Irony: Hillary can't pay healthcare costs

Oh snap! Hillary owes $292,000 in unpaid health care costs for her campaign employees. (See above photo of her getting the bill.) And, yes, her campaign is about $8,700,000 in the hole. Yeah, she sounds qualified to turn the economy around. Vote Hillary in 2008!

This just in: Hillary Clinton's full of crap

"I was told we had to land a certain way, we had to have our bulletproof stuff on because of the threat of sniper fire. I was also told that the greeting ceremony had been moved away from the tarmac...Now that's my memory of it."

One time, when I was a kid, I was playing in this nature park near my house. There's a river running through it and my friends and I were throwing rocks in the river, or something, and this drowning kid comes rushing past us in the water. My friends freeze, shocked. Fortunately, I kept my wits about me and I jumped in.

Being an Eagle Scout, I was able to position myself behind her to keep her from dragging me under. The current was fierce and it was sweeping us down river - fast. I could hear my friends yelling as they chased us along the side of the river. I'm not sure what happened next (everything happened really fast) but somehow we made our way to the bank where my friends hoisted her ashore.

She wasn't breathing.

On the verge of panic, I gave her mouth-to-mouth and thankfully, it revived her. It was a frightening experience to be sure, but such a relief to know that everything turned out OK.

The little girl, Sarah, is now in a doctorate program at Johns Hopkins and is believed to be six to eight months away from finding a preliminary cure for diabetes. We still keep in touch with the occasional e-mail and text message.

Wait. Hang on. OK, she's not really at Johns Hopkins and, so far as I know, nobody is close to finding a cure for diabetes.

But everything else is true.

Except the part about the drowning girl in the river.

But that's irrelevant, because now that's my memory of it.

Android or iPhone? Discuss.

Knowing what we do about Android (see here for the SDK demo, if you can stay awake past Sergy's intro) and what Google has up its sleeve regarding national broadband via whitespace, would you rather have an Android-powered device or an iPhone with AT&T service?

The poll is on the right and the comments are open. Have at it.

CNN Headline: Snake eats family dog as kids watch

True story. Their yippy little Chihuahua dog was devoured by a 16-foot python. And, like any good parent, mom let the kids (5 and 7 years old) out in the yard to watch.



"Now see how the snake is squeezes tighter each time Yippy inhales? That way Yippy can't exhale to take a breath and will slowly die. Stop crying! This is nature!"



As if that weren't bad enough, the family knew the snake had been hanging out in their yard.



"It actively stalked the dog for a number of days," said Stuart Douglas, owner of the Australian Venom Zoo.



"The family that owned the dog had actually seen it in the dog's bed, which was a sign it was out to get it," he added.



Thanks for that tip Mr. Snake Expert.



If I'd seen a python coiled up where my dog slept, I would probably keep my dog (and kids) indoors. Then again, I'm a new parent so I'm probably overly-cautious about such things. Maybe once you have a few kids the idea of them playing in the yard with the dog and the scrub python isn't such a big deal.



CNN story here. Image from here.

Your medium is dying

Glenn Beck: Too bad, Michigan and Florida

Glenn Beck has written a fantastic editorial piece on how we, as individuals and a country, need to step up and follow the rules, and accept the consequences for our actions when we don't. Specifically, the leaders in Michigan and Florida.

From the article:

What do these stories all have in common?

A woman who says she lost more $1 million gambling in Atlantic City sues some casinos for $20 million, claiming they should've stopped her compulsive gambling.

People who bought houses they couldn't afford with loans they didn't understand want their lenders to change the terms.

Congress authorizes a war and then tries everything it can think of to get out of it.

Our country gets addicted to oil and then blames OPEC when it doesn't like the price.

These stories prove how personal responsibility has all but vanished in America, and our government is leading the way.

It's definitely worth reading the rest of the article here.

$5 bounty on stray cats? Sign me up!

So this city in Iowa is having problems keeping their stray cat population under control. The city council decided to pay alert, proactive, responsible citizens (you know, people who don't have cats) five bucks for each stray cat they bring in.

Unfortunately, it appears that you have to bring the cats into the vet alive so the vet can do what? Kill them. Seems like you could follow Jim's example (see above photo) and save some money - a .22 round is cheaper than a shot at the vet.

Dang it. I thought I could retire early. Rob, our dream will have to wait.

Photo from here. See the original CNN video here.

Woman Faces $1,000 Fine For Pink Poodle

Seriously. Joy Douglas from Boulder, CO decides to dye Cici, her poodle, pink to raise awareness for breast cancer. Unfortunately for her, the city's code states, "No person shall dye or color live fowl, rabbits, or any other animals." It's an odd law to have on the books, but apparently it's to keep people from dying bunnies pink at Easter. Whatever.

I have issues with this woman for a number of reasons.

1. She named a poodle "Cici".

2. She owns a poodle. Nobody takes people with poodles seriously.

3. I'm aware that breast cancer exists. Dying a poodle (or anything else for that matter) pink is not going to make me more aware. I also believe I am not unique in my awareness of breast cancer - most people have heard of it. In fact, I'd say awareness of breast cancer in the U.S. is probably hovering around the 99% mark.

4. I think the money spent on dying her dog could have been put to better use. Like, I don't know, contributing it to cancer research.

5. She got fined for the wrong thing. I don't care if she dyed her dog - wearing those tights has to be breaking some kind of city ordinance.

The article states that this isn't the first dog she's dyed. Apparently "Lulu" had been dyed before, but has since died, making Lulu a dyed dead dog. Did Ms. Douglas dye Lulu black for her funeral? We can only speculate.

Now some choice quotes from Ms. Douglas:

"I have a personal connection to my animal, I would never hurt my animal, I have a business full of little beautiful animals that are treasures for not only myself but the community."

"Cici is being stripped of her civic duty, and I don't plan to take it sitting down."

"The police department claims that we dye our dogs. We do not dye our dogs. We color the dogs."

This was the first time I'd been made aware that animals could have civic duties. Huh. For the original story, as well as some video footage of this staunch activist and her little dog too, click here.

Non-Photoshopped Hillary/Satan picture

Turns out the picture I posted earlier of Hillary at her campaign headquarters had been doctored by her crack staff of graphics experts. While they couldn't get Lucifer's Watermark out of the background, they were able to touch up Hillary a bit. Fortunately, I was able to get the original, undoctored version:

Creepy, I know. My sources tell me this picture was taken while she was channeling information from Beneath, something about her health care plan. More as this develops.

McCain, too, supported by Prince of Darkness

A quick-witted photographer (Tami Chappell, Reuters) snagged this picture of John McCain appearing at a press conference. From an eye-witness report:

"Everyone was waiting for for him [McCain] to show up when there was this popping sound and a dark flash. We all turned to the stage in time to see McCain suddenly standing in the middle of some kind of unholy black flame."

Boy, this is unnerving. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before similar pictures of Obama surface. I'll keep you posted.

Hillary Clinton endorsed by Lucifer himself

See below picture taken at Hillary's headquarters. I hear if she doesn't win the primary she's going after his job.

New poll: how do you prefer to dry your hands in public restrooms?

Just something I got thinking about while I was washing my hands just now. This is the kind of deep stuff I think about all the time. Really, I should be in some kind of think tank where they observe people's brainwaves to figure out how they think of such brilliant things. It'd probably have to be a government-sponsored think tank because my thought patterns could be a threat if they fell into the wrong hands. That's how radically advanced and ground-breaking they are. Seriously, the power I hold between my ears could revolutionize the world.

Also, I forgot to put on deodorant this morning.

How my friend was fired from KSL

As if getting canned via e-mail wasn't bad enough, check out what the guy said.