Sunday, January 06, 2008

I'm told I resemble a "Wiggle"

The yellow one to be exact. But not up close. Only from a distance.

I've actually been told that by a couple of people. Not having any idea what a "Wiggle" was, but guessing it was something I wouldn't like, I decided to do some research to find out if I should be insulted or not. Here's what I found. Squint at it and tell me what you think.

Personally, I don't see it (picture of me here).Then again, this guy is the lead singer which, as we all know, is the where the coolest guy in the band is so maybe we have something in common even if it isn't our looks. Of course, it appears there have been at least two other guys who've played the yellow Wiggle (see here and here).

I really hope the past yellow Wiggles moved onto something bigger and better. It'd really be a blow to the ol' self-esteem to find out your were an incompetent Wiggle and were fired because of it. What do you tell people? I picture one of the former Mr. Yellow Wiggles sitting in a bar, still in costume, drinking his sorrows away. The bartender comes up and asks why he's so down. Put yourself in that situation. What do you say? "Ratings statistics show that kids hate me"? I'd probably turn to the bottle too.

Where does your career go from there? I can't imagine there are that many Wiggle positions open out there. Maybe, like, four.

What about dating? You muster the last shred of confidence you have and approach an attractive woman. She's nice enough so she doesn't blow you off right away. You're chit-chatting and she asks what you do. "Unemployed". Ouch. Strike one. But she's classy and thinks you look cute, kinda like that blogger Dave, so she asks what did you used to do.

"I was a Wiggle."

Oooo...strikes two and three. An awkward silence falls over the conversation. She just kind of looks at you in shock, her mouth moving up and down but no sound coming out. She turns and walks away.


It's no wonder that suicide rates are highest among former Wiggles. No, I did not make that statistic up.*

Still, I don't know exactly what a "Wiggle" does. Based on the limited information I've gathered, it's some bizarre cross of Teletubbies and the guy from Blues Clues, but on acid. And there are four. Frankly, that's all I care to know about them.

What do you think? Do I look like the yellow Wiggle? There's a poll open in the upper right corner of the site. Let me know.

*Yes I did.