Thursday, November 22, 2007

Turkey bikini - the only way to be thankful

I didn't know Pilgrims even had bikinis. Shows how much I know.

I'm guessing some light-hearted pilgrim probably laid this turkey out on the table but not for the First Thanksgiving - that would have been tacky. Definitely for the second though.

So he's just placed the bird on the table and he has some stupid grin on his face that basically says, "Get it? Get it? It looks like the turkey went tanning with a bikini on? Get it? Funny, huh?" and he's looking around, waiting for the laughter to erupt but everyone just sits there looking at him like, "Frigtard. You just screwed up Thanksgiving. Again." (The previous year, this same individual thought it would be funny to welcome his Native bretheren with the first ever "arrow through the head" gag.)

Speaking of shooting people with arrows, I wonder how the Natives would have reacted. Maybe on the Third Thanksgiving they would have taken it a step further by only putting a bikini bottom on the bird, thus effectively presenting a topless turkey to the conservative pilgrims (by this time the original prankster would have long since been ostracized for something involving his mother's wedding dress, the mayor's best horse and an ear of corn. See picture right. Minus the dress and horse).

Anyhoo, I'd be willing to bet the Pilgrims were pretty ticked off because they thought they'd put an end to all this immoral turkey business with the ostracising and now the Natives thought this new culture the white man* brought was freakin' hilarious and how every Thanksgiving from that time forth (until they got fed up and stuck the Natives on reservations) would involve scantily-clad turkeys.

Great. So the early, violent history of our country was all because some wise-@$% pilgrim decided to bake a bikini on the second-ever Thanksgiving turkey.

If you want to have an authentic, Second Thanksgiving Turkey, you can prevent it from cooking in strategic places by putting aluminum foil on said places. If anyone would care to experiment with their bird today, e-mail me a pic so we can share with all the other kiddies.

Happy Thanksgiving.

*I use the term "white man" loosely. Who's to say there weren't some mult-racial pilgrims coming from Puritan England during the 1700's? It's best to equally represent all people in this day and age. Happy Kwanzaa.

Bikini turkey courtesy of here.
Arrow through the head courtesy of here.
Pilgrim picture courtesy of here