RIP Paul

Paul has left us. We should not mourn for him, but for those of us who are left behind. He's in a better place, or at least a place that pays him more money, and we should celebrate this progression. It is, after all, part of this fragile life we live. Instead of focusing on the void left behind, we should reflect back to the good times we had. Like that time you shot me in the leg with your pellet gun (I'm still going to get you back you rascal!) and when we covered Hugh's office in post-it notes. Those are times never to be forgotten.

And so our dear friend Paul, we wish you the best and beg that you won't forget us, the little people, as you continue on your journey. You left some very big shoes to fill and you will be really, really, really missed.

Leg lamp nightlight

I gotta get me one of these.

That much closer to 30

It was my birthday last week. I've decided it's good to have a birthday at the end of the week because festivities carry through the weekend. If your birthday falls on, say, a Tuesday it kind of sucks. But if you're fortunate enough to have it on a Thursday or Friday it's really like celebrating a birth weekend which is how it should be.

Also, why do I get the presents and recognition? Shouldn't my mom be getting all the praise? I didn't really do a whole lot aside from scream a lot and pee on a nurse which hardly warrants the baking of a cake and giving of gifts. Then again, I'm not complaining because I got some cool gifts. Said gifts include a couple movies, a gift card, some accessories for our camcorder and (perhaps my favorite gift) a Happy Hat. I would explain what a Happy Hat is, but I think you have to experience something like that first hand.

I've been reflecting on my age. People are surprised I'm as old as I am. I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or not. I'm not quite old enough to want to look young, but at the same time I don't want to look like I'm 40. Regardless, I'm now a year further away from twenty and subsequently a year closer to thirty. This is strange for me. I have to admit I have a bias against my thirties. I see it as ten years between being young and being old. It's a decade of limbo. An era of lost identity.

Despite my cynicism, I'm sure it won't be like that. We'll have kids by then which means soccer practices, recitals and school performances. Help with homework, carpooling and Cub Scouts. A time of cleaning up many messes and changing of many diapers. The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced it will be a happy, but very tiring ten years.

Water resistant

These ladies were walking in front of me on the way to the train after work tonight. Apparently, they were so worried about their hair looking good they forgot they looked stupid in the process of keeping it that way.

A cold Cold Stone experience

Last night we went to Cold Stone in lieu of baking a birthday cake. We showed up around 9:00 and there weren't any other customers in the store. One lonely employee stood in front of the cases cleaning the glass. We entered.

She kept cleaning the glass.

We walked up to the counter.

She kept cleaning the glass.

Finally she walked around the counter and with an annoyed look mumbled, "Hi. How can I help you?" I knew what I wanted so I placed my order. While she was mashing my ingredients together some of them fell off the pile of ice cream. She started scraping them into the little garbage trough on the end of the counter. "Uh...excuse me," I said. Those were my ingredients that I paid extra for and I wasn't going to watch this manic depressive high-schooler dump them in the trash. That seemed to be enough and she began folding everything together again.

My wife ordered from the second employee who eventually decided to come out from the back and help. Her concoction consisted of one huge chunk of brownie that was never mixed in and so little carmel she couldn't taste it. The brownie sat there on the side of the scoop like a giant hideous birthmark on what would have otherwise been a delightful looking sundae.

We paid, and as we turned away I asked my wife if she wanted to eat there. "No," she said. "They'll probably go in back and talk bad about us just loud enough for us to hear."

My dream, the iPhone

Mike and I got chatting yesterday about the features we want/expect in the eventual "iPhone". As we got to thinking about it, we realized OS X is the perfect operating system to sync with a phone. Your pictures automatically load into iPhoto, your address book and calendar stay synched, movies from your phone can be edited in iMovie and, of course, iTunes.

I'd like to see at least 8 gigs of flash memory, 3 mpx camera with geotagging and wifi connectivity so when I'm wandering around the office it will notify me when I get a new e-mail in my Mail account (without having to pay data costs through a carrier). Of course, bluetooth, iPod interface and perhaps Spotlight integration as well. All that's gotta come in at about $300 without a contract.

What other features do you want to see? List 'em in the comments.

Strategic November?

Microsoft is unleashing Zune on an awaiting public November 14th. While chunkier and uglier than the iPod, it has a bigger screen and WiFi to allow music/picture/video transfers between Zunes. Thus far, critical reviews are mixed. I've read some articles saying it's another botched attempt of yet another company to dethrone the iPod. I've also heard rumblings that the social aspect of the WiFi and the fact that the iPod has remained relatively stagnant for the past year (with the exception of the Shuffle, which isn't out yet) could signal the beginning of its demise.

Regardless, the media attention and buzz about the Zune is considerable and rumblings about Apple indicate they won't get their 6G iPod out until Macworld in January, missing the critical Christmas shopping season.

Or will they?

I may be dreaming (and, in fact, probably am), but I think Apple's smarter and more capable than that. I wouldn't be surprised if Apple holds a "special event" on, say, November 13th, the day before Zune is released.

The event would, of course, announce the 6G iPod which would take all the wind out of Microsoft's sails the day before they launch a product they're already going to lose money on thanks to Apple cutting the price of the iPod by fifty bucks. Not only would that be a smart move strategically, its the cocky, egotistical kind of thing Apple would do (which I absolutely love them for).

It would also be an opportunity for them to give another plug for their movie downloads as well as upgrade their laptops which, rumor has it, they'll do before Christmas. OK, Apple. Do it!

The new setup

This post is a little late in coming, but here it is. The new 20" Core 2 Duo iMac in its new home, complete with wireless keyboard and mouse. So choice. It found its place in the living room due to the lack of a cable jack in the second bedroom. Besides, that's where we're going to put the hot tub.

Oral hygiene is so much cooler now

Check out this marvel of modern science (but ignore the tacky counters in our bathroom). My new toothbrush rocks. Just look at that comfort gel grip...so squishy. Note the ergonomic shape of the handle (to prevent carpal tunnel). Observe the round things in the bristles. They work miracles. And what you don't see is that on the back of the head is a textured soft thing that makes your mouth happy when you brush.

I'm telling you, if everyone had a toothbrush like this people would only ever see dentists if they were masochists.

Unsettled

In addition to General Conference, my sister in-law visiting from college for the first time since she left and getting my new iMac, we also moved this weekend.

It wasn't a "big move" per se. Not even a medicore-sized move. We went from a one-bedroom apartment to a two-bedroom apartment in the same complex. It was so close we were able to carry everything without loading up a car, which was kind of nice.

Unfortunatley, the crazy weekend slowed us down a bit and despite the short distance we had to move things, our posessions remain spread between the two apartments. All the important things are moved, but we haven't really had time to adjust to the new space.

Ideally, I like to move, get it all done, and then have some time to get used to things. It makes me a bit antsy to not be settled. (Although the more I think about it, the more it seems that the word "settled" should imply something negative. Almost like you're too complacent, and have become a fat blob. Settled like a bottle of salad dressing that's separated into it's individual ingredients. Ew.)

But I digress.

The new apartment has an extra bedroom, but not much additional square footage meaning everything actually feels smaller than the one bedroom apartment. We lost a lot of storage space and, as my wife noticed almost immediately, there is less space in the kitchen. Perhaps moving to a two-bedroom wasn't as much of an upgrade as we thought it would be.

Regardless, I look forward to going home tonight and getting settled.

Go get 'em Granny

The news is a bit old, but still noteworthy for anyone who didn't hear about it. As the Deseret News reported, Betty Horton, 75, chased down a purse snatcher. "Good thing I had my running shoes on," she said.

She caught up with the perp (I've always wanted to use the word "perp") and ripped him a new one. "It just made me doggone mad," she said. "'That's not right.' That's what I told the guy." Eventually he apologized and gave her stuff back.

Then she gave him all the money in her purse.

"I said, 'Here, take it and go.' He said he couldn't do that," Horton said. "I put the $3 in his hand and said, 'Now get the heck out of here.' I felt bad for him. But I felt better for helping him out. Maybe he'll think twice before doing something like that again."

We all will Betty, we all will.

Headline: Sandwich artist foils robbery

This is Dave. He was my sandwich artist Friday night when I picked up a meatball sub. What you may not realize simply by looking at his friendly demeanor (ignore the huge knife he's holding up for the time being) is that he foiled an armed robbery at his place of employment.

While I was waiting in line to order, the guy in front of me asked, "Hey, aren't you the guy I saw on the news who chased the robber out of here with a knife?" Of course, this got everyone's attention. He smiled a bit, and quietly said, "Yeah." Then he went on making the guy's turkey sandwich.

What??! You can't just, in essence, say, "Oh yeah, I chased an armed robber out of here with a knife. Did you want pickles with that?" and not offer an explanation!

"Hang on a sec," I said. "What's the story?" Dave's co-worker was all too happy to relate the experience as Dave appears to be a fairly modest guy.

"A robber came in here with a 2-3 inch knife and told him to give him the money in the register. Dave said, 'I see your knife is two to three inches long. Wouldn't you rather have a FOOT LONG!?'" He then whipped out 12" serrated veritable broadsword you see him holding in the picture above. Like a samurai!

OK. I embellished the story a bit. (You know, creative license.) But he really did grab that knife and chase the guy out of the establishment and, knowing Dave as I now do, suppose he returned from the persuit and went back to putting pickles on a sandwich. Ho-hum.

My sub tasted a little better than usual that night. Maybe it was because Dave was extra generous with his application of the Parmesan cheese. Maybe it's because the bread was baked fresh that day. Or perhaps it's because a real samurai made it.

I'd like to think it's the latter.

Client lunch

Yesterday I was coerced into going to lunch with a client. There were a number of reasons I didn't want to go, but none of them ended up being the reason I'm writing this now.

I learned about our client, his anatomy and why he only has two kids. Allow me to elaborate with some of the highlights.

Honestly, I was only half-tuned into the conversation at hand. I was rather enjoying my lobster fettuccini when I overheard the client say, "I've got slow swimmers." This caused me to stifle a snort which almost sent a noodle out my nose. We looked at him in a certain state of shock. Had he just said what we thought he said? While eating?

He had. But it didn't stop there.

"Well, you see, I had the little snip-snip," he said, while making a scissor motion with his fingers. "Later I got everything reconnected and we had our second child." (Suppressed gag reflex.)

A minute or two later...

"My wife's patriarchal blessing says she will have many children while on the earth. But I have slow swimmers, so obviously that's a lie."

Pardon? Maybe his choice to, er, "hang loose" affected that particular promise.

With this next statement, keep in mind that the client has a U.S. work visa.

"We've never used protection in six years of marriage and only have two kids. So I don't think we'll have more. Unless we have one so I can get citizenship faster."

I can think of a couple things wrong with that statement.

That's about all the good stuff. So, let's review: I now know the history of his plumbing, he's never used birth control and he's firing blanks! All while I'm trying to eat! Lucky me!

Trust

I took this picture a few days back on the road up to Little Cottonwood Canyon. It got me thinking. I'm not sure how I feel about the war in Iraq. There are too many unanswered (or at least debatable) questions rolling around in my head.

Thus far, we haven't found any weapons of mass destruction, which, as I understand it, was the primary reason for going in. The secondary reason was to relieve the Iraqis from the opression of a horrible dictator. The third (unspoken) reason was for oil.

The President says we need to liberate the people of Iraq, get rid of Saddam's WMD's, and root out the terrorists from the country.

On the other hand, the media blasts Bush for his foreign policy, and an expensive war (in terms of dollars and lives) we probably wouldn't be in if oil weren't in the equation.

How do you know how to trust? With the help of the media, things have become very polarized (of course, sensationalism gets the ratings, so news is governed by the almighty dollar): Bush is either doing the equivalent of liberating Europe from the Nazi regime, or he's a warmonger who wants to ensure a steady stream of oil keeps finding its way to his oil buddies in Texas.

Who do you trust?

I see-saw in the issue of us "policing the world". Perhaps we should let countries work out their own problems in their natural course. Or, maybe we have a moral obligation to try to pass along the freedoms we enjoy to others less fortunate. After all, people join the military of their own free will, many to do just that: ensure basic human freedoms. Then again, if we're worried about other's freedoms and protecting our own, why aren't we invading North Korea?

Regardless, I still support Bush over Kerry and Clinton for many reasons, the greatest of which is his stand on the family. Maybe that's the problem: there's too much emphasis being put on the dramatic things of the world, to the detriment of the strengthening of the family.

Oregon weekend

This last weekend was spent in beautiful Oregon. We were there for three, jam-packed days. Happenings included a trip to the beach, a new iMac for mom and dad, Wicked and dinner at the Marakesh.

My mom also made a really good salmon dinner one night. It had some kind of orange/honey glaze on it along with rosemary baked red potatoes and Tillamook ice cream for dessert.

It's always good to be home.

100 mpg & Utah gas prices

This article from Popular Mechanics talks about a man who gets about 100 mpg on road trips. He put some solar panels on the roof of his Prius to keep the batteries charged and...ta-da. The article asks, "If this guy can to it in his back yard, why can't automakers?"

Perhaps it's the conspiracy theorist in me, but I think the question isn't why CAN'T automakers do it, but why WON'T automakers do it.

Which brings me to another irksome question. Right now, the gas prices in Utah are well above average. All throughout the press you read about how gas prices are falling. Twelve cents here, five cents there. The prices in Utah? Down maybe two or three cents. The explanation? Three of the five oil refineries in Utah (that refine the oil we use in Utah) are shut down for repairs, so output is still low while demand remains the same.

My question is, if we're getting our oil refined here in Utah, why did our prices skyrocket after Katrina hit?

I think the whole thing is an unregulated mess, and I lean toward the opinion that if Bush weren't in office with all his oil company backing, maybe things would be different.

He's doing it.

I am writing this post in the Apple Store at Washington Square. My dad is actually purchasing a 17" iMac. When I walked downstairs this morning I told him this was going to be the fourth greatest day of his life. After, of course, marriage and the birth of two children. (You know, trying to manage expectations.)

It's a bit surreal. I've been trying to get him to buy a Mac for about three years now. It's a bit step for him, so if you see him on the street sometime, congratulate him on moving beyond his comfort zone. Shake his hand, or better yet, give him a hug. Tell him you're proud of him. I am.

P.S. He's also getting high-speed internet today. It's a strange, but wonderful day indeed.

Ah...the sweet smell of meat in the morning!

Really, who doesn't like to wake up to the smell of meat in the morning? I know I do! That was the wonderful aroma I woke up to today.

Actually, it was kind of gross. We put a roast in the crock pot last night before we went to bed and this morning it was very, um, fragrant.

I've also noticed that this is something like the third "meat" entry I've had in the last month. Scary. I'll try to stop. I promise.

Update: It turns out that our entire apartment is permeated with the smell of meat. Our clothes, bedding, walls and (my personal favorite) our bath towels. Let me tell youu, there's nothing better than getting out of a nice warm shower and drying yourself off with something that smells like meat.

Busy music store

Just thought I'd give an early heads-up to that the iTunes Music Store is "busy".

T-minus five hours and counting.


Update: Now it looks like Apple's gone all official on us. The online Apple Store is still up, however. You know, just in case someone's been living under a rock and wants to order something mere hours before a major product announcement.

Update: Also notice that the word "music" has been removed, and is now "iTunes Store".

Five years ago

I was walking to my Book of Mormon class at BYU. I lived at University Villa and was crossing University Avenue as someone in passing asked, "Did you hear about the World Trade Center? A plane crashed into it." I honestly didn't think much of it. I figured it was a little prop plane. It wasn't until I got to class and heard the teacher's explanation of what happened that I started getting worried.

I raced home after class and turned on CNN. Rob came out and we watched that horrible footage over and over again. I felt shock, anger and heartache all rolled into one indescribable emotion. Shortly, President Bush stated that we would find the people responsible for this, and bring them to justice, and any country or government that harbors them. It was then that I went into my room, shut the door and began praying.

I prayed. I cried. I thought of what the future would be like. Wars. More death. More families torn apart. More tragedy. All because of the wickedness of one man and those who follow him.

Since then, additional plans of terror have been thwarted and some have been carried out. Despite increased security everywhere, I don't know that I feel that much safer. My only consolation is that I have been sealed to my family and that righteousness will eventually prevail.

An extra inch

Why stop at 23" when you can out-do yourself and sport a TWENTY-FOUR INCH display on an iMac? Almost a week before everyone expected it, my favorite company in the whole wide world released upgraded iMacs with Core 2 Duo processors, extra RAM AND a price drop in the 17" and 20" models.

If anyone would like to drool with me, I'll be hitting my local Apple Store this afternoon.

Update: Neither the Salt Lake nor Washington Square (in Oregon) Apple Stores have the new iMac in yet, and no word on when they'll arrive. The online Apple Store has ship dates in the 2-4 business days range.

Looking forward to 9/12

Apple is holding a special event scheduled for the 12th, it's enough to make me wet myself with giddy anticipation. It's pretty obvious by this invitation that iTunes is going to start carrying full-length movies. I'm not interested in that unless it comes coupled with a new media distribution system for the home. However, the idea of new iMacs (23 inches of LCD beauty), revamped iPods and this article, about the apparent up-and-coming announcement of the iPhone make me tingle.


In addition, The Office Season 2 DVD is released that day with four discs, something like eight hours of deleted scenes and 17 minutes of bloopers. (And the bloopers aren't going to be lame like some you find in Bonus Features. Word on the street is that they're going to be hilarious.) I can't wait.

Another two-faced environmental promotion

It looks like GM's whole "Live Green, Go Yellow" campaign centered around their flex fuel vehicles is a bit of a sham. The fuel itself is nearly impossible to come by, even in the corn-rich Midwest. So these supposed environmentally friendly machines are chugging along on the same amount of gas they always have been.

Why the big push by GM to promote these vehicles that, in most circumstances, aren't any different than a regular gas-guzzling SUV? According to TreeHugger, "It turns out that the Government gives GM a bonus in the average fuel economy standards, whether or not the pickup truck or SUV ever sees a drop of the stuff. Some purchasers don't even know they are driving flex-fuel vehicles."

What? Corporate America treating environmental reform as no more than a PR stunt? Sounds familiar. And the U.S. auto industry wonders why they're slowly going under. Here's a tip: do something good, for the right reason, and you'll come out ahead.

Some blog updates

I've made some changes to the ol' blog. Of course, there's a new template/layout. I'm not satisfied with it, but I got tired of the old one. I'm actually pretty disappointed with Blogger's templates. I was excited when I switched to the new beta version (is that an oxymoron?) and heard you could customize your template without worrying about the HTML. The reality of things: you can change the font size and add some new stuff to the right panel that runs down the side of the blog. Whoopee.

There's now a "Life's To-Do List" so the world can know my bizarre goals and dreams.

I'd also like to draw your attention to the recent addition of labels to posts. I retroactively applied labels to the past two months of posts, and will label posts from now on.

You know, for kids.

My feelings

At the request of my now famous (thanks to this blog) sister in-law, I will now write a post about my feelings.

Right now, I am feeling hungry. If I could eat anything in the world right now, it would be food. If you're looking for me to be more specific about my feelings for food, I would like to eat strawberry covered Belgian waffles with fresh whipped cream and a tall glass of cold milk.

I don't think Grandma has a Belgian waffle maker, so I will instead crave a roast, because I'm pretty sure she's got some kind of meat in the oven. There's also some leftover meatloaf floating around somewhere. I may be craving that too.

Earlier this afternoon my dad was telling me about eating dinner at the Marakesh in Portland and ice cream in Tillamook. That made me have feelings for those things as well.

I also have fairly strong feelings about my bed, and how I would like to sleep in it very soon. I also feel covetous about this laptop since it isn't mine.

My wife just came in and I told her I was writing a post about my feelings. I started making some room for her on the couch next to me, so she could read about my feelings, but she told me she was busy playing with the dog and the only reason she came inside was to get a toy for it. Now my feelings are hurt.

I'm also feeling a bit like an old man because I have on black dress socks with my shorts. That, and I realized that my birthday is coming up and I'll be one year closer to 30 in about a month.

I also feel kinda warm.

Wow. I never thought I'd be so open about sharing my feelings, but this has been quite a liberating experiece.

Dr. Seuss had it right

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

This is one of those quotes that looks good on paper, but I think there's also wisdom in knowing when to keep your mouth shut.

More meat

I didn't want everyone to be scarred after looking at the picture of the liver, so I thought I would grace you with this beautiful picture of a massive steak. I ate this for dinner. I swear it was like 14 pounds. And it was really good. Much better than liver. My sister in-law even liked it.

It's already September??

You gotta be kidding me. There was so much I was going to do this summer! And now September 1 has rolled around and it's the official start of Fall. While I love Fall, I feel like summer kind of slipped away while I was busy doing other stuff.

I don't think I ever went swimming, I never took a nap in a hammock and evening walks were suspiciously absent. We didn't go camping nearly enough and the only traveling we did was to Wyoming.

Sad.

I suppose I'll chalk it up as a lesson learned after my first summer as a full-time professional. It's amazing how tired I can be after working, but hindsight is 20/20 and I should have gotten up off my butt a few more times and done a few more things. *sigh* Shoulda/woulda/coulda...

My first day riding TRAX

Today was my first day taking TRAX to work (due to my desire to be more "green"). I just thought I'd let everyone know that I did indeed drag my lazy self out of bed an extra hour early this morning and made it to work on time. (I'm sure all four of you were on pins and needles wondering if I was going to do it.)

It's nice leaving the house at the same time my wife does, and I was pleasantly surprised about the lack of people on the train as I had a seat both ways. The trip was short, only about 20 minutes. If you don't include the walking time to and from the office, it doesn't take much longer to take TRAX than it does to drive.

I was also able to read on the train, and listen to a podcast. It was kind of relaxing.

Of course, I'm still not as cool as Matt because I don't ride a bike to work.

Liver

My brave sister in-law decided to try liver for the first time last night. I figured this would be the perfect opportunity for me to try it too, since I could take a bite of hers and not have to order an entire meal centered around the organ...er...meat.

So I tried. Yeah. Hmmm. Weird texture. Not that tasty. OK. I can understand why people don't eat this stuff very often.

If a picture's worth a thousand words, here's what my sister in-law thought about it:

When our waiter came by to ask how everything was going, we gave him the generic, "Fine." Then he asked her what she thought of the liver. She didn't really answer. "Would you order it again?" he prodded. She answered, "I would if I liked liver."

It was the perfect response. Maybe you had to be there, but it was really funny.

So true

Calculate your impact

Here's an interesting little tool. It asks for some basic information (where you live, what kind of car you drive, how much you spend a month on utilities, etc.) and will calculate your yearly carbon dioxide output.

I rated myself and came in only slightly below average at 12,900 lbs/year. (The average is 15,000.) Eh. That's OK, but I could do better. Let's average that out to 1,000 lbs/month. Now it's time to set some goals:

I just e-mailed Margaret at work and asked for a TRAX pass instead of a parking pass next month. Using public transportation for my commute can eliminate 393 miles of driving, reducing my C02 emissions by about 31% a month.

Rocky Mountain Power has a program called Blue Sky. Starting at $1.95 per month, you can purchase blocks of 100 kwh that originate from sustainable resources, such as wind. Last month we used 795 kwh of electricity. So for an extra $16 a month, I can offset all that by paying Rocky Mountain Power to purchase electricity from sustainable sources. (For a list of Blue Sky FAQ's, click here.) That will reduce my yearly CO2 emissions by another 19%.

It should be noted that paying $16/month is probably on the high end since my last electric bill was for July. During January of this year we only used 260 kwh, which would only be $6 extra. Regardless, what I'll save in gas by taking public transportation will more than cover any costs associated with "switching" to wind generated electricity.

Overall, I'll save money AND cut my carbon dioxide production by 42% to 7,600 lbs a year.

Another thing I want to do is switch to CFLs (compact florescent light bulbs). CFLs consume 66% less energy, are 90% cooler and last 10 times as long as standard bulbs. (Boo-ya: less energy, less waste and a cooler apartment.)

Check out the Carbon Calculator and make the changes you need to reduce your carbon footprint.

Pluto not a planet

Oh, the shame of it all. Pluto has been demoted from the ranks of our solar system. It's now a "dwarf planet". Sad.

Scientists define a planet as "A celestial body that is in orbit around the sun, has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a ... nearly round shape, and has cleared the neighborhood around its orbit." Apparently, Pluto's orbit overlaps Neptune's (the nerve!) which is the disqualifying factor in this galactic quandary. But I propose the question: how do you know that Neptune's orbit isn't overlapping Pluto's?

According to USA Today, "The decision at a conference of 2,500 astronomers from 75 countries...[split] astronomers into factions, triggering days of sometimes combative debate that led to Pluto's undoing."

Factions? Combative debate? I have a hard time imagining people from the International Astrological Union becoming combative. How combative were they? Were punches thrown? Were flame throwers brought out? Is there video footage of any of this? Where can I get it? I feel the article left out a lot of important stuff.

While I couldn't care less about how many planets are in our solar system (honestly, I've never noticed any of them) this is the kind of thing that really bothers me about science. Everybody is so sure that things are a certain way (guising it under the safety net of "theory") and then, in a single day, the solar system changes. Yesterday Pluto was the smallest planet in our solar system. It was fact. And now it's not.

Poor Pluto.

Smug

Duchess (my distant cousin) helped me realize something just now. You know how when you hear about other people's adversities and afflictions, you think, "Wow. I've got it pretty good" or "Holy cow. It sucks to be that person"? After reading her blog, I'm experiencing those thoughts.

It's kind of sad it takes other's suffering to make us grateful for what we have (or, in this case, don't have), but I think it's even sadder if we don't acknowledge it at all.

And so I say that I am thrilled that I never have to do another cleaning check ever again.

Coincidence? I think not.

An interesting chart that shows the top recipients of contributions from the oil and gas industry during the last election. Is it any wonder our environmental policy sucks, and Exxon raked in $36 billion in profit last year?

Thanks to CNN for the graphic.

Lethargic

I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed today because it's one of those days where I feel like saying "Screw it" to the whole world. I am like unto a blob of something gelatinous that, if you ask it to do something, could possibly explode covering you in slimy bits.

So today would be a good day not to ask me to do anything, or even really talk to me at all. In fact, there's a good chance if you look like you might ask me to do something I will spontaneously combust. Or slip into a coma. I'm not sure which.

There are also a number of people who, on sight, will make me cuss like a sailor and then punch them in the face. I'm sure I'd regret it later (at the arraignment hearing, for example) but at the moment I am craving the opportunity to do just that.

So let me hide out in my cave, and write in my silly little blog, and everybody will go home happy. And not covered in slimy bits.

P.S. I just realized I'm a day ahead on my Dilbert desktop calendar too. *sigh*

Wicked

Next month we get to go see Wicked again. This will be our fourth time and we're stoked.

The first two times we saw it were on Broadway. We hadn't heard the music, just rave reviews from everyone we talked to. We bought tickets before we went to New York, and then won their lottery for tickets in the second row. Wow. I finally understood why people make such a big deal about seeing shows on Broadway. It really is incredible.

For those of you who may not know, Wicked is the untold story of the witches of Oz. You see, Elphaba (the Wicked Witch of the West, pronounced "el-fuh-buh") and Glinda were roommates in college. After a rough start they become friends until they come to a crossroads where each must choose their path. Glinda, traditionally known as the "good witch", is obsessed with being popular and will do anything to get her way. Elphaba, who has been an outcast all her life due to her green skin, is selfless and always tries to do the right thing. Unfortunately, it often backfires or is misunderstood resulting in her title of the Wicked Witch. Finally, she gets fed up and essentially says "Screw it. I've tried so hard to be good and it's never worked, I'm not going to bother anymore."

The music is fantastic, especially the closing song of the first act, "Defying Gravity". You can hear it on the soundtrack, but until you know the whole story and see it in person, you just won't realize how cool a song it is. It gives me chills when I hear it. And when we heard "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished" performed in Denver we learned to love the second act.

Wicked starts long before Dorothy ever shows up, proceeds through the traditional story and concludes after she and the wizard leave Oz. It explains where the flying monkeys come from, the origins of the Tin Man, Scarecrow and Cowardly Lion, the real reason Dorothy ended up in Oz and why the Wicked Witch is obsessed with the ruby slippers.

You also find out why Elphaba is green, how she ended up with the pointy black hat we have all come to associate with witches (hint: it was originally a gift to Glinda from her grandmother) and why she flies around on a broom (hint #2: it was the only object available at the time). Ever wondered why the munchkins hated the Wicked Witch of the East so much? Or the real reason the Wizard hides behind the smoke and mirrors? It's all explained in a wonderfully creative way.

Fun and uplifting, the message is a good one and can be appreciated on a number of levels. Best of all it's entertaining and G-rated. A refreshing change considering most of the "entertainment" that's out there nowadays.

If you ever get a chance to see it, it's well worth the money. I'm sure if it ever comes to Salt Lake we'll be camping out to get tickets.

Barney beheaded

Oh, please. Like you never wanted to do it.

Good luck?

If a ladybug lands on your mouse, does that mean you will have good luck because it's your mouse, or does it mean the mouse will have good luck? I mean, the latter seems kind of dumb because a mouse is an inanimate object, so it really doesn't have any kind of luck at all. It has no need for luck. But if the luck doesn't transfer to the owner of the inanimate object, then the luck is wasted, which is just sad.

Hail storm

Talk about some crazy weather. Last Saturday there was a massive hail and thunder storm, the worst I've ever experienced by far. This first picture is a shot out of our bedroom window to give you a feel for the size of the hail.


Check out the white water action goin' on here on the covered parking. HUGE rain drops.



I was just pulling up as it started. I sped to my covered parking spot and then ran inside. I asked my wife if she wanted me to go move her car to a covered parking spot as well. She said yes, and handed me her bike helmet.

If you were lucky enough to be watching the storm that day from our apartment complex, you might have spotted me running through a flooded parking lot in flip-flops, wearing a purple bike helmet. Oh, what a sight to behold.

Fortunately, or unfortunately (depending on how you look at it), no one captured this heroic feat of bravery on film.

If you did happen to nab a shot, please e-mail me a copy.

HE DID IT!

My dad (the lovable guy seen seen to my right) got the big account he pitched for! He worked very hard to get it and it couldn't have happened to a better guy. So a big congratulations to my dad on getting the account! And a bigger congrats on the fact that he will soon be a Mac owner (because he promised that if he got it, he'd buy a Mac).

Congratulations

Congratulations to Ryan and Gary who found out over the weekend that their Mrs. Fields poster got into CA. (Click the picture for a bigger image.)

Did I have anything to do with this poster? Well, I told them I liked it and thought it was a great concept. (It's a good thing I didn't think it sucked, or I would be looking really stupid right now.)

Does this great accomplishment mean anything to me? Directly, no. But now I'm cool by association.

Breastfeeding touches us all

Today I looked at my blog and I says to myself, "Dave, you need a post with an entertaining picture." As I was at the library returning An Inconvenient Truth (which was inconveniently two days overdue) I saw the following display:

That should work.

The first thing I did was surpress a laugh into a barely audible snort. I'm pretty sure that banner could have been worded differently, and I still have no idea why there are a bunch of paper hands taped up behind them, but I'm trying not to think about it.

I snapped the picture incognito, but then approached the table and asked for some information under the guise that it was for my wife. (That's not entirely untrue. If I decide not to throw it away, I'll give it to my wife.)

They were pleasant enough (one had a mustache though) and loaded me up with pamphlets and handouts on the virtues of breastfeeding. We had a brief conversation that went something like this:

Me: How long will you be here? (This was to find out if I could come back later with a real camera and get a better shot incase the one I had taken turned out to be blurry.)

Woman: The whole month of August. August is breastfeeding awareness month you know."

I didn't know. Did they expect a guy in his middle twenties to know that?

Me: (With feigned shock) I had no idea!

As soon as I said it, I realized it was a mistake. These women took their duties very seriously. I mean, if you're hardcore enough to sit in the library and distribute literature about breasts and how they can be used for feeding, you probably don't appreciate sarcasm.

They didn't.

The one on the right squinted at me and cooly replied, "It is."

I took a few more pieces of literature ("Join Le Leche of Utah!"), stuck them in my newly checked out books and walked out of the library, holding in my laughter until I was clear of the building.

No source to rule them all

Clearly, we need alternative energy sources to cut our dependence on foreign oil, reduce pollution and save on energy costs. But I've been pondering lately about how there probably won't be some revolutionary new alternative energy source that takes the world by storm and is used everywhere.

Wave energy is being developed in Oregon that, by using about 10 square miles of sea water, will be able to supply power to the whole state. Wind power will be used in Oaklahoma (as the it comes rushing down the planes), and solar energy will be used throughout the southwest.

Instead of building cookie-cutter subdivisions everywhere that all look alike and are made of the same materials, I think we should take a cue from generations past. They didn't build all their houses the same way. People in New Mexico use adobe-style houses because they are made from readily made materials and keep their homes cool. Hybrid indoor/outdoor houses work in warm and tropical locations when the weather is fairly consistent year round and allow for more natural air circulation, thus reducing the need for using AC as much.

We can't make enough ethanol to supply our oil needs, plus it often uses material that could be used to feed the starving masses. Not very ethical. Gas-electric hybrid cars (such as the Prius) require expensive batteries that will, eventually, loose their ability to hold a charge and are still relatively expensive. The same problem exists with 100% electric cars. Solar panels aren't at the point yet where they can power a home in most cases, let alone a car.

So let's stop waiting for some cure-all to our environmental problems, and start acting on the technologies that are already available.

THE POTENTIAL CURE-ALL

The way I see it, the "magic solution" to our energy problems is the practical production of hydrogen. If these guys are legit, they may prove the title of this posting wrong.

If hydrogen (or, in this case, aquygen) can be produced at a rate of 1,500 liters in one hour for 70 cents of electricity, it would completely revolutionize the way we get our energy. It can (could, whatever) run cars, heat our homes, power turbines to create electricity, etc. etc. etc.

Anyway, those are my current thoughts on energy. Readers (all six of you), I'd be interested to hear your thoughts, particularly on the hydrogen link video.

"I invented the friggin' iPod, okay? Have you heard of it?"

One of my new favorite blogs is one written by "Steve Jobs". The link can be found in my "Sites" section to the right. It's well written and absolutely hilarious (at least if you know anything about Stevie J. and Apple).

Just a heads up in case you need some entertaining (and sometimes slightly colorful) reading. Enjoy.

Good news!

I can see my knuckles today.

Bee stinged

While I was camping this weekend in the beautiful Uintah Mountains I was dive-bombed and stung by a yellow jacket. I saw something fly down toward my arm, and by the time I looked down it had already stung me. Stupid bee.

Anyway, here's the resulting damage. The odd thing is that it's been getting progressively worse, not better, since the initial sting. Maybe I should go to a doctor...

iPhone - probably not

While I doubt this is the long-awaited "iPhone" (or, as this person calls it, "iChat Mobile"), it got me thinking about something.

One of the design challenges with an iPhone is making room for a keypad and the iPod scroll wheel because any iPhone worth its salt would, of course, have iPod capabilities which would entail the famous scroll wheel.

Or would it?

One of the big complaints I read about this photo/mock-up is that it would be a nightmare to navigate using the controls from the existing Front Row remote. Perhaps. But what if there was a new, better way to navigate than the scroll wheel?

Embed a version of Spotlight for your iTunes library. Just tap in the first two or three letters of what your'e looking for with the keypad (ala text messaging) and use the directional pad to select from the list Spotlight brings up. It could actually be comparable in speed to using the scroll wheel, if not faster. From that point, the iTunes interface would be the same as it is now in phones like the SLVR.

Of course there'd probably have to be a step before that to specify that you were searching for music in iTunes and not your phonebook or for a picture. Even then, I think about how many menus I have to click through to get to pictures on my phone (and I'm using a Sony Ericsson which has one of the best UI's out there) and I'm convinced it would be much faster to do a text-based search using something like Spotlight.

So there ya go. It's my prediction that the iPhone will not have a scroll wheel.

Other thoughts about the above picture:

• iChat Mobile? Interesting. Makes me think VoIP? If not, you'd have to have a streaming connection which 1. would cost a fortune and 2. drain your battery like crazy.
• Camera on the back? Makes sense for taking pictures, but not for video chats. Could it be that Apple has implemented it's in-screen camera, meaning that the "iChat Mobile" would have two cameras?
• No battery compartment. Not entirely surprising since none of the iPods have battery compartments either. BUT, that also means one of two things: 1. This is going to be a CDMA phone or 2. it was an oversight by whomever mocked this up. I wonder if Apple would go with Cingular based on their history together. If you're doing streaming content (video chats, incoming chat requests, etc.), Helio is already doing that with Sprint's CDMA network.

UPDATE: The above image was later shown to be a fake, as previously suspected. However, I think my case for a non-click wheel iPhone is valid.

WWDC 2006 predictions

We're five short days away from Apple's World Wide Developer's Conference where we will get the first real glimpse of OS X Leopard. As of right now, that's the only guarantee we can look forward to.

However, as we all know Mr. Stevie J. has a tendency to announce new products and/or product upgrades and such events. Here are my predictions (and in some cases hopes) of what will be announced.

• Of course we're going to get a preview of Leopard, but I'm guessing it's going to be released in time for Christmas, just to rub it in Vista's face.

• It's pretty much a given that the new Intel Core 2 Duo chips are going to be put in the current Power Macs, finishing off the PowerPC/Intel transition. I'm also predicting the mobile versions of the chips go into the Macbook Pros to further distinguish them from the Macbooks. (I'd love to see them end up in the high-end iMacs too.)

• If there are any iPod updates, it's going to be new nanos with increased capacity (2, 4, 8 gigs) and/or new metal casings similar to the iPod minis.

• .Mac. Hmmm. I'd like to think they'd make .Mac free, or significantly reduce the price considering all the competition out there. You can essentially do everything with free Google products (Google Pages, Blogger, etc.) that you can do with .Mac. The only benefit .Mac brings to the table is it's seamless integration with OS X apps. This is cool to be true, but you can get 2.5 times the amount of space in an attractive environment from Google for free. Suggestion: Make .Mac free for everyone who buys Leopard. Keep it free until the next OS (Calico?) comes out. If people don't upgrade, they start paying a nominal fee for .Mac. If you upgrade, you continue enjoying it for free. Or perhaps you could do the same thing when you upgrade iLife versions. Regardless, it needs to be less expensive.

So there you have it. I think Leopard is going to have a few surprises in it nobody saw coming and will make Vista look primitive (if it isn't already).

A major award

Remember my post about the Hope Garden? Well, it's been selected as a finalist for a Flashforward award.

For those of you who don't know what a Flashforward award is (I didn't know until this morning), Paul describes it as an Academy Award of Flash programming. To say it's an honor to be a finalist is a major understatement.

To put this in perspective, we're up against sites from the likes of Nike, Adidas, Saab and Comcast.

It's a big deal.

So please vote for our site! Click here. We're in the Navigation category and the site is called Hope Garden.

Then pass the link on to all your friends and relatives. If you do you'll have good luck for the rest of your life AND you'll marry someone really hot. Seriously.

Mighty Mouse Unleashed

Behold the wireless Mighty Mouse with all its Bluetooth goodness. $69 seems a bit steep to me but, hey, it's Apple.

Unfortunatley, there is no longer a wireless keyboard/mouse option for Apple's computers. So if you want to cut the cord and consequently your desktop clutter, yer gonna have to fork over an extra $128.

I think I'll pass.

The Office Webisodes

NBC has produced The Office Webisodes for those thirsting for more Office goodness between seasons two and three.

The premise is this: there's $3,000 missing and the accounting department needs to find it. They're going through a series of interigations with each of the "lesser" characters to find out who stole it. They've hinted that they think it's Michael, but I'm sure it's not. (For one thing, they can't fire him.)

Creed, on the other hand, is a self-declared thief with an apparent criminal history (when he had his security badge photo taken he turned sideways for a profile shot after the initial picture was taken, as if getting mugshots had become habit).

So there you have it. I think it's Creed.

You can check out the webisodes here.

The Saints

Why should we mourn, or think our lot is hard?
'Tis not so. All is right.
Why should we think, to earn a great reward
If we now shun the fight?

Gird up your loins
Fresh courage take
Our God will never us forsake;

And soon we'll have this tale to tell-
All is well! All is well!

Spatulas in Space

A $2,200 putty knife floated out of an astronaut's tool belt and into space while he was repairing the space shuttle Discovery.

Where do I begin...?

WHY THE #*%@ DOES A SPATULA COST $2,200?!? Is there something particularly "space worthy" about these spatulas? Perhaps it was a multi-function spatula that also performed basic cold fusion? If not, and we assume a spatula works the same in space as it does in my apartment, I'd like to point out to all the government big wigs who approve the funding for this stuff that $2,200 gets you 326 Ace Hardware "premium putty knives".

It's amazing how useless the space program is.

Get this: the astronaut had five more on him worth a grand total of $13,200 (or 1,631 telestial spatulas).

Currently, the spatula is orbiting the earth every 90 minutes and is being tracked by no less than 20 military radars (another great use of tax dollars).

To sum up:

1. We're launching men into space to do what? I'm not certain.
2. We're sending them in space shuttles that need fixing once they get into space.
3. The space shuttle can be fixed with a spatula.
4. A spatula that I couldn't buy with an entire paycheck is now hurling through space at 25 times the speed of sound, never to be used for cold fusion again.

I can't imagine how much I really, really dislike NASA, and any space program for that matter. Do they do cool things? Sure. I'd love to go into space, float around for a bit and take some awesome pictures of Earth. Is it worth the billions of dollars we're spending on it? No. Instead, how about we pay teachers a little more than $15/hr? Invest in alternative energy sources? Find a cure for cancer? Lower health care costs? It seems like there's a lot more good we could be doing with the money, resources and brain power that are currently going into losing spatulas in space.


P.S. Special thanks to Mister West from 101.9 The End who e-mailed me the link to the original article.

Fifteen percent

Did you know that according to this government website only 15% of the gas you put in your tank goes to moving you down the road and running things like your headlights and AC? 64% of the gas you put in your car is wasted thanks to "engine losses".

Engine losses? Are you kidding me? We can put a man on the moon and launch sattelites that can read the time off your watch but we can't figure out how to design an engine that's more than 15% efficient? I find that very hard to believe. (Any big oil/auto industry conspiracy theorists out there?)

Here's an earth-shattering idea: let's make a law that says cars have to be, oh, I don't know 30% effecient within 5 years and 50% effecient within 10. Imagine the impact be if all cars doubled their fuel effeciency! Don't worry about the discovery, production or distribution of a new fuel source (although we should still be working on that), just make more efficient use of what we already have.

Hey! Rich Guys Auto Industry Guys! Instead of designing self-parking cars and in-car DVD players for the kids, maybe you should work on designing a gas engine that doesn't suck gas, because no matter which car you look at, knowing that it's only using 15% of the fuel you put in it means the Prius should be getting 400 mpg, not 60.

A period of consequences

"The era of procrastination, of half-measures, of soothing and baffling expedients, of delays, is coming to its close. In its place we are entering a period of consequences." - Winston Churchill, 1936

What a profound quote. I found it in An Inconvenient Truth and I whole-heartedly agree with it. Corporations and citizens alike can no longer claim ignorance regarding their responsibility toward the Earth and its inhabitants.

Most environmental action thus far has been moderate at best. ("We don't want to be too stringent on the auto industry. They have a huge impact on the economy.") Guess what? Europe has much stricter environmental standards than we do (Kyoto Protocol anyone?) and their economy is thriving.

Another quote, this one from Al Gore, fits perfectly. After talking about how the U.S. could conceivably lose 60% of its soil moisture in the next 50 years due to global warming he says:

"How do we debate something as cataclysmic as this in the traditional framework of our political dialogue?"

In short: suck it up. We've been skirting around serious, lasting environmental regulations for too long. To date, environmental promises have been nothing more than PR releases, premeditatedly forgotten and swept under the rug. If we continue to try to create environmental reform the same way we have been, nothing will ever change. It hasn't yet.

As Churchill stated, the time is past. Let's set some tough standards...now. Rarely does anybody talk about short-term, immediate plans. Why? Because it requires change and that's hard to do (and, when it comes to corporations, it's expensive). But that's exactly what needs to happen.

Well, if you'd been doing a little bit all along instead of ignoring the problem, the change you're inevitably going to have to make wouldn't suck as much. It's time for everyone to bite the bullet and do the right thing.

Dual Uvulas

Check this action out. We were hanging out with some friends from our ward when, naturally, the subject of uvulas came up. If you look closely, you can tell that this person has TWO uvulas, medically referred to as bifid uvulas.

Gross, huh?

I know it doesn't make sense, but it seems like that should tickle.

Need more proof Vista is ripping off OS X?

Check out these two great videos on YouTube. The audio is from a presentation by Microsoft about upcoming features on Vista, but the visuals are the current version of OS X which has been out for over a year.

Video 1
Video 2

For some reason, this makes me even more excited for Leopard. It's the perfect opportunity for Apple & Co. to relase an even more advanced OS and take the wind right out of Microsoft's sails.

It's arrived!

My Dwight Schrute bobble head doll has arrived! My wife ordered it for me months ago and it's finally here. Truly, this is a red letter day.

The history of the DSBHD is this: Angela and Dwight have a secret, rather disgusting romance going on in The Office that nobody knows about except Pam. Well, Dwight has quite the collection of bobble head dolls on his desk, so Angela had one of him made and gave it to him as a Valentine's Day gift. The viewers spoke out, and NBC responded by mass producing this prop from the show.

There you have it. The Dwight Shrute Bobble Head Doll.

Pride and Prejudice swallowed

I did it. I bit the bullet and watched Pride and Prejudice, my first ever "Bonnet Movie" as a gift to my wife for our anniversary.

To be completely honest...I enjoyed it. It was a good movie, Kiera Knightly was fantastic, the music was beautiful and the cinematography gorgeous. I was amazed at how long many of the scenes went without cutting (the dance scene with Darcy and Elizabeth comes to mind).

On the downside, I don't quite get Mr. Darcy. Why do women swoon over him? Why do they write his last name after theirs? He seemed to have the personality of a gamy badger for most of the movie. Even when he is confessing his love he horribly insults Elizabeth. True, he did a nice thing or two there at the end, but overall he acted like an arrogant punk. Now, my beloved sister in-law would point out, and I quote, "Mr. Darcy is one of the most complex characters in all of literature." Perhaps. But I didn't read the book. I saw the movie. And based on what I saw, he was a jerk 90% of the time and then does a couple nice things at the end (because he's filthy rich) and gets the girl.

Mr. Darcy sounds a lot like a Goon.

Despite the mystery surrounding "Mr. Darcy" (if that's even his name), I would actually like to see the movie again.

There I've said it. I watched, and enjoyed, a Bonnet Movie.

"Platypus" AKA GDrive

Rumors have been circulating about Google releasing online storage "Platypus" (or Gdrive) capable of syncing with your computer, ala .Mac accounts. Except Gdrive will probably be free and give you more space. Sounds good to me! I wish I could use it with iWeb...

P.S. I would personally like them to call it Platypus instead of Gdrive because I'm all about marsupials.

Should sleep, must write

It's quickly approaching midnight. I still need to read my scriptures and get ready for bed. But something in me is screaming, "Write you fool! Write!" Unfortunately, this pesky voice isn't considerate enough to tell me what to write about. All I have going for me at this point is desire.

The only thing I found useful from my physical science class at BYU was learning of the concept of Occam's Razor which, briefly, is a law of succintness stating that if something can be said or communicated in a simpler way it should be done. I think the prinicple is marvelous and I have some OCD tendencies which necessitate me applying it by keeping things clean and generally clutter free.

For example, today I pulled everything off my desk, unplugged all cables attached to my computer and piled everything into the living room. I dusted, then began reassembling everything, trying to find ways to make the appearance of my little workspace cleaner and less busy. I even went so far as to remove my second monitor (it's always bugged me that it didn't match my main display). Honestly there wasn't a lot that changed, except now I have a lot of the cords and cables tucked away behind the desk that were previously bulging out behind the computer.

Doing this wasn't really an option. It had been bugging me for a few days and needed to be done. Other things to which I apply Occam's Razor/feed my OCD tendencies:

The desktop on my computer. I know people who keep dozens of files and folders on their desktops. Right now I have five icons on my desktop, and two of them are my iPod and a CD.

My car. My car, Petie, is very clean (inside at least). I have a pair of sunglasses and my gym pass in the little space under my stereo. There's a sunshade that I tuck behind the passenger's seat when I'm driving and that's about all. I don't have anything in the door panels and there's nothing on my dashboard, no trash under the seats. And that's the way I like it.

What does this mean? First of all, I could go insane when we have kids. Second, it's no wonder I want an iMac so much. Third, I probably come off as a neat-freak psycho who will have some kind of breakdown if he finds lint on the carpet. Believe me when I say, it's really not that bad.

OK. I've started yawning and the voice telling me to write is starting to sound more and more distant. It's time for bed.

Someone knows me all too well

Whoever invented this must have known me in college.

New Look + New Name

Since our work Personality Index reviews (see unpublished post. Ha, ha.) I've been thinking about what makes me tick. If I could have things the way I wanted them, if I could put a finger on my dreams and motivations and figure out how to explain "Me", how would I do it?

As I thought about that in, of course, the shower (props to my old blog title), I realized I am a walking dichotomy: I'm shy and outgoing, frugal with expensive taste, a social guy who likes his alone time, focused and wandering, etc. etc. etc. Somehow, I came up with the title when thinking about these things.

With that vague history, take it for what it is. Like it? Dislike it?

I'd give the guy money

A homeless man in Grand Junction, Colorado was standing on a corner holding up the following message written on a peice of cardboard:

"Ninjas killed my family. Need money for kung fu lessons".

Road Kill Cafe?

I know it's not going to look like the one on the left, but c'mon Mcdonalds. That's just sad.

Portland to mandate 5% biodiesel by '07

Apparently, there's legistlature in my hometown to require all diesel to be 5% biodiesel by 2007, and 10% by 2010.

Way to go Portland! However, I have a concern about slowly shifting our dependence from foreign oil to ethanol/corn-based fuel sources. On the surface I think it's a great idea: it's completely renewable, eases our dependency on foreign oil and makes a great supplement for existing fuel sources.

However, what would happen if we were using corn for (caution: link to tacky HTML government site with animated GIFs) 85% of our fuel needs, then had a couple years of drought across the midwest? Would our energy situation be worse off than it is now?

I'm all for biodiesel/ethanol, but I think it needs to come from a source that doesn't rely so heavily on unstable sources we can't control (the weather).

(Link to reference article)

Environmental Luxury

The more I try reach back to my tree hugger roots (see picture), the more I come to realize that being environmentally friendly can be quite expensive. I figure this is because most of the things we do that use a lot of energy revolve around two primary things: cars and our homes.

I live in an apartment. Even if I could afford it, I would not be able to put solar panels on the roof, double pane my windows (which desperately need it. When the wind blows the blinds move...and that's when they're closed), or purchase washing machine that uses silver ions instead of detergent (no chemicals) and cold water (less energy) to make the organic clothes I don't own 99% germ free.

As far as cars go, Japan has the right idea with hybrids as demonstrated in the Prius, the Insight and the Civic Hybrid. The U.S. auto manufacturers are a bit stupid as most of their hybrids are in large trucks and SUVs, resulting in minimal fuel/emissions savings. What's the point? And they wonder why they keep losing money...

Unfortunately (or, depending on how you look at it, fortunately) I am not in the market for a car right now. So no 60 mpg for me.

The problem with the recent resurgence in environmental awareness is that it's not mainstream. It's trendy at best, and being championed by either celebrities with money to spare or people perceived as environmental nut jobs who don't use deodorant and live in shipping containers or these things.

It goes back to the theory some have that one dominant green innovation isn't going to come along and dominate life as we know it. (Although I would argue that the guy with the supposed hydrogen maker would have a pretty good shot at doing just that.) Instead, it's going to be a combination of new technologies that, when combined, make a big impact. That, however, is part of the problem: there are a lot of obscure things out there, but not one thing people can latch onto, rally around, and take mainstream.

Bummer.

Of course, you don't have to build a house out of hay and beer cans or own a Prius to be environmentally friendly. As Andrea knows, I recycle a lot of my office paper. I have been driving more conservatively and I always turn off the lights when I leave a room. That's well and good, but at risk of sounding like a hemp-wearing smelly tree hugger, all that stuff is kind of "sissy" in my perspective. It all has the "duh" factor. Of course I do that. That stuff is a given. I want to do more.

You have to understand, I grew up in Oregon. My family of four threw out two paper grocery sacks of garbage a WEEK--everything else was recycled. In the evenings, we had one lamp on in the entire house. During the hot summer months, my mom would make us walk in through he garage to keep the house cool (no AC). The reult? It pains me to throw away a milk carton. I pause before sending a tin can into the trash. SUVs that serve only as status symbols tick me off.

Now you know where I'm coming from.

While I think living in almost complete darkness is a bit much, I think I should be doing more (along with everybody else out there). But what? How? At the moment, I don't think I can afford the luxury of being environmentally savvy.

The Hope Garden

Paul and I came up with this concept for a client of ours, BSD Medical. They're a medical company that specializes in hyperthermia (the heating of tumors).

Perhaps the best thing about hyperthermia is that it can be used with recurrent cancer patients. Most cancer patients can't be given two full radiation treatments, and partial treatments aren't effective. Enter hyperthermia. BSD can focus micro/radio waves specifically on the tumor, heating it to high fever temperature. This weakes the tumor making it vulnerable to small doses of radiation so patients with recurrent cancer can tolerate the additional treatment.

In some cases, it can double the effectiveness of radiation therapy.

Well, Paul and I are sitting around one day, discussing the idea of how this procedure gives hope to people who otherwise wouldn't have it, and the concept of a "hope garden" was born.

The Hope Garden is a place for cancer survivors, cancer patients and their loved ones to share uplifting messages with others who are struggling through similar trials. I truly believe there's a lot more to healing than medicine, surgery and hospitals. People really can influence others for good. Hopefully this site becomes a medium for them to do that.

My hat's off to BSD. They saw the same vision Paul and I had for it: a tool to uplift and plant hope in people. They didn't do what so many companies would have done and plaster it with ads or sales pitches about their product. It's simply a place people can go to inspire and be inspired.

Coming up with the idea was the easy part. Paul's been busting his butt for months, working nights and weekends to get this thing finished. It's designed beautifully and the Flash is a work of art. Thanks.

(If you didn't catch it in the post, there's a link to the garden here.)

The Roaming Pregnancy Test

After being used in a photo shoot for some spec work the agency did, the e.p.t. has been making its rounds through the office. Kendal left it in Jeremy's office. He retaliated by leaving it, unbeknownst to Kendal, between Kendal's monitor and the window that faces the hallway. After many inquiries, Kendal discovered the hidden test and moved it to Paul's window. Paul moved it to our snack box in the break room, wedged between some cookies and a bag of chips.


At present, it's in Caryn's office, hidden behind a frame, but facing out her window into a hallway. Perhaps the best part of this is that she saw me sitting across the hall at Tyler's desk pretending to leave it there. So when/if she finds it, she'll think Tyler put it in her office.

This is better than that stupid gnome, so stay tuned and I'll keep my faithful readers (all six of you) up-to-date on the happenings of the e.p.t.

OS 10.5 Leopard screenshots?

Take it with a grain of salt, but here's a link to some supposed shots of next year's release of OS X Leopard.

Note a new version of Internet Explorer being used natively in OS X. Also, a tabbed Finder window (brilliant) and a new Address Book/Calendar icon in the Dock. The second image is apparently a screenshot of a desktop Fast User Switching transition. It would be interesting to see this in motion.

IF these are even real.

P.S. Somehow, I doubt I'll ever switch back to IE, even if they do give OS X users the same version as Vista users. I've been pleased with Firefox and Safari (although I now use Firefox almost exclusively) and am sorta-kinda keeping an eye on how Camino turns out. Despite the rave reviews Camino's received, I haven't noticed anything different enough about it to make me want to switch, not to mention there are hardly any extensions and themes available for it.

What I do

When people ask me what I do for a living, it's kind of hard to explain. I usually just say, "I'm in advertising." That, however, is vague enough they usually follow up with, "What do you do exactly?"

*Sigh*

"I'm a copywriter".

"Oh."

At this point people assume I'm some kind of lawyer dealing with trademarks and little C's with circles around them. Depending on how much I care about the person I'm having this discussion with, I may or may not clarify:

"I write ads."

This is funny because sometimes people don't realize ads have words.

"Oh! TV commercials and stuff?"

Yes. Kind of. But not really. There isn't much TV done with clients in this small of a market, and I'm low enough on the totem pole that I've only written one TV spot.

"Kind of. I write some radio commercials, and stuff in newspapers and magazines. I also write web sites, brochures...anything a company produces that needs words, I write."

It's at about this point that people smile and nod and pretend they care and change the subject.

In my defense, I think I have one of the coolest jobs in the world. I mean, it's one of those jobs where, if I told people the projects I work on they'd think, "Someone get's paid to do that??" Yeah. Me.

Said projects include:
• Naming a hotel in Park City
• You know that letter from the gas company in your utility bill? Yeah. I wrote it.
• Putting catchy phrases on pencils that companies hand out
• Ever noticed funny things written on your cup or bag from a fast food place?
• Writing and entire Christmas catalog for a local dry goods company

Now, the next time you get a napkin with your meal, and there's something even remotely clever written on it, stop and observe a moment of silence in honor of the poor copywriter who labored for hours trying to come up with exactly the right wording for that napkin...before you blow your nose in it.

This guy's job sucks

The Office Season 2 DVD

I was reading Jenna Fischer's myspace (no, I do not have a life) and aside from learning a lot about her favorite sandals, she mentioned they recorded the DVD commentary for season two and it will be out in September.

Here's the link to the blog article (in case you too lack a life).

UPDATE: Additional research has revealed that the DVD will be released September 12th and is a 4-disc set. Amazon has it available for preorder for $35.

The Quote Board

We need an online Quote Board because, dang it, we say some funny stuff.

"Ooo! Bring me back a cookie! They're cheaper if you buy more." - Amy

"Jesus was a fisherman. What do you think it smelled like when he taught?" - Doug

Amy asks me, in front of her parents and brother while we're playing cards, "What's that game we like to play? Dominatrix?"

Me impersonating Doug's response to the recall notice on Brad's car:
"Something about a fire under the hood, blah, blah, blah, final notice, yadda, yadda, yadda."

Doug: "Do you know what a rhetorical question is?"
Me: "Did you want me to answer that?"  

"I know I may not look it, but I have a dreidel." Alysia's friend.

"Do you know how much money we could make if we were Italian and in the mob?" - Brad

"Why does it make our husbands uncomfortable when we flirt?" - RaeLynn

"Can we clone you and kill the others?" - Gary

"I can't relate. I'd never do anything that stupid." - Teri

"Careful Jake - you're still soft on top." - David

"If I were a dinosaur I'd eat that tree." - Heidi

"Next time I get a prostate exam I'm going to a taller doctor." - Doug

"Three in a row? Dang. Looks like someone else needs to start talking." - Amy

"I'd be really good at yoga if I didn't have any arms or legs." - Amy

"That was a brilliant use of profanity!" - Amy

"Thanks to you and your amazing sperm." - Amy

Heidi: I think my arms are getting fat.
Amy: You know, I think I'd be OK if I didn't have any girls.

"It's a good thing she's wearing pants." - Becky

"If I was really, really tall I'd find a really, really tall girl to breed with." - Brad

Amy - "Apparently I'm not as smart as I think I am.
Me - "That's OK. I couldn't figure out how to set up my Far Side calendar."

RaeLynn - "What if you go metro in the next couple of years?"
Scott - "I can't because I'm fat."

"If you want to be in my will, you'd better put me on your quote board you little punk." - My Father In-Law

"Dear, the ceiling fan is the best parent in the world." - David

"I don't get it. How can people not believe in global warming? It's so hot!" - Melinda

"Dear, we need a little person to make cookies." - Amy

"Can I just say that high heels can really be annoying?" - Ryan

"Seriously. I poke myself in the eye on a daily basis." - Melinda

"Nobody can make you laugh but yourself." - Heidi

"Hopefully that's why my check engine light has been on for so long." - Curtis

"No one likes a leper." - Amy

Oma (our friend's grandma), laughing: "I like monkeys."

Matt: Do you know where, "Wax on, wax off" comes from?
Whittney: Seinfeld?

"You're never too old to go to space camp dude." - Dave, "Stranger Than Fiction"

"I raise mini-cattle under my bed." - Amy, sort of

"Sometimes I think I interact with the TV more than I'm supposed to." - Amy

"Wait. There aren't 71 states." - Hunter

"Did that bird miss a connecting flight South or what?" - Amy

"You can be wise and happy or stupid and miserable. The choice is yours." - President Hinckley, Dec. 31, 2006

"I can't imagine what it would be like to have your government overthrown...is there anything good on TV tonight?" - Amy

"If you were a super model, I wouldn't love you less, just in a different way than I do now." - Jeremy O.

"I don't hang out with you anymore and look how cool I am!" - Rob

"David, you need to grow your monkeys." - Whittney

"I'm a genius too! Wait. I think I just spit a bran flake." - Amy

"Need I remind you it powered a time machine?" - Amy

"Dear, how come we never get to watch Desperate Housewives when the kids are around?" - Doug

"I'm so hot, I'll never have to pay for anything ever! Look at me spin! Look at me twirl! " - Ryan, referencing the Jazz cheerleaders

"Well, obviously my underwear is unravelling." - Doug

"I hate getting out of the car. It's like going to the bathroom." - Amy

Heidi: "Grandma, are you a racist?"
Grandma: "No. I'm a bigot."

"Tastes just like real french toast!" - David

"I'm writing 'eat me' on pork" - Amy

"Girls rule! We have homemaking skills AND physical endurance skills" - Heidi

"He may be shallow, but he dates hot chicks" - David about Brad

"Dang! No wonder people like having money." - Amy

"Dad, I don't think you've made the peacock noises since we left Colorado" - Amy

"Is she going to wear a hair net, or am I going to have to worry about that all night?" - Doug

"The conduit for all knowledge in the universe is located in our apartment. Specifically, the shower." - Rob

"Adam had it easy. Eve HAD to love him!" - Josh

"If the social life of the world would be best benefited by my hooking up with an ugly girl, then I'm sorry - it's not happening." - Ryan

"Woo-hoo! I have dents in my head!" - Neil

"Hello, is this whore removal?" - Dave

"My brain is numb. There's been cheese on it all night." - Ryan

"I used to be a body builder..." - Dave

"Hey! Don't make fun of the dumb kid." - Alysia

"I've been told my hair feels like rabbit fur." - Neil

"I hate not eating out. 'Cause, well, first of all it sucks..." - Ryan

Dave: "What's a lime-o?"
Rob: "That would be 'limo' Dave."

"Ya know, some people just look better from far away." - Definitely Ryan

"Women don't want a knight, they want the whole dang Round Table!" - Rob

Eden: "You know, in Russian, 'Rob' means 'slave'".
Ryan: "Well, in English 'Rob' means 'to steal'".

"Sometimes I almost feel guilty for BS-ing my homework. Then I think, 'Wait, no I don't.'" -Dave

"Is she the tall girl with the loud mouth?" - Ryan

"You're a very positive person, but I think you're an idiot." - Rob

"Nothing hurts more than seeing two beautiful girls going into a bridal store." - Dave

Dave: "I always buy biscuits, but never make them."
Rob: "Then don't get any."
Dave: "But I might this time."
Rob: "The triumph of hope over experience."

"You're not hopeless Dave, all you need is a good woman." - Rob

"If there were no girls, we'd never be tempted. It'd be like scout camp." - Josh

"Well, that's a bridge under troubled waters. Wait..." - Rob

"Hyrum's wife died, and HE got married like a week later." - Ryan

"I'm just the ultimate compliment." - Ryan

Dave: "With hair like this, it's amazing that I don't have a girlfriend."
Josh: "Maybe it's your personality."

Old people "style"

When people hit a certain age, style ceases to matter, if it ever did at all. Such is the case with my beloved father, who feels the need to tuck his sweatshirts into his corduroy pants.

Dad, I love you. But please, please cease tucking inappropriate shirts into your pants. For a list of shirts that are OK to tuck into pants, see the following:

1. Button-up shirts

Any other shirt should not be tucked in, but worn over the pants, not under.