Saturday, July 22, 2006

Spatulas in Space

A $2,200 putty knife floated out of an astronaut's tool belt and into space while he was repairing the space shuttle Discovery.

Where do I begin...?

WHY THE #*%@ DOES A SPATULA COST $2,200?!? Is there something particularly "space worthy" about these spatulas? Perhaps it was a multi-function spatula that also performed basic cold fusion? If not, and we assume a spatula works the same in space as it does in my apartment, I'd like to point out to all the government big wigs who approve the funding for this stuff that $2,200 gets you 326 Ace Hardware "premium putty knives".

It's amazing how useless the space program is.

Get this: the astronaut had five more on him worth a grand total of $13,200 (or 1,631 telestial spatulas).

Currently, the spatula is orbiting the earth every 90 minutes and is being tracked by no less than 20 military radars (another great use of tax dollars).

To sum up:

1. We're launching men into space to do what? I'm not certain.
2. We're sending them in space shuttles that need fixing once they get into space.
3. The space shuttle can be fixed with a spatula.
4. A spatula that I couldn't buy with an entire paycheck is now hurling through space at 25 times the speed of sound, never to be used for cold fusion again.

I can't imagine how much I really, really dislike NASA, and any space program for that matter. Do they do cool things? Sure. I'd love to go into space, float around for a bit and take some awesome pictures of Earth. Is it worth the billions of dollars we're spending on it? No. Instead, how about we pay teachers a little more than $15/hr? Invest in alternative energy sources? Find a cure for cancer? Lower health care costs? It seems like there's a lot more good we could be doing with the money, resources and brain power that are currently going into losing spatulas in space.

P.S. Special thanks to Mister West from 101.9 The End who e-mailed me the link to the original article.