Wednesday, March 26, 2008

This just in: Hillary Clinton's full of crap

"I was told we had to land a certain way, we had to have our bulletproof stuff on because of the threat of sniper fire. I was also told that the greeting ceremony had been moved away from the tarmac...Now that's my memory of it."

One time, when I was a kid, I was playing in this nature park near my house. There's a river running through it and my friends and I were throwing rocks in the river, or something, and this drowning kid comes rushing past us in the water. My friends freeze, shocked. Fortunately, I kept my wits about me and I jumped in.

Being an Eagle Scout, I was able to position myself behind her to keep her from dragging me under. The current was fierce and it was sweeping us down river - fast. I could hear my friends yelling as they chased us along the side of the river. I'm not sure what happened next (everything happened really fast) but somehow we made our way to the bank where my friends hoisted her ashore.

She wasn't breathing.

On the verge of panic, I gave her mouth-to-mouth and thankfully, it revived her. It was a frightening experience to be sure, but such a relief to know that everything turned out OK.

The little girl, Sarah, is now in a doctorate program at Johns Hopkins and is believed to be six to eight months away from finding a preliminary cure for diabetes. We still keep in touch with the occasional e-mail and text message.

Wait. Hang on. OK, she's not really at Johns Hopkins and, so far as I know, nobody is close to finding a cure for diabetes.

But everything else is true.

Except the part about the drowning girl in the river.

But that's irrelevant, because now that's my memory of it.