its place we are entering a period of consequences." - Winston Churchill, 1936

What a profound quote. I found it in An Inconvenient Truth and I whole-heartedly agree with it. Corporations and citizens alike can no longer claim ignorance regarding their responsibility toward the Earth and its inhabitants.

Most environmental action thus far has been moderate at best. ("We don't want to be too stringent on the auto industry. They have a huge impact on the economy.") Guess what? Europe has much stricter environmental standards than we do (Kyoto Protocol anyone?) and their economy is thriving.

Another quote, this one from Al Gore, fits perfectly. After talking about how the U.S. could conceivably lose 60% of its soil moisture in the next 50 years due to global warming he says:

"How do we debate something as cataclysmic as this in the traditional framework of our political dialogue?"

In short: suck it up. We've been skirting around serious, lasting environmental regulations for too long. To date, environmental promises have been nothing more than PR releases, premeditatedly forgotten and swept under the rug. If we continue to try to create environmental reform the same way we have been, nothing will ever change. It hasn't yet.

As Churchill stated, the time is past. Let's set some tough standards...now. Rarely does anybody talk about short-term, immediate plans. Why? Because it requires change and that's hard to do (and, when it comes to corporations, it's expensive). But that's exactly what needs to happen.

Well, if you'd been doing a little bit all along instead of ignoring the problem, the change you're inevitably going to have to make wouldn't suck as much. It's time for everyone to bite the bullet and do the right thing.

Dual Uvulas

Check this action out. We were hanging out with some friends from our ward when, naturally, the subject of uvulas came up. If you look closely, you can tell that this person has TWO uvulas, medically referred to as bifid uvulas.

Gross, huh?

I know it doesn't make sense, but it seems like that should tickle.

Need more proof Vista is ripping off OS X?

Check out these two great videos on YouTube. The audio is from a presentation by Microsoft about upcoming features on Vista, but the visuals are the current version of OS X which has been out for over a year.

Video 1
Video 2

For some reason, this makes me even more excited for Leopard. It's the perfect opportunity for Apple & Co. to relase an even more advanced OS and take the wind right out of Microsoft's sails.

It's arrived!

My Dwight Schrute bobble head doll has arrived! My wife ordered it for me months ago and it's finally here. Truly, this is a red letter day.

The history of the DSBHD is this: Angela and Dwight have a secret, rather disgusting romance going on in The Office that nobody knows about except Pam. Well, Dwight has quite the collection of bobble head dolls on his desk, so Angela had one of him made and gave it to him as a Valentine's Day gift. The viewers spoke out, and NBC responded by mass producing this prop from the show.

There you have it. The Dwight Shrute Bobble Head Doll.

Pride and Prejudice swallowed

I did it. I bit the bullet and watched Pride and Prejudice, my first ever "Bonnet Movie" as a gift to my wife for our anniversary.

To be completely honest...I enjoyed it. It was a good movie, Kiera Knightly was fantastic, the music was beautiful and the cinematography gorgeous. I was amazed at how long many of the scenes went without cutting (the dance scene with Darcy and Elizabeth comes to mind).

On the downside, I don't quite get Mr. Darcy. Why do women swoon over him? Why do they write his last name after theirs? He seemed to have the personality of a gamy badger for most of the movie. Even when he is confessing his love he horribly insults Elizabeth. True, he did a nice thing or two there at the end, but overall he acted like an arrogant punk. Now, my beloved sister in-law would point out, and I quote, "Mr. Darcy is one of the most complex characters in all of literature." Perhaps. But I didn't read the book. I saw the movie. And based on what I saw, he was a jerk 90% of the time and then does a couple nice things at the end (because he's filthy rich) and gets the girl.

Mr. Darcy sounds a lot like a Goon.

Despite the mystery surrounding "Mr. Darcy" (if that's even his name), I would actually like to see the movie again.

There I've said it. I watched, and enjoyed, a Bonnet Movie.

"Platypus" AKA GDrive

Rumors have been circulating about Google releasing online storage "Platypus" (or Gdrive) capable of syncing with your computer, ala .Mac accounts. Except Gdrive will probably be free and give you more space. Sounds good to me! I wish I could use it with iWeb...

P.S. I would personally like them to call it Platypus instead of Gdrive because I'm all about marsupials.

Should sleep, must write

It's quickly approaching midnight. I still need to read my scriptures and get ready for bed. But something in me is screaming, "Write you fool! Write!" Unfortunately, this pesky voice isn't considerate enough to tell me what to write about. All I have going for me at this point is desire.

The only thing I found useful from my physical science class at BYU was learning of the concept of Occam's Razor which, briefly, is a law of succintness stating that if something can be said or communicated in a simpler way it should be done. I think the prinicple is marvelous and I have some OCD tendencies which necessitate me applying it by keeping things clean and generally clutter free.

For example, today I pulled everything off my desk, unplugged all cables attached to my computer and piled everything into the living room. I dusted, then began reassembling everything, trying to find ways to make the appearance of my little workspace cleaner and less busy. I even went so far as to remove my second monitor (it's always bugged me that it didn't match my main display). Honestly there wasn't a lot that changed, except now I have a lot of the cords and cables tucked away behind the desk that were previously bulging out behind the computer.

Doing this wasn't really an option. It had been bugging me for a few days and needed to be done. Other things to which I apply Occam's Razor/feed my OCD tendencies:

The desktop on my computer. I know people who keep dozens of files and folders on their desktops. Right now I have five icons on my desktop, and two of them are my iPod and a CD.

My car. My car, Petie, is very clean (inside at least). I have a pair of sunglasses and my gym pass in the little space under my stereo. There's a sunshade that I tuck behind the passenger's seat when I'm driving and that's about all. I don't have anything in the door panels and there's nothing on my dashboard, no trash under the seats. And that's the way I like it.

What does this mean? First of all, I could go insane when we have kids. Second, it's no wonder I want an iMac so much. Third, I probably come off as a neat-freak psycho who will have some kind of breakdown if he finds lint on the carpet. Believe me when I say, it's really not that bad.

OK. I've started yawning and the voice telling me to write is starting to sound more and more distant. It's time for bed.

Someone knows me all too well

Whoever invented this must have known me in college.

New Look + New Name

Since our work Personality Index reviews (see unpublished post. Ha, ha.) I've been thinking about what makes me tick. If I could have things the way I wanted them, if I could put a finger on my dreams and motivations and figure out how to explain "Me", how would I do it?

As I thought about that in, of course, the shower (props to my old blog title), I realized I am a walking dichotomy: I'm shy and outgoing, frugal with expensive taste, a social guy who likes his alone time, focused and wandering, etc. etc. etc. Somehow, I came up with the title when thinking about these things.

With that vague history, take it for what it is. Like it? Dislike it?

I'd give the guy money

A homeless man in Grand Junction, Colorado was standing on a corner holding up the following message written on a peice of cardboard:

"Ninjas killed my family. Need money for kung fu lessons".

Road Kill Cafe?

I know it's not going to look like the one on the left, but c'mon Mcdonalds. That's just sad.

Portland to mandate 5% biodiesel by '07

Apparently, there's legistlature in my hometown to require all diesel to be 5% biodiesel by 2007, and 10% by 2010.

Way to go Portland! However, I have a concern about slowly shifting our dependence from foreign oil to ethanol/corn-based fuel sources. On the surface I think it's a great idea: it's completely renewable, eases our dependency on foreign oil and makes a great supplement for existing fuel sources.

However, what would happen if we were using corn for (caution: link to tacky HTML government site with animated GIFs) 85% of our fuel needs, then had a couple years of drought across the midwest? Would our energy situation be worse off than it is now?

I'm all for biodiesel/ethanol, but I think it needs to come from a source that doesn't rely so heavily on unstable sources we can't control (the weather).

(Link to reference article)

Environmental Luxury

The more I try reach back to my tree hugger roots (see picture), the more I come to realize that being environmentally friendly can be quite expensive. I figure this is because most of the things we do that use a lot of energy revolve around two primary things: cars and our homes.

I live in an apartment. Even if I could afford it, I would not be able to put solar panels on the roof, double pane my windows (which desperately need it. When the wind blows the blinds move...and that's when they're closed), or purchase washing machine that uses silver ions instead of detergent (no chemicals) and cold water (less energy) to make the organic clothes I don't own 99% germ free.

As far as cars go, Japan has the right idea with hybrids as demonstrated in the Prius, the Insight and the Civic Hybrid. The U.S. auto manufacturers are a bit stupid as most of their hybrids are in large trucks and SUVs, resulting in minimal fuel/emissions savings. What's the point? And they wonder why they keep losing money...

Unfortunately (or, depending on how you look at it, fortunately) I am not in the market for a car right now. So no 60 mpg for me.

The problem with the recent resurgence in environmental awareness is that it's not mainstream. It's trendy at best, and being championed by either celebrities with money to spare or people perceived as environmental nut jobs who don't use deodorant and live in shipping containers or these things.

It goes back to the theory some have that one dominant green innovation isn't going to come along and dominate life as we know it. (Although I would argue that the guy with the supposed hydrogen maker would have a pretty good shot at doing just that.) Instead, it's going to be a combination of new technologies that, when combined, make a big impact. That, however, is part of the problem: there are a lot of obscure things out there, but not one thing people can latch onto, rally around, and take mainstream.

Bummer.

Of course, you don't have to build a house out of hay and beer cans or own a Prius to be environmentally friendly. As Andrea knows, I recycle a lot of my office paper. I have been driving more conservatively and I always turn off the lights when I leave a room. That's well and good, but at risk of sounding like a hemp-wearing smelly tree hugger, all that stuff is kind of "sissy" in my perspective. It all has the "duh" factor. Of course I do that. That stuff is a given. I want to do more.

You have to understand, I grew up in Oregon. My family of four threw out two paper grocery sacks of garbage a WEEK--everything else was recycled. In the evenings, we had one lamp on in the entire house. During the hot summer months, my mom would make us walk in through he garage to keep the house cool (no AC). The reult? It pains me to throw away a milk carton. I pause before sending a tin can into the trash. SUVs that serve only as status symbols tick me off.

Now you know where I'm coming from.

While I think living in almost complete darkness is a bit much, I think I should be doing more (along with everybody else out there). But what? How? At the moment, I don't think I can afford the luxury of being environmentally savvy.

The Hope Garden

Paul and I came up with this concept for a client of ours, BSD Medical. They're a medical company that specializes in hyperthermia (the heating of tumors).

Perhaps the best thing about hyperthermia is that it can be used with recurrent cancer patients. Most cancer patients can't be given two full radiation treatments, and partial treatments aren't effective. Enter hyperthermia. BSD can focus micro/radio waves specifically on the tumor, heating it to high fever temperature. This weakes the tumor making it vulnerable to small doses of radiation so patients with recurrent cancer can tolerate the additional treatment.

In some cases, it can double the effectiveness of radiation therapy.

Well, Paul and I are sitting around one day, discussing the idea of how this procedure gives hope to people who otherwise wouldn't have it, and the concept of a "hope garden" was born.

The Hope Garden is a place for cancer survivors, cancer patients and their loved ones to share uplifting messages with others who are struggling through similar trials. I truly believe there's a lot more to healing than medicine, surgery and hospitals. People really can influence others for good. Hopefully this site becomes a medium for them to do that.

My hat's off to BSD. They saw the same vision Paul and I had for it: a tool to uplift and plant hope in people. They didn't do what so many companies would have done and plaster it with ads or sales pitches about their product. It's simply a place people can go to inspire and be inspired.

Coming up with the idea was the easy part. Paul's been busting his butt for months, working nights and weekends to get this thing finished. It's designed beautifully and the Flash is a work of art. Thanks.

(If you didn't catch it in the post, there's a link to the garden here.)

The Roaming Pregnancy Test

After being used in a photo shoot for some spec work the agency did, the e.p.t. has been making its rounds through the office. Kendal left it in Jeremy's office. He retaliated by leaving it, unbeknownst to Kendal, between Kendal's monitor and the window that faces the hallway. After many inquiries, Kendal discovered the hidden test and moved it to Paul's window. Paul moved it to our snack box in the break room, wedged between some cookies and a bag of chips.


At present, it's in Caryn's office, hidden behind a frame, but facing out her window into a hallway. Perhaps the best part of this is that she saw me sitting across the hall at Tyler's desk pretending to leave it there. So when/if she finds it, she'll think Tyler put it in her office.

This is better than that stupid gnome, so stay tuned and I'll keep my faithful readers (all six of you) up-to-date on the happenings of the e.p.t.

OS 10.5 Leopard screenshots?

Take it with a grain of salt, but here's a link to some supposed shots of next year's release of OS X Leopard.

Note a new version of Internet Explorer being used natively in OS X. Also, a tabbed Finder window (brilliant) and a new Address Book/Calendar icon in the Dock. The second image is apparently a screenshot of a desktop Fast User Switching transition. It would be interesting to see this in motion.

IF these are even real.

P.S. Somehow, I doubt I'll ever switch back to IE, even if they do give OS X users the same version as Vista users. I've been pleased with Firefox and Safari (although I now use Firefox almost exclusively) and am sorta-kinda keeping an eye on how Camino turns out. Despite the rave reviews Camino's received, I haven't noticed anything different enough about it to make me want to switch, not to mention there are hardly any extensions and themes available for it.

What I do

When people ask me what I do for a living, it's kind of hard to explain. I usually just say, "I'm in advertising." That, however, is vague enough they usually follow up with, "What do you do exactly?"

*Sigh*

"I'm a copywriter".

"Oh."

At this point people assume I'm some kind of lawyer dealing with trademarks and little C's with circles around them. Depending on how much I care about the person I'm having this discussion with, I may or may not clarify:

"I write ads."

This is funny because sometimes people don't realize ads have words.

"Oh! TV commercials and stuff?"

Yes. Kind of. But not really. There isn't much TV done with clients in this small of a market, and I'm low enough on the totem pole that I've only written one TV spot.

"Kind of. I write some radio commercials, and stuff in newspapers and magazines. I also write web sites, brochures...anything a company produces that needs words, I write."

It's at about this point that people smile and nod and pretend they care and change the subject.

In my defense, I think I have one of the coolest jobs in the world. I mean, it's one of those jobs where, if I told people the projects I work on they'd think, "Someone get's paid to do that??" Yeah. Me.

Said projects include:
• Naming a hotel in Park City
• You know that letter from the gas company in your utility bill? Yeah. I wrote it.
• Putting catchy phrases on pencils that companies hand out
• Ever noticed funny things written on your cup or bag from a fast food place?
• Writing and entire Christmas catalog for a local dry goods company

Now, the next time you get a napkin with your meal, and there's something even remotely clever written on it, stop and observe a moment of silence in honor of the poor copywriter who labored for hours trying to come up with exactly the right wording for that napkin...before you blow your nose in it.

This guy's job sucks

The Office Season 2 DVD

I was reading Jenna Fischer's myspace (no, I do not have a life) and aside from learning a lot about her favorite sandals, she mentioned they recorded the DVD commentary for season two and it will be out in September.

Here's the link to the blog article (in case you too lack a life).

UPDATE: Additional research has revealed that the DVD will be released September 12th and is a 4-disc set. Amazon has it available for preorder for $35.

The Quote Board

We need an online Quote Board because, dang it, we say some funny stuff.

"Ooo! Bring me back a cookie! They're cheaper if you buy more." - Amy

"Jesus was a fisherman. What do you think it smelled like when he taught?" - Doug

Amy asks me, in front of her parents and brother while we're playing cards, "What's that game we like to play? Dominatrix?"

Me impersonating Doug's response to the recall notice on Brad's car:
"Something about a fire under the hood, blah, blah, blah, final notice, yadda, yadda, yadda."

Doug: "Do you know what a rhetorical question is?"
Me: "Did you want me to answer that?"  

"I know I may not look it, but I have a dreidel." Alysia's friend.

"Do you know how much money we could make if we were Italian and in the mob?" - Brad

"Why does it make our husbands uncomfortable when we flirt?" - RaeLynn

"Can we clone you and kill the others?" - Gary

"I can't relate. I'd never do anything that stupid." - Teri

"Careful Jake - you're still soft on top." - David

"If I were a dinosaur I'd eat that tree." - Heidi

"Next time I get a prostate exam I'm going to a taller doctor." - Doug

"Three in a row? Dang. Looks like someone else needs to start talking." - Amy

"I'd be really good at yoga if I didn't have any arms or legs." - Amy

"That was a brilliant use of profanity!" - Amy

"Thanks to you and your amazing sperm." - Amy

Heidi: I think my arms are getting fat.
Amy: You know, I think I'd be OK if I didn't have any girls.

"It's a good thing she's wearing pants." - Becky

"If I was really, really tall I'd find a really, really tall girl to breed with." - Brad

Amy - "Apparently I'm not as smart as I think I am.
Me - "That's OK. I couldn't figure out how to set up my Far Side calendar."

RaeLynn - "What if you go metro in the next couple of years?"
Scott - "I can't because I'm fat."

"If you want to be in my will, you'd better put me on your quote board you little punk." - My Father In-Law

"Dear, the ceiling fan is the best parent in the world." - David

"I don't get it. How can people not believe in global warming? It's so hot!" - Melinda

"Dear, we need a little person to make cookies." - Amy

"Can I just say that high heels can really be annoying?" - Ryan

"Seriously. I poke myself in the eye on a daily basis." - Melinda

"Nobody can make you laugh but yourself." - Heidi

"Hopefully that's why my check engine light has been on for so long." - Curtis

"No one likes a leper." - Amy

Oma (our friend's grandma), laughing: "I like monkeys."

Matt: Do you know where, "Wax on, wax off" comes from?
Whittney: Seinfeld?

"You're never too old to go to space camp dude." - Dave, "Stranger Than Fiction"

"I raise mini-cattle under my bed." - Amy, sort of

"Sometimes I think I interact with the TV more than I'm supposed to." - Amy

"Wait. There aren't 71 states." - Hunter

"Did that bird miss a connecting flight South or what?" - Amy

"You can be wise and happy or stupid and miserable. The choice is yours." - President Hinckley, Dec. 31, 2006

"I can't imagine what it would be like to have your government overthrown...is there anything good on TV tonight?" - Amy

"If you were a super model, I wouldn't love you less, just in a different way than I do now." - Jeremy O.

"I don't hang out with you anymore and look how cool I am!" - Rob

"David, you need to grow your monkeys." - Whittney

"I'm a genius too! Wait. I think I just spit a bran flake." - Amy

"Need I remind you it powered a time machine?" - Amy

"Dear, how come we never get to watch Desperate Housewives when the kids are around?" - Doug

"I'm so hot, I'll never have to pay for anything ever! Look at me spin! Look at me twirl! " - Ryan, referencing the Jazz cheerleaders

"Well, obviously my underwear is unravelling." - Doug

"I hate getting out of the car. It's like going to the bathroom." - Amy

Heidi: "Grandma, are you a racist?"
Grandma: "No. I'm a bigot."

"Tastes just like real french toast!" - David

"I'm writing 'eat me' on pork" - Amy

"Girls rule! We have homemaking skills AND physical endurance skills" - Heidi

"He may be shallow, but he dates hot chicks" - David about Brad

"Dang! No wonder people like having money." - Amy

"Dad, I don't think you've made the peacock noises since we left Colorado" - Amy

"Is she going to wear a hair net, or am I going to have to worry about that all night?" - Doug

"The conduit for all knowledge in the universe is located in our apartment. Specifically, the shower." - Rob

"Adam had it easy. Eve HAD to love him!" - Josh

"If the social life of the world would be best benefited by my hooking up with an ugly girl, then I'm sorry - it's not happening." - Ryan

"Woo-hoo! I have dents in my head!" - Neil

"Hello, is this whore removal?" - Dave

"My brain is numb. There's been cheese on it all night." - Ryan

"I used to be a body builder..." - Dave

"Hey! Don't make fun of the dumb kid." - Alysia

"I've been told my hair feels like rabbit fur." - Neil

"I hate not eating out. 'Cause, well, first of all it sucks..." - Ryan

Dave: "What's a lime-o?"
Rob: "That would be 'limo' Dave."

"Ya know, some people just look better from far away." - Definitely Ryan

"Women don't want a knight, they want the whole dang Round Table!" - Rob

Eden: "You know, in Russian, 'Rob' means 'slave'".
Ryan: "Well, in English 'Rob' means 'to steal'".

"Sometimes I almost feel guilty for BS-ing my homework. Then I think, 'Wait, no I don't.'" -Dave

"Is she the tall girl with the loud mouth?" - Ryan

"You're a very positive person, but I think you're an idiot." - Rob

"Nothing hurts more than seeing two beautiful girls going into a bridal store." - Dave

Dave: "I always buy biscuits, but never make them."
Rob: "Then don't get any."
Dave: "But I might this time."
Rob: "The triumph of hope over experience."

"You're not hopeless Dave, all you need is a good woman." - Rob

"If there were no girls, we'd never be tempted. It'd be like scout camp." - Josh

"Well, that's a bridge under troubled waters. Wait..." - Rob

"Hyrum's wife died, and HE got married like a week later." - Ryan

"I'm just the ultimate compliment." - Ryan

Dave: "With hair like this, it's amazing that I don't have a girlfriend."
Josh: "Maybe it's your personality."

Old people "style"

When people hit a certain age, style ceases to matter, if it ever did at all. Such is the case with my beloved father, who feels the need to tuck his sweatshirts into his corduroy pants.

Dad, I love you. But please, please cease tucking inappropriate shirts into your pants. For a list of shirts that are OK to tuck into pants, see the following:

1. Button-up shirts

Any other shirt should not be tucked in, but worn over the pants, not under.

A concern

I have a concern about my toes. And that is, I feel that my four "non-big toes" on each foot are soon going to grow togther to form one giant toe, leaving me with only two toes per foot.

As you can see from this blurry photo, there is a huge space between my big toe and the next four toes. In addition, the next four toes have become curved and contoured to one another. It's only a matter of time before they fuse together and become one.

Then I would look like a ninja turtle.

Of course, if I had biceps like Michelangelo here, I'd be fine with only having four toes.

I'd like to take an objective look at the idea of my toes growing togther in such a manner. Perhaps I could be experiencing the next stage of human evolution. Perhaps I am even cooler than the Ninja Turtles in that I am a real-life X-Man.

Granted, my only mutant power would be having four toes. But that's really quite remarkable when you realize that's four toes TOTAL, not per foot. I know, I know... it isn't as amazing as, say, being able to control the weather or disappear and reappear at will. And another thing I have going against me is that I'm not blue or green. I'm just kind of a pasty white. I have a couple things to say about that:

1. Wolverene has fair skin too and
2. When the second ice age comes about (after the whole global warming thing has run its course) I'm going to be the one who survives, not the Turtles because it's much easier to evade predators in the snow if you're not green. (Plus they're turtles, which are cold blooded, which means they'd die anyway.)

So there you have it! I am the next stage in human evoution! Leave me a comment if you'd like me to send you a signed 8x10 glossy of my toes. In the meantime, I'm heading to the gym to see if I can't beef up these biceps of mine.

Filming

Last week I got to take part in my first TV shoot for a campaign I wrote for Voter Outreach.

While it is fun to be out of the office for a bit, filming is, as a general statement, fairly boring. There's a lot of standing around. Then something happens. Then you stand some more.

That being said, I met a lot of cool people throughout the process, including the guys who invented the little keychain holder for your chapstick. Ben from Fueld Films was great to work with and, thus far, the spots look great.

It's weird to think that something I thought of (with help, of course) is being created professionally. It's a nervous, exciting, pit-of-your-stomach feeling. Regardless, I couldn't be happier to be working on it and I'm anxious to see how it turns out.

Doggie Bag

Perhaps the best invention in the world. Ever.

The Macbook

It arrived. Actually, it arrived on Tuesday and I just haven't had time to write about my lustful desires until now.

The Macbook (yes, I believe I was the first one to publicly predict it would be called that) :) is the newest focus of my ever-changing technological covetousness. It is most definitely drool-worthy with its dual-core goodness, glossy display and unique, yet very enjoyable keyboard. Essentially, it's the perfect computer for a writer such as myself. I am a bit disappointed that it 1. doesn't have a dedicated graphics card and 2. comes with two 256 MB sticks from which to share with the integrated graphics. C'mon Apple! At least have the decency to give us one 512 stick so we can only have to buy one stick to make it an even gig!

Note to anyone reading this: never by RAM from Apple. They charge double what you can get it for elsewhere.

Regardless, I want to save up to by this (black?) beauty. Assuming I got it configured the way I wanted out of the box, it would run me a cool $1,848 plus tax. After my handy-dandy discount it'll come out to the bargain-basement price of $1,570.

One can dream...

Conserving gas

With gas prices at an all-time high, I've decided to proactively try to conserve fuel by changing my driving habits. Not that I've ever been the tire-screetcching, red-lining kind of guy (although that's because I don't drive a BMW - yet), I figured I could tone it down a bit.

After a couple weeks of accelerating slower, shifting sooner and driving (closer to) the speed limit I found that I averaged about 30 mpg. Not too shabby. Whilest doing so, I also noticed another side effect: less stress.

Consciously driving slower has made me a much more patient and easy-going driver. I don't experience road rage (or my version of it) at all when I'm going easy on the gas. It makes for much more pleasant commute.

So there's one more reason to conserve gas.

"Then a miracle occurs" - it may have already

A while back I mentioned how hydrogen cars would probably be the best economically and environmentally, but that the technology was so far off, if it was ever developed, that in the meantime there was no real point in even daydreaming about it. UNTIL NOW!

Hehehe...check out this video from Fox News.

This man figured out a way to convert H20 into HH0 using electricity and has modded his '94 Escort with the technology. What kind of mileage does he get? 100 miles/4 oz. of water.

So maybe hydrogen powered cars aren't as far off as we thought.

Saturday

It's Saturday. And what a great day of the week Saturday is. Especially when I don't waste most of it sleeping in and getting a slow start in the morning.

I got up early to go help clean the church, which actually consisted of setting up chairs. No worries, and it got me out of bed. Since then I've helped clean the apartment and have been wading through e-mail. And it's not even 11:00 yet.

The windows are open and a nice spring breeze is blowing into the apartment. Frank Sinatra is playing quietly in the background, Amy is on the Love Sac writing in her journal. No pressing worries at the moment. It just feels...yeah... life is good.

Post-it notes

We pulled a prank on a guy in our office (Hugh). Here's a great time-lapse photography clip Paul put together.

Post-it note prank.

I love you all very, very much.

Macbook Release Not So Imminent

It appears Stevie J. pulled a fast one over on everybody. No Macbook announcement (or any announcement for that matter) last Tuesday. So the newest word on the street is, and makes logical sense, that Apple will be making new product accouncements at the grand opening of their new 5th Avenue store in New York. Mr. Jobs (doesn't that kind of sound like a Bond villian?) personally designed the huge glass cube that will sit over the entrance of the underground mecca. Rumor has it that it cost about $9M. Hey, if ya got it...

I've been shot

Paul shot me with his pellet gun in the back of the leg.

I'm not gonna lie. It hurt. It caused me to yell out in surprise, and I'm sure more than a few people around the office thought I was going to cuss, mainly because my initial scream consisted of, "Son of a!"

Naturally, this means I will be purchasing a pellet gun of my own (preferably fully automatic). 

Funny

Rob insisted that I write something funny today. While stress from work (curse you FDA! And while we're at it, curse a couple of other clients too), a death in the family, illness and general exhaustion have limited not only my free time to write posts, but humorous ones seem to have been completely beyond me.

So, to appease the masses (Rob, you have put on a little weight) I declare this:

Ryan looks funny.

Macbook Release Imminent

Check out this bad boy. Oh yeah...it's a Macbook, and it's coming soon. Rumor has it that Apple Retail stores have recieved shipments of window displays labeled, "Do not open until May 9th."

It's a good thing I've got some extra cash coming in right now. Boo-ya!

The iPod is the remote

Granted, the little IR Apple remote is small and fun and magnetic. But instead of docking your ipod in a speaker system and then using said remote, why not use Apple's existing wireless speaker system, give the iPod wireless connectivity to those speakers, and have the iPod itself be the remote? It's not as if carrying around an nano or 5G ipod is some laborious task. You would have all your info with you at all times, and not have to get up, walk to the dock, pick your playlist or album and then go sit back down again (which defeats the whole purpose of the remote in the first place).

So you buy speakers for numerous rooms in your home. As you walk through your home, carrying your iPod with you, it automatically syncs wit the nearest speakers, so the music follows you. When you leave a room (are out of range of the bluetooth connection) the music (obviously) stops.

So that's my prediction. The iPod will go wireless, and when it does the need for that sexy little remote and all those docking speaker setups will be obsolete. They'll have to figure out a way to get the bluetooth audio quality up to par, but the nice thing is that, I believe, the wireless airport speakers plug directly into the wall, eliminating the need to recharge them as you would a bluetooth headset and the iPod already has, what, a 10-12 hour battery life? Even if you cut that in half due to a constant bluetooth connection that still gives you at least five hours of strolling around the house that you can do before you have to recharge.

Mom's rules of the road

Years ago, my mom came up with her "Rules of the Road." Thanks to the Internet, we can make everyone accountable for these rules. To that end, I publish them here.

MOM'S RULES OF THE ROAD

1. It's my road.
2. Get off my road.
3. If you have a problem with my rules, see rule no. 1.

Alternative Fuel Articles

Here are a few cool articles about recent advances in developing alternative fuel sources.

Cheaper Veggie Diesel May Change the Way We Drive

Breakthrough in Biodielsel Production by Japanese Scientists

Teeny Reactor Pumps Out Biodiesel

This last article makes me wonder if there could be a way to "refine" your own fuel in the car itself. Just distribute veggie oil and alcohol and let the entire refining process happen in the car. Oil refineries would become obsolete (or nearly so) and it would seem that the cost would have to be minimal.

Enjoy.

Missing NY

I'm sitting here at my desk, proofing website copy, listening to Wicked, and absolutely aching to go back to New York.

The tall buildings, the diversity of the people... just being in the big city. I think I spent more time outside in New York than I ever have here in Salt Lake. There's always something to do, someplace to visit, interesting people to meet.

I was just talking with Mike about The Met, and how truly amazing it is to see Rambrandts and Van Goghs in person. It's easy to understand why people pay so much money for art when you actually see it in person, instead of in a text book or on TV.

There is infinitely more open space here in Salt Lake, but for some reason I want to go play frisbee in Central Park. 

I want to buy lunch from a street vendor. I want to experience the satisfaction of barely catch a train before it leaves. I want to stay out late at a show. I want to walk through the city and just watch the incredible variety of people going about their lives: each doing essentially the same thing, but doing it so radically different from anybody else. 

I want to hear about a cool place to visit from a friend, and then go check it out. I want eat at Rice to Riches and The Dumpling Man. I want to spend more time down in SoHo and visiting random shops and stores to see what they're like.

I want to do the things you can only do in New York.

Media needs and alternative energy.

I have the need for a media...fix. I constantly crave news/information. I check up on Cnet, Wired, Engadget, Gizmodo, Macrumors, Appleinsider, Thinksecret and Mobiletracker all before I leave the house in the morning. I'll read anything I can get my hands on when it comes to tech. I check my RSS feeds consistantly throughout the day, along with a customized Google homepage. I wish I could get RSS feeds on my cell phone without having to pay through the nose for it. If I knew sources that would give me more information I would visit them too.

Recently I've been getting into information on alternative energy sources. From Wired to Reader's Digest. I'm especially interested in news about ethanol (E85) and hydrogen as renewable energy sources. I think ethanol is a more likely solution because, from what I've read, it will be an easier technology to adopt. Hydrogen would be preferable, but it requires a huge amount of enery to separate hydrogen from, most likely, water. So unless some breakthrough happens which allows low-energy breakdown of water molecules, hydrogen will probably be a way off.

I had a thought though. If someone stumbles upon a way to produce hydrogen cheap and insanely effeciently, maybe that technology could be scaled down and incorporated into the vehicle itself. They've already started harnessing electricity created from cars and use it in hybrids. So, hypothetically, a car would create enough kinetic energy to break down the H2O while driving. The hydrogen is channeled to the engine, the oxygen is released out the tailpipe. All you have to do is fill up from your garden hose for free.

It's nice to think about, but there's a huge "THEN A MIRACLE OCCURS" factor that is still a ways off. 1. The technology has to be discovered and developed. 2. It has to be cheap. 3. It has to be adopted by the auto industry. 4. It has to be reliable.

Until then, I'll keep feasting on any information I can get ahold of. Know of any good sites? Let me know in comments.

I'm the one

Today, while visiting Grandma in Wyoming, we ate lunch at a fine establishment called The Bear River Restaurant. It is a rustic-themed place, with rough-hewn logs and saddles hanging on various rafters. Word on the street is that it used to be a biker bar back in the day, and that Grandma used to start the occasional bar fight by throwing beer bottles at drunk bikers and then turning to whoever was sitting next to her and yelling, "What did you do that for?!"

OK. I made all that up. But we did really go there for lunch.

As we waited for the hostess to walk us to our table, she walked up, turned to fiddle with something at the counter and said curtly, "Sit wherever you want." Smiling to ourselves, we found a table with six unmatching chairs. After we sat down, the same hostess walked over with a stack of menus piled high with silverware, put it down at the end of the table and walked away. As we distributed the menus and silverware among ourselves we discussed how she didn't seem like a happy woman.

Our actual waitress was much nicer and was actually seen smiling. Now, some background is needed here. I do not like fried potatoes. Of any kind. I don't like potato chips, french fries, hash browns...whatever. I don't like them. So when I saw that the grilled ham and cheese sandwhich I ordered came with potato wedges, I asked if I could have a side of pancakes instead. The dialogue went something like this:

Me: Can I get pancakes instead of potato wedges?
Waitress: Uh...sure.
Amy: He's special.
Waitress: (Under her breath) Every family's got one.

So there you have it. I'm the "special one" in the family. As in, I think our waitress probably believes that I'm only allowed to play with soft toys and have quiet time in the afternoon.

Delayed Video iPod

Thinksecret is reporting Apple has run into technological difficulties and has delayed the release of it's true video iPod until the fourth quarter, but in time for Christmas.

Another factor playing in is the lack of cooperation with the movie industry in releasing movies for private owndership vs. a subscription-based model.

I have mixed feelings about the ol' 6G ipod. First, I bought my 5G ipod, what, four months ago? Honestly, a dely doesn't bother me too much. I'll get more mileage out of my current iPod before I sell it and get the new one.

Better and Best Models

I was, of course, just reading an AppleInsider article on the forthcoming Macbooks which was discussing colors and configurations. They suggest that in order to simplify SKUs and inventory with various colors, they may offer only two hardware configurations: better and best models. (Which leads me to ask, better than what? The previous iBooks that haven't been updated for years?)

If this is the case, I'm guessing the "better model" will go for $1,000 and the "best" model for $1,500, giving consumers $500 between each model.

I have to admit that getting a core duo Apple laptop for a grand seems like a pretty sweet deal, as long as they don't go completely chincy on the other hardware specs. (C'mon, a 32 MB video card in the original Mac Minis?)

Wish List

Alrighty. Hypothetically, let's say I had about a grand to blow on toys for me. What should I spend it on? Here's my wish list. Vote for what you think I should purchase (hypothetically) in comments.

• Xbox 360 - $400
• Forthcoming Apple Macbook - est. $1,000
• iPod compatible stereo for my car, Petie - $250
• Various Xbox 360 games (Ghost Recon 3, Splinter Cell 4, Call of Duty 2) - $60 each
• New cell phone (Sony Ericcson K750i or W800i) - $275
• Digital video camera - $500
• Invest it

Now I'm leaning toward a combination of the Xbox 360, a couple games and the car stereo. However, I'm sure when the Macbook comes out I will want that. Hmm...

I'm a Lamborghini

You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Apparently, I'm a Lambo. Or, in other words, a raging bull. Funny, I always pictured myself to be more of a M6 kinda man. Regardless, I'll probably never get to drive either one of them...in this life.

Google toolbar 2.0

I installed Google Toolbar in my Firefox browser. It has a nice "blog this!" link so I can leap straight into Blogger and post these profound thoughts and pearls of wisdom for the Internet to see.

It remains to be seen if this little button in my toolbar will replace my beloved Blogger widget, because there is something oh so satisfying about using widgets. I really can't put my finger on what it is, except to say that I think I may have formed some kind of dependency on them.

Signs of the times

Worlds have collided. The universe has flipped to it's side and is now spinning counter-clockwise. Water flows up hill.

Windows XP will run on Apple's hardware.

And if that weren't enough to make you religious, Apple has provided the software and a simple step-by-step method of doing it.

I wouldn't waste time or money putting XP on my Mac (assuming I had an Intel Mac, which, if I sell my current Mac will surely come to pass). Vista? Perhaps six months to a year after it's released to ensure the bugs get worked out of it.

Personally, I'm not offended by this move by Apple. Yes, it's a bit like putting regular unleaded in a Ferrari, but overall I think it could make the Ferrari more accessable to the masses. And that could be a good thing...

My widget's Better

Thanks to the wonderful chap, Steve, over at Google, my main blogging widget is healed and better and working fine. So respect and thanks (ala Ali G) to Steve at the Blogger Development Group.

Daylight savings time

Despite the eerie commute this morning, I must say I do love daylight savings time. Here it is, after 5:00 already and I was thinking it was barely 3:00. It's great having the light summer evenings to enjoy. I can't wait for BBQ and hammock naps at my in-law's. Fire up the grill!

An eerie Monday

As I left for work this morning things just felt a little...different.

There was almost no traffic on the side roads or on the freeway. I got from my apartment to my desk in less than 20 minutes. When I pulled into the parking garage, it was literally about half empty, whereas normally it's nearly full.

As I walked into the office, employees on the creative side were also rather sparse. Did I get daylight savings time backwards or something?

Confirmation

According to my sister's husband's friend who works in the local movie industry, it was indeed B.J. Novak. Apparently he's in town filming a movie.

Vindication!